Addiction
by drotuno
Summary: Sometimes our problems swallow us whole, drowning us in darkness. Can one girl cling to the one good thing that at one time made things better? Can she fight for herself and for him? AH Canon couples. Dark themes. Rated M.
1. Admitting the Problem

**~WARNING ADDED 6/6/2013~ I've been told that this fic has within it certain triggers. I've been asked to post them here. Triggers for cutting, suicide, and substance abuse. ~o~**

**A/N...****This short story comes with warnings. Big ones. First...it's _fiction_. Please try to keep that in mind. The emotions surrounding knowing someone with addictions, or dealing with addictions themselves are real, but the story is completely fictional. Did I take fictitious liberties with some facts and/or procedures? Absolutely! And without apology. I'm well aware of what I've manipulated simply for the ease of the story. Do I understand what it's like dealing with an addict? Yes. Is it easy? No. Do I love them? Without a doubt.**

**Second... This was cathartic for me to write, so it comes to you as something very, _very_ close to my heart. It speaks of drugs, underage drinking, and what you might consider verbal abuse. It's rated M for a reason – some reasons you'd expect from me, and some simply for the topic. This is an emotional ride, but if you know me, then you know my rules about how I end my stories. ;) There's also a dash of the movie _Girl, Interrupted_ thrown in there for good measure.**

**Third warning...TISSUES. I've been told by my 2 pre-readers (GooberLou and Inkedupmom...MUWAH) and my beta (JenRar...MUWAH to you too) that a tissue warning should be issued. So there you go. I write...they tell me what warnings I need. Heh.**

**There are 3 parts to this. They will post over the next 3 days. **

**All Twilight things belong to SM. The plot and original characters are my own. **

**Let's hear Bella's story, shall we?**

**~oOo~**

**Definitions: NA – Narcotics Anonymous. AA – Alcoholics Anonymous. "Drug of choice" – whatever addiction the user has, which could range from drugs and alcohol, to porn...to whatever. It's something the user feels they can't live without.**

**~oOo~**

Chapter 1: Admitting the Problem

**BELLA**

"Bella?" I heard the voice behind me. It was frustrated, but filled with endless patience, which always tended to piss me off.

Didn't the guy ever get rattled?

He sighed, but I kept my eyes closed, allowing the warm sunshine to beam down on my face, turning everything behind my eyelids a blinding red. I took a long, heavy drag from my cigarette, letting it out slowly. It was the only vice I was allowed. Though it came with the usual health warnings, it was at least legal, unlike many of my other addictions. The facility I was currently incarcerated in couldn't stop me. Okay, so I wasn't _incarcerated_... I was "checked in," with no hope for release until everyone said I was better.

"Isabella," he called again. "I allow our sessions outside because I think it helps you, but time is ticking. I'd at least like to hear _something _from you today."

I opened my eyes slowly, took another hit on my cigarette, and turned to face him. Dr. Franklin was a young psychiatrist, new to Breckenridge Mental Health Center. He was handsome in a nerdy sort of way, with dark hair and wire-rimmed glasses. He liked going against the system, doing things his way, because he considered the old ways archaic. Instead of a couch in a cold, sterile office, he allowed our sessions outside – rain or shine. In the rain, we sat underneath the gazebo. But today was sunny, so we were right smack dab in the middle of the gardens.

"Miss Dwyer..."

"Fuck, Doc!" I snapped, glaring at him. "I told you not to call me that. It's Swan."

"You were legally adopted," he countered calmly.

My nostrils flared, and I shook my head. "Not that I had a choice on that," I muttered, glaring down at a butterfly that was flitting from flower to flower in the planter by my park bench.

"Yes, we've been over that. Why don't you tell me what has you so agitated today. Do you want to talk about—"

I inhaled sharply, giving him another glare and silently daring him to say the name.

Dr. Franklin set down his notebook onto his lap and tilted his head at me. "You know we'll never get you out of here if you can't even say his name. I've told you before...your drug use was merely a coping mechanism."

"Yeah, yeah... I use to mask the deeper problem," I quoted dryly. "I actually listen in the meetings, you know."

"Are you craving today?" he asked, ignoring my jab. "We can talk about that."

"Not drugs," I sighed, fighting the feeling of prickling tears.

"Alcohol?"

I shook my head no, lighting another cigarette with shaky hands. "Nope," I murmured, popping the "p" softly.

A Hershey bar landed in my lap, and I gave it a watery smile. For some damn reason, chocolate took the edge off of cravings. It was a harmless substitute. It went against Breckenridge's rules for him to give it out, but that didn't stop him. He kept every type of chocolate known to man in his office.

"You're gonna get canned over this shit one day, Doc," I warned him, holding up the candy.

He smiled, shrugging a shoulder, and chuckled. "They can't say anything. I'm allowed snacks, and you're allowed snacks. There's no rule that says we can't share it."

I snorted, rolling my eyes at him. He was a rule bender. Maybe that was the reason he'd been the first doctor in months to get me to talk. I liked him. He also truly gave a shit or two – unlike the last therapist I'd had just before him, who'd texted her boyfriend during our sessions. Bitch. She'd pawned me off onto the new guy the day I'd shattered her phone against her office wall. It had earned me a week in the padded room, but it had also gotten me Dr. Franklin. It had been a good news/bad news sort of day.

"So..." He sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his notebook tossed to the side. "What are you craving today? If it's not a drink or a hit...or my precious chocolate, then what?"

Cue the tears again. I sighed, looking back at the flower planter in order to fight them. My hands shook as I drew another drag out of my cigarette. Today was an anniversary of sorts...and it fucking _hurt_.

"I thought..." I sniffed, shaking my head. "I thought that when I dried out, this feeling would go away. I shouldn't need it, but I do. It's been a year, and I want that more than any drug."

"Want what?"

"_Him_."

"Okay, so you think it's bad to miss someone?" he asked, because we'd skirted around this topic more times than I could count, especially on days like today when I struggled to maintain.

"Doesn't that make me co-dependent or some fucking nonsense?" I snapped, hastily swiping away my tears. "Aren't I supposed to forget all the addictions in my life? Clean slate and all that happy horse shit?"

He grinned. "Why don't you tell me about him? Let me be the judge. You never say his name, either."

"It hurts to say it."

"Did you love him?"

"More than anything. I still do. He was..." I sighed, unable to put into words just how I felt.

"Say his name, Bella," Dr. Franklin urged gently. "And then tell me why you think he's bad for you."

"Edward," I said through gritted teeth in order not to just sob relentlessly. My heart ached at the sound of it. I rarely allowed myself to think the name, much less about the person it belonged to. "And he's not bad for me... _I'm_ not good enough for _him_."

"Now why do you think that?"

"Because," I sighed, sitting back on the bench. "He was perfect and beautiful. And then I came along and tried to ruin him."

"No one's perfect, Bella," Doc said.

"He was. He was just...everything. He even tried to save me."

"From Phil?"

"Goddammit, Doc!" I snapped, standing up from the bench and pacing furiously in front of him.

"This isn't fucking Harry Potter, Isabella. I refuse to call your adopted father _He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named._"

I scoffed, rolling my eyes, but that right there was the reason I actually respected Dr. Franklin. He wasn't afraid to speak the same language as his patients. "You're a real caring guy there, Doc – and a closet geek, I'm afraid."

He chuckled, completely unfazed. "Sit back down. I want to hear about this Edward." Once I was seated again, he asked, "Now, how did he try to save you?"

I huffed a humorless laugh, shaking my head. "Edward saw right through to the real me. Phil was his baseball coach."

"How'd you meet?"

"We were both seniors, but he was new that year. We hung out with the same crowd. But it wasn't until he started playing baseball in the spring that everything changed. A year ago today...he asked me out."

~oOo~

"_Party at my place tonight!" Emmett boomed, grinning like a fool with an arm draped across Rose's shoulders as we all sat around our table in the lunchroom. "The 'rents are out of town!"_

_I glanced up from my book, smirked at him, and went right back to reading, until I felt a nudge to my shoulder._

"_You comin', Bella?" Edward asked, a wrinkle between his eyebrows._

"_Probably not," I answered, shrugging a shoulder, not bothering to look up from the page._

_Edward was hot. That was a fact that hadn't escaped a single solitary female at Forks High School. And it hadn't escaped my attention, either, but Edward was usually never lacking for company. I tried my damnedest not to look at him too much, for fear he'd see right through me. Plus, I had my own problems to deal with._

"_Why not?" he asked, looking rather disappointed._

"_Don't you know?" Jessica scoffed from the other side of the table. "Bella's anti-social. She's too good to hang with the rest of us. She'd rather stuff her face in a book than have a good time."_

_I rolled my eyes, because it was no secret that Jessica wanted Edward, but it was Alice that came to my rescue._

"_Shut it, Jessica. You should try cracking a book every now and then. You might learn something. There's more to life than what Cosmo says about blowjobs," my oldest friend told her, causing the whole table to explode into laughter. Alice was well aware as to why I didn't get out more._

"_Maybe she should re-read that issue, because I hear she needs work on that, too," Mike Newton snarked, ducking a flying spoon that Jess had aimed at his head._

"_Sounds like experience talking," I muttered, going back to my book and smiling when Edward chuckled soft and low next to me. The book was suddenly snatched out of my grasp, and I growled, "Hey! Give it back, Edward."_

"_Not until you tell me why you're not going," he countered._

"_Why do you care?" I laughed, reaching uselessly for my book. Unfortunately, his arms were much longer than my own and he was way taller than me._

"_Just curious as to why you never come to anyone's party...or show up when we all go out," he explained, grinning beautifully as I tugged on his shirt to try to get my book back. "Tell me, and you can have it back," he chuckled._

_The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch, and I gathered up my trash and backpack, standing up from the table. I held my hand out for my book, a smirk playing on my face when he held it away from me. The rest of our friends left us to our standoff._

"_Tell me." he said, raising an eyebrow, and I didn't want to admit just how sexy that look was on him._

"_I'm grounded, okay?" I snapped, frowning up at him. "That's why."_

_It was the easiest way to explain it._

_Edward's amusement slipped off his face as he set the book in my hand. "You're grounded for every party ever?"_

"_Something like that, yeah," I sighed, tucking my book into my bag as we made our way to Biology._

_He stayed quiet as we walked, oblivious to the stares the girls in the hallway shot his way. I knew there would be even more once we were in class, because I apparently had the enviable position as Edward's lab partner._

_I could feel his eyes on me as he sat down on his stool, so finally, I looked his way. He was breathtaking, really – dark hair with natural bronze-like highlights that tended to stick up everywhere, a sharp jaw line, and the deepest green eyes I'd ever seen. But it was when he smiled that he truly took my breath away, because it was honest and stunning, happy and adorably crooked, and it screamed that nothing bad had ever touched Edward Cullen's life. He simply had no worries. It didn't help that he was so very polite and sweet on top of it all. He held doors, occasionally carried books, and was extremely smart and funny. The icing on the cake was that Edward's parents had money. Lots of it. So he was always dressed in new clothes, drove a gorgeous and expensive car, and he acted like he barely had two dimes to rub together. He was a walking, talking, fucking daydream come true, but he never allowed it go to his head._

"_How?" he simply asked, only to elaborate, "You're a straight A student, and I've never once seen you give a teacher a hard time. How are you always grounded?"_

_I groaned. "Why is my social life suddenly that important, Edward? It's not like you need a fucking date."_

_He scoffed, but he looked nervous as he scratched the back of his neck. Thankfully, he let it go when Mr. Banner started class, turning on a movie and turning off the lights. A sheet of paper slid in front of me with only two words on it._

_**Please come?**_

_When I didn't answer him, Edward snatched the paper back and wrote furiously, only to push it back to me when he was done._

_**I don't want a date. I want the most interesting girl in this school to show up at a party. Can't you sneak out?**_

_I snickered softly, glancing up at him before replying back._

_**I'm really not that interesting. Trust me.**_

_He tsked, rolling his eyes, but he looked so hopeful as he watched me debate it. I decided a version of the truth might be my only way out this time._

_**My parents are strict, okay? It's just easier to tell people I don't want to go or that I'm grounded. Please, please don't push this, Edward...**_

_He scowled at the paper but folded it up and tucked it away, letting it go. At least I thought he'd let it go. As soon as class was over, he stopped me just outside the door._

"_Give me your phone, Bella," he ordered, holding out his hand. When I gave it to him, he programmed his cell number into it, only to call his own to save it. "There. If you can sneak out, call me. I'll come get you."_

_I sighed, looking up at him. "You don't know what you're asking, Edward."_

"_Hey, Edward," a group of sophomore girls chimed as they walked by._

_He waved without looking at them, grinning when I raised my eyebrow up at him. It was crooked and sexy, with a touch of nerves to it. "I'll be straight with you. I don't want a date to this party...unless it's you. I want _you_ to come. There's not a girl in this school that interests __me except__ you, all right? I just...really like you, Bella."_

_His sincerity, his sweet green eyes, and the pout that he gave me as he laid it all on the line was what did me in, because I really liked him, too._

"_Please?" he asked one more time in a whisper. "I'd like to get to know you better."_

"_No, you don't," I muttered, frowning down at my hands. I looked back up at him and gave in. "I'll try, okay? I can't make any promises. But I'm not sneaking out. It's why I'm in trouble to begin with. I'll see if Alice will help me out after school. They love her."_

_The smile that lit up his face had to have been the prettiest sight I'd ever seen, but my heart nearly pounded out of my chest when he bent down to place a soft kiss to my cheek._

"_Just call me either way, okay?" he whispered before walking away._

~oOo~

"You lied to him," Dr. Franklin stated softly.

I nodded to him, coming back from the memory with my heart hurting. God, I just missed Edward to the point I was shaking. What hurt even more was knowing he probably hated me and had moved on once he'd gone off to college. We'd have both been finishing our freshman year at UW together, though I'd probably ruined that for him, too.

"What happened when you got home from school that day?"

"The dear, sweet coach was all for the party...in front of my mother and Alice," I said sarcastically. "Gave me a curfew of one o'clock, since it was a Friday night."

"What happened, Bella?" the doc urged.

I lit another cigarette, grateful our time was almost up. Turning to him, I whispered, "He... He cornered me in my bathroom. Alone." The doc was quiet as he let me work up the courage to say the words out loud, and I found that I _wanted_ to say them, because I was tired of hiding behind my past. "He told me that he was only letting me go because my mother wanted it. He reminded me that she was sick and that she couldn't protect me for much longer. He..." I huffed a heavy breath through my nose, squeezing my eyes shut. "He grabbed my arm and forced me to the floor to 'remind me just who was in charge,' because he knew what I was up to. He reminded me that I was on shaky ground with him and that he didn't trust me."

My breathing came out in bursts at the memory, and suddenly, Dr. Franklin was kneeling in front of me.

"Breathe, Bella," he soothed. "Deep breaths. Did he touch you?"

"No," I whimpered, shaking my head. "Luckily, Alice interrupted."

"Good for her," he praised, his voice still soothing, still soft. "You fought Phil, didn't you?" he asked.

I nodded, finally looking at the young man in front of me. "Yes. I always fought with him. All the way up until the day I graduated. He wasn't a pervert, and he didn't hit me. He was...just a complete and utter asshole."

The doc sighed, his face filled with patience and understanding as he nodded. "You were eighteen," he stated.

"And still in school, with my mother dying of cancer. My adoptive father was the most respected member of the motherfucking community, because the Forks High baseball team had been state champs for five fucking forevers, Doc! He told me every single day what a worthless piece of druggie trash I was. What the blue fucking hell was I supposed to do? There comes a time that you start to believe the shit people tell you," I ranted, lighting another cigarette with the fire from the last one.

"Where was your biological father?"

"Dead...when I was twelve. He was the Forks Police Chief," I said, and even to my own ears, my voice sounded defeated. "You so know that shit, Doc. My file must be three feet thick," I sneered up at him, angry that I was feeling everything like it was fucking yesterday. I was pissed the fuck off that he was digging too close to the heart if it all.

Dr. Franklin nodded, patted my leg, and stood up. "That's enough for today, I think. You did extremely well, Bella."

I nodded, stubbing out my cigarette.

"Tomorrow, I'd really like to hear the rest of that story. I'd like to know more about Edward," he said, but I knew his tone was an order, not a request.

"It hurts to talk about him, Doc. You don't know what you're asking," I told him, standing up and pocketing my chocolate bar.

He smiled. "Yeah, I think I do."

~oOo~

_By the time Alice and I made it to Emmett's house, I was already stoned. Not only had we smoked a joint in her car on the way there, I'd also stolen a flask of vodka from Phil's liquor cabinet. I was so fucking angry after Phil had threatened me. I'd tried to beg off the party, but Alice had insisted. She'd said it would do me good to get away from talk of chemotherapy, Hospice care, and Phil's nasty attitude._

_That was the thing about Alice. She knew. She knew everything, but she never said a word about it. She merely played defense when she stayed over, which was less and less as she and her boyfriend, Jasper, got closer. I wouldn't dare keep her from him, but I had made her swear with blood, on a stack of Bibles, and on her first child's soul not to say a word to anyone. _

_The house was booming when we parked in the front yard. I could see that all of our friends were already there, as well as Edward's Volvo, which was parked out on the street._

"_I shouldn't have come," I whispered once she'd turned off the car, but she followed my gaze to the shiny, silver car gleaming in the moonlight._

"_He really likes you," she countered._

"_I should stay away from him." I sighed, taking a long draw on the flask and wincing at the burn of the liquor as it slid down my throat. I wanted to be numb from it all – my blooming feelings for Edward, my anger at Phil, and the impending death of my mother._

"_Bella, you've already been accepted into U-Dub. So has he. Baseball scholarship," she said, raising her eyebrows up when I spun my gaze to hers. "It's not long now and you'll be out of that house. He can't control you forever."_

_Without bothering to argue with her, I opened my door, only to run into tall, dark, and extremely handsome._

"_You came!" Edward gushed excitedly, tugging me out of the car. "You were supposed to call. I've been fending off Cosmo girl all night."_

"_Just tell Jessica to go fuck herself," I snorted, rolling my eyes._

_He laughed, draping his arm around my shoulders. "No. Mike swept her off upstairs somewhere."_

"_Ew," Alice and I groaned as we walked inside, which caused Edward to laugh again._

_The party was in full swing, a picture frame already shattered on the floor in the living room. How Emmett explained all the mess away when his parents returned from their trip was beyond me, but something got broken every time he threw one of these parties. It was widely known._

"_Hmm, drink?" Edward offered as Alice left us to go find Jasper. "Or there's some sort of video game contest. And I swear to God, there's a group in the den playing Spin the Bottle."_

_I laughed, shaking my head. "Drink is fine."_

_He grabbed me a beer, taking one for himself, and led me out onto the back porch, where we took the swing._

"_So Alice worked her charm, I see," he said, tapping my bottle with his own and taking a long drink._

_I tried not to watch his throat, but it was impossible. Even his Adam's apple was fucking sexy._

"_Yeah, I guess," I sighed, shrugging a shoulder. "I rarely ask to go anywhere, so they didn't put up too much of a fuss," I lied, gazing down at his sneakers as they pushed us slowly._

_I downed my beer, without thinking, and Edward's eyes widened._

"_Want another?" he offered, but I shook my head no, pulling out another joint and lighting it up._

"_Hit?" I held it out to him, but he looked like a deer in headlights. "Have you ever smoked before?" I asked, smiling when he shook his head no. "Do you want to try it?"_

"_I...um, okay," he conceded._

I should've stopped then. I should've walked away and left him alone. He was too good for me. But I'd wanted his company, wanted him to keep looking at me like I was the best thing he'd seen all damn day, so I'd pulled him closer.

"_Just breathe in when I breathe out, okay?" I instructed, taking a long hit off of the joint._

_I leaned closer to him so that my lips were barely brushing his. He inhaled sharply, but swallowed once before doing as I'd told him. He sputtered a bit at the end but smiled lazily once he exhaled. He was so fucking beautiful, his eyes turning a sweet evergreen as they watered a little._

_I giggled at him, and he smiled shyly. He took another shotgun hit before turning in the swing to face me. He used one foot to rock us. When I snuffed out my roach and turned back to him, his face was so very close._

"_You're so pretty," he whispered, his fingers trailing down my face. His eyes traveled all over my face, finally landing on my lips._

"_That's the weed talking," I chuckled._

"_No, it's not," he said seriously. "I wanted to tell you that today in Biology. Hell, I've wanted to tell you since the first day of school, but..." He shrugged a shoulder._

_My smiled fell, and I looked away from him. "I don't feel pretty, Edward. You really shouldn't do this..."_

"_Do what? Bella, I really like you. And I think that you like me, too..."_

_Oh, God, I did. I liked him probably more than I should, because I destroyed everyone that I loved. _

"_I do, but..."_

"_Then what's the problem?"_

"_There are so many girls out there who are better for you," I told him. "I'm certainly not one of them. I'll only hurt you."_

"_I can take care of myself," he argued, cupping my face. "Kiss me. Kiss me and tell me you don't feel the same..."_

_I knew what would happen if my lips touched his, but I couldn't stop it, no matter how badly my hazy mind was telling me not to do it. Maybe I just wanted to feel normal, maybe I just wanted to be wanted by someone as sweet and kind and honest as Edward. Or maybe I just needed that next obsession, because when his lips touched mine, I was completely hooked._

_And fuck, if the boy didn't kiss me stupid. He had soft lips, and his tongue tasted like beer and smoke and mint. He kissed me deeply, swirling his tongue with my own, only to suckle on my bottom lip. It was sensual and filled with more than just teenage hormones, because most boys kissed like they were trying to eat a girl's face. But not Edward. He kissed like he was trying to tell me everything all at once without saying a single fucking word._

"_Christ," I panted once he'd pulled back a little. My heart was pounding, my head was spinning, and my fingers were threaded into his soft hair. "Oh, God... Edward, you can't tell anyone about this," I suddenly begged him, and his smug smile fell a bit. "I'm...um, I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend, so you can't let this get back to your _coach_," I said, trying to get him to understand. "This is so very important. Please, please tell me you understand."_

_Edward looked hurt until I said that last sentence, and his eyes narrowed on me. "Okay," he vowed. "I promise. If you call me your boyfriend, I'll keep any secret you want," he chuckled, kissing me again._

~oOo~

"You were protecting him," Dr. Franklin surmised, pulling me once again out of my memories. "Phil could've ruined him just to prove a point."

I nodded, glancing around at the dark, cloudy day as we sat beneath the gazebo. The sound of rain dropping down all around us was soothing. I lit a cigarette, letting out a heavy puff of smoke.

"How'd the rest of the night go?" Doc asked, and I smiled.

"Just about as perfect as I could imagine," I said with a grin. "We kissed, talked, and then kissed some more." I sniffed, gazing out into the rain. "I told him about my mom's illness that night, something that no one really knew about. He told me about his parents, and they sounded just as perfect as he was. I skirted around the subject of Phil. He asked about my real dad, but..." I took a hit of my cigarette. "I think Edward knew something then, but he didn't say anything." I frowned, shaking my head. "He was too sweet, too good to let Phil hurt him. And he could've really messed him up."

"You mean that baseball scholarship," Dr. Franklin guessed.

"Yeah, and that thing meant the world to Edward. It was something he'd earned. It wasn't just something handed to him by his parents. He was so fucking proud of it," I explained. "Though, I'm sure he lost it when all the shit hit the fan, and that would be my fault."

I was quiet for a moment, and the doc let me be. I took a deep breath, saying, "We were late for curfew."

"And?"

"Edward drove me home, but it was ten after one when I finally walked inside my house. Phil was waiting for me. He yelled at me, told me I was drunk and high, that I should get my ass to my room and stay there for the rest of the weekend. He gripped my arm and threw me toward the stairs."

Dr. Franklin cursed softly, shaking his head.

I glared down at the wooden floor of the gazebo, smoking the last hit on my cigarette, only to light another. "My mother was already asleep that night, the nurse having given her something for pain, so she heard nothing. Thank God. At that point, I found my mother's prescription for pain killers."

"Only it didn't end with pain killers."

"No." I shook my head. "But it's amazing just how perfect you feel when something so small as a pill can make all the bad shit just...fade away."

"And Edward?"

"I tried to break it off that next Monday, but it was impossible," I snickered, rolling my eyes at the memory. "He was...determined. We skipped Biology class, smoked a joint in his car, and he kissed me until I couldn't see straight."

"Sounds like he knew what he wanted," Doc chuckled.

"He did," I agreed. "I told him I couldn't come out anymore, that being late for curfew really did get me grounded."

"What did he do about that?"

I frowned down at my hands, saying, "He took it about a month, and then he started sneaking in my bedroom window at night. Stolen kisses in the hallway apparently weren't good enough for him."

"Why does that sound like bad news, instead of some romantic _Romeo and Juliet_ gesture?"

"Oh, God, it was all of that," I groaned, throwing my cigarette butt into the rain and fisting my hair. "It was sweet and sexy and our own perfect little bubble. He made me forget what was just on the other side of my bedroom door. It was a bigger rush than any drug. He made me feel...everything and nothing. All at one time."

Dr. Franklin nodded, smiling softly. "Love tends to do that."

I huffed a laugh through my nose. "Funny you should say that. The night he told me he loved me was the first time that he heard Phil yell at me..."

~oOo~

_We'd been Secret Significant Others for about three months – one of those months had been filled with his sneaking into my bedroom window. I'd fallen completely in love with him. He never complained about any of it. Not once. In fact, he was supportive, caring, and completely attentive. He made the bad shit fade away, making me use and drink less and less._

_Edward had turned into my drug of choice._

"_Where do your parents think you go every night?" I asked, grinning when I was pushed roughly onto my bed._

"_Emmett's," Edward chuckled shamelessly as he crawled up my body._

We'd been having sex for about two weeks, and we were utterly insatiable. He'd been my first, and surprisingly enough, I'd been his. Every night he'd crawled through my window, we'd lose ourselves to kisses, skin, and sweet smiles that were reserved only for each other.

I was happier than I'd ever been. I should've known that the stack of lies I'd piled around me would come falling down eventually. I just never wanted to admit it. And I never, ever wanted Edward to know just what I was.

"_My parents know about you, though," he murmured, pushing at my t-shirt until I relented and it landed somewhere in the twisted sheets. "They want to meet you."_

"_You shouldn't have done that," I sighed, grasping both sides of his handsome face and pulling it up so that we were at eye level. "They'll say something."_

"_No, no, no," he countered softly. "I told them that you aren't allowed to have a boyfriend. That we only see each other on approved dates. They promised to keep it to themselves."_

_His proud smile made me smile._

"_I love you," he suddenly blurted out, and before I could say anything else, he started to ramble. "I do, Bella. I think I'll lose my mind with the feeling."_

_My eyes teared up, and I kissed his lips hard. "I shouldn't love you back, but I do. So much."_

"_Why?" he whispered, kissing my cheek, down my neck, and across my throat. "Why shouldn't you?" He lifted his head in order to see my face._

"_I'm not a good person, baby," I sighed, feeling the walls of lies become shaky._

_I wanted to tell him everything, but I was scared. He looked at me like I was the best thing that had ever happened to him, but I knew it was only a matter of time before he heard the truth from someone, and he'd run from me. I just wanted to hold onto him for as long as I could._

"_You're beautiful...inside and out," he countered, his brow furrowing. "You don't see it, do you?"_

"_No." _

_I'd heard way too many things I'd done wrong to believe the good he was trying to sell me. But God, he tried. Starting at my head and telling me how smart I was, Edward kissed every inch of me, murmuring all that he found beautiful about me. It was the physical and the internal. He told me that my eyes were soulful, like melted chocolate, at the same time that he said he loved watching the world through them. He kissed my chest where my heart was pounding for him, telling me that my heart was kind and sweet and thumped heavier when he was kissing me like that. He made me laugh when he couldn't say more than he just really loved my tits._

_As he made love to me, he didn't stop telling me how much he loved me, how beautiful I was, and just what being with me made him feel. Edward almost had me convinced that we could make it the last few months of high school. That UW wasn't so far away and then I'd be free to be with him._

_He gave me hope. And I loved him for it while I hated the unstable feel of it. Hope was not something I'd had. Ever._

_The TV was on in my room, though muted, as we lay there in each others arms. We talked about college, really getting to go out on dates, and what classes we wanted to take together. It was just about time for Edward to head home when there was a pounding on my bedroom door. I got up, tugging on a t-shirt and shorts as Edward slipped silently into the closet._

"_What now, Phil?" I groaned, faking that he'd woken me up._

"_You think I'm stupid, don't you?" he growled._

_Folding my arms across my chest, I said, "Well, that depends on exactly what we're talking about. I'll admit you know sports, but you'd be a bust on Jeopardy. I'm not sure you're familiar with the Periodic Table."_

"_Enough, smart ass," he huffed, rolling his eyes, but from behind his back, he pulled out a notebook and a bottle of prescription pills. "You think I can't count. You think I'm not watching you? If that's the case, then you're the stupid one, sweetheart."_

_I recognized my mother's bottle of Oxycontin from a mile away, but I simply shrugged. "I had a headache."_

"_Bullshit. There are fifteen pills missing out of this bottle from the last month...unaccounted for," he tacked on the last two words when I opened my mouth to tell him that my mother might've needed some. He pointed to me. "You're gonna end up just like her – dying due to these choices that you're making, Isabella. You almost fucking died once. If you're so determined to kill yourself, at least save it until your mother is gone. Otherwise you'll kill her, too."_

_I flinched at his last statement. "Get out of my room, Phil," I murmured. The knowledge that Edward could hear every bit of what he was saying was not lost on me whatsoever._

"_Another thing," Phil said, leaning closer, his face filled with anger. "I'm also well aware of you and Edward Cullen. You should leave that boy alone, Bella. He's got a bright future ahead of him. He doesn't need to get himself wrapped up in someone that could ruin that for him."_

"_Right, I'll remember that," I sneered, trying to close the door, but his hand shot out to stop me._

"_I'm not done. You'll bring me your bank card and your car keys, Bella. You'll have to find a ride to and from school. You'll get enough money to get lunch. Maybe if you lose the last of your freedom, you'll get your shit together before you kill yourself or someone else."_

_I handed him the things he'd asked for, slamming the door when he walked away._

_I fell onto the edge of the bed, resting my elbows on my knees when Edward knelt in front of me. He was looking at me with pity and sympathy, but the love was still there._

"_You should listen to him, Edward," I sighed, cupping his face. "He's right. I'll only hurt you."_

"_The only thing that could hurt me is if you didn't love me. Nothing else matters," he stated firmly without a single bit of hesitation. "What did he mean you almost died?"_

_I held out my wrists, tears falling down my face. I didn't say a word but let Edward figure it out on his own. Gentle, calloused thumbs traced over the scars on my wrists, and he brought them up to his lips to place a kiss to each one._

"_When?" he asked softly, kissing them again before setting them down. He reached up and wiped away my tears._

"_When I was fourteen."_

"_And your mother?"_

"_Phil blames my mother's liver cancer on her drinking. She went through...a phase," I explained the best I could without telling him that the phase was really my fault._

_Edward nodded, leaning in to kiss me softly. "I love you. I mean it."_

"_Love you, too," I replied, because at least he could have that much of the truth from me._

"_Good," he said, beaming and giving me a flirty wink when he stood up. "See you tomorrow."_

~oOo~

"Nothing ever scared him away?" Dr. Franklin chuckled.

"Uh, no." I huffed a laugh, shaking my head as I took a drag. "In fact, he was more determined than ever. He showed up the next morning as my ride to school."

Doc laughed, glancing over at me.

"He did!" I giggled, because I just couldn't help it. "He just knocked on the front door and said, 'Hey, Coach, I'm here to take Bella to school.'" I chuckled again. "Edward used it as an excuse to come out to everyone...even Phil. He figured since my stepfather knew, then fuck it, everyone could know."

I lit another cigarette, my eyes falling to my hands. "Phil tried to deter him, gave him all these...vague warnings and rules, but Edward just... He just smiled and shrugged it off, like he couldn't care less."

"You know, we need to talk about your dad, Bella," Doc said softly, tossing a chocolate bar to my lap.

"Are you trying to make me fat?" I asked, evading his statement.

"Bella..."

"I know, all right?" I whined, shaking my head.

"Did Edward know?"

"He was told eventually," I murmured, taking a drag on my cigarette. "Look, Doc... I'm tired of talking today." I blew the smoke out of my lungs. "I can't think anymore about Edward right now."

He studied my face but conceded with a nod. "It was a good session today, Bella. You've come a long way."

I nodded, snuffing out my cigarette butt and following him toward the main building.

"Tomorrow, we're gonna do something a little different," he told me. "Meet me in my office at the regular time, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," I sighed, passing through when he held the door open for me.

I walked into my room and fell down on the bed. My roommate, Donna, was draped across her own bed, her feet in the air, and she glanced up from her book.

"How'd it go?" she asked, sitting up and setting her book aside.

"It went," I murmured, snatching open the drawer of my nightstand to toss my chocolate bar in there to join a handful of others. The action caused items in the drawer to shift, revealing a picture that I'd hidden away. I pulled it out, tracing my fingers down Edward's beautiful face.

"Who's he?" Donna asked, sitting beside me and looking over my shoulder.

"He's someone...special," I said, smiling over at her.

Donna was in for food addiction. She'd been through it all – bulimia, anorexia, and attempted suicide. She was working on her self-esteem. And it was getting there. She was quiet, calm, and I couldn't have asked for a better roommate. We'd been together for eight months.

"Gosh, he's cute," she gushed, and I chuckled over at her. "Is he... Is he your goal?"

I groaned, shrugging a shoulder. We all had goals on why we wanted out of Breckenridge. It was part of our therapy. Donna just wanted to be able to eat without overthinking her looks, her weight, and what her mother would say. A couple of girls in my NA meeting just wanted to get back to their lives, their families, without the weight of the world on their shoulders. They wanted to face everything without having to mask it with drugs or alcohol.

"I don't know," I muttered, gazing at deep green eyes and my favorite crooked smile. "I owe him an apology. I know that much. He's definitely a step I have to reconcile."

"What happened?"

"I almost killed him," I said, tossing the picture back in the drawer. "It's how I got here." I sighed, waving her off my bed. "Now, scoot. I need to sleep."

~oOo~

"_What do you say we head home, kiddo?" Dad asked, smiling over at me from the driver's seat of his police cruiser._

"_Yeah, sure, but can we stop on the way? I need glue for my science project," I told him, putting my seat belt on. I'd spent the afternoon with him at the station, most likely being a nuisance, but he'd never complained._

"_You got it. What is it this time? Photosynthesis? Biodegradable garbage?" He chuckled. "I swear you'll be cloning shit in your bedroom soon."_

_I laughed, shoving his arm. "No! It's about how the sun helps things grow, Dad. And I don't like science all that much. I'd rather read or write."_

"_Well, then, do it," he said, shrugging a shoulder. "You can do anything that you set that stubborn mind to. You're starting seventh grade next year. Now's the time to really start making goals for what you want to do."_

"_I'm only twelve," I laughed, rolling my eyes._

"_And you'll change your mind a million times before you're twenty. Trust me, kid, you will. There's no such thing as a bad choice, either. Now is the time to play with everything. Be a teacher, or change your mind and be a firefighter. It doesn't matter. You get me?" he asked, pulling into the convenience store on the way home from the station and turning to me. "Bells, you try it all. Something will snag your heart, and you'll finally know what it is that you want to do for the rest of your life."_

"_What if I only want have a kid, like mom?" I teased him._

_He shot me a wink, saying, "Then I'll be helluva proud grandpa. But that means you hafta kiss..._boys_."_

_I grinned, because he knew I thought most boys were dumb, especially his friend Billy's son, Jake, who professed to like me, but he was only ten._

"_What kinda glue, silly girl?" he laughed, ruffling my hair._

"_I think it's just regular Elmer's," I told him, rummaging around in my bag for the list I needed. Pulling it out, I said, "Yeah, just regular old glue."_

"_Okay, got it. Be right back," he said, leaving me in the car._

_I watched him walk inside but flipped through my notebook for science class. I was planning on getting started when I got home, because I hated to leave it for the last minute. The poster board was already leaning against the wall of my room. I scanned through the pages, realizing I needed one more thing. Without thinking, I opened my door and ran into the store._

I hadn't been paying attention. If I'd had, then I would've seen the scruffy guy with the gun. If I'd have been watching my dad instead of doing my own thing, I wouldn't have startled the gunman...or my father.

"_Hey, Dad!" I gushed, bursting through the glass doors. "I also need paperclips!" I yelled, freezing when I saw everyone with their hands in the air – my dad, old Mrs. Connelly behind the counter, and the lady that I recognized from down the street._

_The scruffy man, however, spun his gun my way with a gasp._

"_Bells! No!" my dad yelled, diving for the gunman, but everyone screamed when the gun went off._

_The scruffy guy bolted for the door, and I rushed to my father, tears streaming down my face. When I turned him over, the store faded away and I was on the side of the wet highway, staring down at Edward, who was bleeding, his leg sticking out at an odd angle. The smell of radiator fluid, tree sap, and spilling gasoline hung heavily around me as I tried my fucking damnedest to wake him up._

"_Please, _please_, wake up!" I screamed, shaking him. When I glanced up, everyone I knew was standing around me, all wearing faces filled with accusation and disgust._

"_If she hadn't just bolted in there, Charlie may have taken the crack-head down," the first officer that was on scene to my father's murder said, tsking and shaking his head._

"_You just _had_ to stop, didn't you?" my mother asked, swirling her glass of whiskey around so that the ice cubes clinked against the sides. She was younger, healthier...still alive. And it hurt to see her._

"_Why were you on the side of the road?!" Esme, Edward's mother wailed, leaning against her husband, who was just shaking his head in silence._

"_I told you, Bella," Phil chuckled darkly, folding his arms across his chest. "You did this. You ruin everything and everyone you touch..."_

"_Your fault..."_

~oOo~

I yawned as I walked down the corridor on my way to Dr. Frankin's office. My sleep was shitty, due to the nightmares. I hadn't had them in months, but the night before, I'd been afraid to close my eyes for the rest of the night after they'd woken me. All the memories that the doc was making me relive was fucking with me hard. I wanted to rage against him, break shit, but I wanted out of this place. I'd been clean and sober from the minute I'd been checked in, which was going to be a year in a little less than three months. I'd suffered through detox, withdrawals, cravings, loneliness, and never-ending guilt. That last feeling never, ever went away, because I'd hurt everyone I'd ever loved.

I walked into Franklin's office, getting the nod from Virginia, his personal assistant. Cracking the door open, I froze at the sight of who was sitting across from my therapist.

"Phil," I hissed, unable to stop my lip from curling in hatred. I spun to Dr. Franklin, saying, "This? This is the _something different_ you wanted me to do today? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Your father called me yesterday morning—" Doc started, but I stopped him.

"He's _not_ my fucking father!" I yelled.

"Bella, please," Phil begged, looking like I'd slapped him. "I need... There are some things you should hear. There are things I need to say to you, okay? Just give me...ten minutes, and I'll leave. I swear."

"Isabella, sit down," Doc sighed, looking like he was sweating bullets.

"I can hear him just fine from the doorway," I sneered, folding my arms across my chest and giving the clock a dramatic glance before turning back to Phil. "Nine minutes...thirty seconds. Go."

"Bella," Phil started, sitting forward in his chair, "I owe you an enormous apology. I went about trying to help you all wrong. I know that now. Dr. Franklin put me in touch with someone to talk to the minute he took over your case. I shouldn't have been so strict. I should have found help for you, not pushed and pushed until you were backed into a corner."

"You blamed her death on me, Phil," I growled, shaking my head and looking at the floor. "She was already dying, and you blamed it on me. Just because you weren't home... You had a game to coach, so I sat with her. I was fucking asleep in the chair by her bed when she stopped breathing. _You_ hung the Do Not Resuscitate order on the fucking wall."

"I know I did," Phil said, his emotions thickening his voice. "And I blamed you for her drinking. We all handled it wrong. Your mother should have gotten you a counselor after Charlie. She should have seen what her drinking was doing to not only herself, but to you. You tried to kill yourself at fourteen – two years after your dad died – and she still didn't see it. I don't regret a single minute with you or your mother, but I do regret how we dealt with everything."

I shook my head, unable to stop the tears from falling down my face.

"The doc here says you're getting better...every day," Phil continued, taking a direction I wasn't sure about.

I locked gazes with a nodding Dr. Franklin. "He's a pushover. Tell him a few stories and he's like putty in my hands," I muttered sarcastically.

Both men chuckled, but Phil continued. "I need to also tell you...I'm moving, Bella. I've been offered a college coaching position in California, and I'm going to take it. It's time for me to start over. But you need to understand something. You'll always have somewhere to go. You'll always have a home. Okay? Whether you come to me or you go to the house in Forks, because that's yours. It was left to you by Charlie and Renee. I'll make sure someone looks after it until you're ready for it."

I nodded, feeling a strange sense of complete abandonment, because he was the only thing I had left, despite how we'd never gotten along.

"I also should apologize for the night of your accident, Bella. I pushed you. I forced you to do something extreme. I shouldn't have let you leave or drive. And I shouldn't have let Edward get in the car with you."

"You," I growled, my voice low. "You do not get to talk about Edward."

"He's doing—"

"No!" I snapped, starting to pace. "You gave me a choice, Phil. I made the wrong one. Edward...he chose to come along. These are _our_ choices. You told us that we couldn't see each other until after graduation. You forced us to separate, because looking at us made you miss my mom. But without him, I couldn't even breathe, much less cope without drugs. Only this time, pain killers wouldn't do. Cocain helped keep me up and helped keep the nightmares away, Xanax calmed the shaky hands, and drinking just helped wash it all away.

"The entire time I was with Edward, I'd had one drink, two joints, and a single pain killer over the span of five months. After you banned him from me, I wanted to die. He was the first _good thing_ to ever happen to me. He didn't look at me like I was a leper, like he blamed me for my dad like everyone else did, and he loved me..._so much_!" The sob I let loose actually hurt my entire body, but mainly my chest. "He never judged me on any of it. In fact, he helped me through cravings and withdrawals. He made me feel like I was worth something, like I counted. But you took all of that away."

"I know I did, sweetheart, and I'm sorry. I caused you to act rashly," he said, his own tears falling. "I wanted so badly to help you, but I went about it all wrong. I didn't know any other way. My own dad would have told me to pull my head out of my ass and act right."

I snorted, swiping at my tears.

Phil stood up, brushed off his pants in a nervous gesture, and locked gazes with me. "You take..._all_ the time you need. This... This place has been completely taken care of," he said, walking to me. He set a heavy hand on my shoulder. "And I took the liberty of changing your name back to Swan..."

With that, he left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Glaring over at Dr. Franklin, I huffed heavily through my nose. "Really?"

"He called me," he defended with a shrug of his shoulder, not looking apologetic at all. "Let's get out of here," he sighed, standing up and grabbing his jacket. "Looks like a gazebo day..."

We walked in silence as we made our way across the grounds, falling down at the table. I lit a cigarette as I gazed unseeingly at the water dripping down from the roof.

"Tell me about the night of the accident," he said softly.

"No," I whispered, shaking my head. "I'm sure you have my file memorized. You tell me."

He took a deep breath and let it out. "Okay. Fine," he conceded. "Your mother died two weeks before you were due to graduate from Forks High – with honors, I might add. The day of her funeral, you and Edward had a falling out with Phil. After meeting him, I can understand why. He was grieving, and he took it out on the two of you. Instead of seeing your relationship with Edward as something positive, he saw what he didn't have, and he lashed out, forbidding the two of you from seeing each other. At least until after you graduated, because he couldn't stop you then. You'd be going to the same college, you were legal adults, but as long as you were under his roof..."

I exhaled a long puff of smoke, looking over at the doc. He looked nervous, but he was doing so well. Apparently, someone along the line took damn good notes about my fucked up life.

"Anyway, the forced breakup caused you to spiral out of control. Phil even pulled strings to take Edward out of any classes you shared, so you were completely apart. Your depression, your own grief over the loss of your mother, and your inability to cope with stress caused not only nightmares but a long binge of drinking and drugs. You weren't even sober at graduation."

"Which is the night of the accident..." I murmured, lighting another smoke.

"Yes," he agreed slowly. "That night, Edward showed up at your house, thinking the separation was over, and arrived in the middle of a fight between you and Phil. He wanted to extend the separation until you moved into the dorms, but you wouldn't have it. You wouldn't even hear reason, because you were high." He sighed, sitting forward with his elbows on his knees. "You were determined to make the graduation parties with Edward, so when he arrived, Phil tried to stop you. You got behind the wheel anyway."

"Yup, word perfect," I snarked, nodding one time. "You want to finish, or shall I?" When he didn't say anything, I went on. "It was raining that night. The roads were slick, and Edward..." I huffed a laugh, shaking my head. "He was just so happy to be back together that he didn't really notice the speedometer or my shaking hands until we were several miles from my house. He begged me to pull over...and I did. I just didn't pull over far enough." I sniffed, picking at an invisible piece of lint on my pants. "He tried to calm me down, telling me that it was all over, that we would be just fine, but before he could convince me to let him drive, a truck came around the bend..."

Squeezing my eyes closed, I could pretty much see it all like it was yesterday. The sound of squealing tires, the feel of Edward's fingers on my face, and the sight of his stunning smile as he told me he loved me over and over – it was all _right there_.

~oOo~

"_Come on, baby," Edward chuckled, kissing my lips softly. "We'll stop at the diner, grab some food and you a cup of coffee and we'll head over to Emmett's, okay?" he asked, and I nodded, because he made everything so much fucking better. "How about you let me drive, yeah?"_

_Edward opened his door, setting a foot down on the asphalt, and turned back to me. He was just such a sight for sore eyes that I couldn't help but kiss him again and again._

"_I missed you," I sighed, smiling at his sweet chuckle._

"_And I love you. Come on. Let's go celebrate – us and the fact that we're almost the fuck outta here." He grinned, starting to step out of the car, and I ran around to his side._

_We both looked back as the truck barreled around the corner. I was completely out of the car and already at his door, but Edward sort of froze, though they told me later that the fact that he was standing may have saved his life. When the truck slammed on its breaks, it lost control, rear-ending my car, which crashed into the closest tree._

_The collision was loud and hard, sending Edward flying, his left leg badly broken. Blood was everywhere, as was my car. Luckily, the driver of the truck acted quickly and called 9-1-1. In fact, by the time we rolled into the ER, the driver had to convince everyone we knew that it wasn't my fault, that I'd been pulled over. But when they tested me, it didn't matter. I was way over the legal limit, stoned out of my mind, and an absolute emotional mess, because no one would tell me about Edward._

_When I'd finally been released, I was beside myself, wanting to know something, _anything_ about Edward. Instead of heading out to the waiting room, I went in search for him, only to come across Phil, Dr. Cullen, his wife Esme, and a shit load of police officers._

"_She needs discipline!" Phil hissed, pounding his fist into the palm of his other hand._

"_She needs _help_," Dr. Cullen countered firmly. "She's filled with anger, depression, and grief, and she's drowning it all with substance abuse."_

_My eyebrows shot up, because the last person on this Earth that I'd expect to defend me was Edward's dad. I'd just put his son in the hospital. I'd hung out at his house a handful of times and his parents were always kind, but I didn't think they'd care enough to defend me, as their son was hurting._

"_There's a place not far from here. I can put a word in, Coach. She'll be in the best of care," Dr. Cullen urged, turning toward the officers. "And don't you dare cuff her inside my hospital. She's hurting enough as it is."_

"_Bella," Esme sniffled, rushing to me. "He's going to be just fine, sweetie, okay?"_

"_Where is he?" I sobbed, ignoring everyone else but the one person that was giving me what I needed._

"_He's getting his leg set," Dr. Cullen answered kindly. "He'll be just fine. A few bumps and bruises, a possible concussion, but he'll be all right. He asked for you, but I told him that you were okay."_

_I nodded, swiping at my tears and looking at the officers._

"_Isabella Dwyer, you have the right to remain silent..." one of them started, but I barely heard a word of it._

I was taken to the station, fingerprinted, processed, and released into Phil's custody. Dr. Cullen had sent a lawyer our way, getting the DA to drop all charges as long as I sought help. When I should've been getting ready to move into UW, I was packing for Breckenridge.

I was allowed to see Edward one time before Phil drove me to Seattle. It might've been the single hardest conversation I'd ever had.

_Edward was propped up in his hospital bed when I walked in, his leg covered in plaster from toes to mid-thigh. His beautiful face had a few scrapes and bruises, there was a bandage on his forearm, and thankfully, he was alone in the room._

_He glanced up from his phone, relief softening what was a harsh look on his face. "Bella, you're all right... I tried calling you, but no one answered."_

"_Yeah, I'm okay," I whispered, sitting down where he was patting the side of his bed. "My phone didn't survive the crash. How are you?"_

"_Aw, I'll live," he chuckled, shrugging a shoulder. "They said I was lucky I wasn't inside the car completely. A broken leg is better than what could've happened. The U-Dub coach isn't happy, but baseball isn't everything."_

_Tears welled up in my eyes at the thought of Edward losing the one thing he'd worked so hard to achieve. What hurt even more was that he didn't care. His only concern was me._

"_Edward, you...you should be so mad at me," I told him, almost angry with him for not being upset._

"_Why?" he laughed, reaching up to wipe my tears away. "You pulled over, Bella. It's the truck driver's fault that he didn't see us."_

"_I didn't pull over far enough. They said I was in the middle of the road," I explained, but really, it didn't matter. I needed to end this, because his comforting touches, his sweet face, and his happy smile were all just too much. He made me want to crawl in bed beside him and never come out from under the covers. And I couldn't. "They tested me, Edward. And they know I was driving, so they gave me a choice: jail or this hospital your dad knows about. Phil's dropping me off today, but I couldn't leave without seeing you."_

"_Leave? Baby, what are you talking about?" he asked._

_I shot the door an angry glance, because they hadn't told him anything. "I'm..." I sighed, shaking my head. It figured that the first time I admitted I had a problem would be to Edward. "I'm sick. I need to be high to cope with shit that I can't deal with."_

_His brow furrowed as he studied my face, and the next question he asked was definitely not what I was expecting. "Why did you do this?" he asked, picking up my hands and turning them over so that my scars were visible._

_For the first and last time, I told someone about my dad._

_I stood up from the bed and walked to the window. "Everyone blamed me. They didn't always say it, but I knew. My mom especially. She started drinking. I had to feed us, get myself to school, and set up the funeral all on my own. I felt...so alone. I was...tired of the way she looked at me, tired of the whispers behind my back, and tired of the same fucking nightmare I saw night after night. I just couldn't deal with any of it."_

"_Bella, it wasn't your fault," Edward said calmly._

_I huffed a humorless laugh, spinning to look at him. "You're the first person to ever say that to me."_

"_Well, then they can all go to hell! You were just a kid," he said, his voice practically a growl._

"_My mom met Phil while I was in the emergency room getting stitched up where she'd told them I cut myself when a glass broke while I was doing dishes. He was in with one of his players. She stopped drinking about that time, but I picked up where she left off. Only it wasn't just drinking. It was weed, cocain, pain killers...anything, really. I just didn't want to feel...anything."_

"_C'mere," he said, patting the bed._

_He pulled me to him, and the tears that unleashed were hot, salty, and filled with so much poison. As best he could, he tugged until I was in the bed with him, lined up along his good side. He soothed me with kisses to my forehead, firm hugs, and fingers through my hair. When I was able speak again, I sat up a little, looking down at my favorite face in the world._

"_I have to go," I whispered, leaning down to kiss his lips softly._

"_How long will you be gone?" he asked, his own emotions taking over. "What about school?"_

"_I don't know the answer to that, Edward. The condition is that I get to leave when I've been cleared," I told him._

"_I'll be here when you're done," he stated firmly._

"_Don't. Please don't do that," I begged, my tears starting over._

"_I love you. Nothing will change that, Bella," he gushed, grasping either side of my face and kissing me hard. "I will wait for you."_

"_I'm telling you not to," I sobbed, standing up off the bed. "I may never be normal, Edward."_

"_I don't want fucking normal. I want you...when you're ready."_

"_You don't know what you're saying," I sighed, swiping at my face and looking up when the door opened._

"_Bella, we have to go," Phil said softly, glancing over at Edward. "How ya feelin', Cullen?"_

"_Okay, Coach," Edward muttered back, but his eyes never left me._

"_A few more minutes, please, Phil?" I said, and he relented, closing the door behind him._

"_He's...amenable," Edward noted with a sneer on his face._

_I laughed. "Yeah, well, your dad handed him his ass the night of our accident."_

_Edward's eyebrows shot up, but he said nothing, merely tugged my hand so that I came closer. "I meant it. I'll wait."_

"_If you really love me, then you'll forget about me," I stated. Every word sliced open my heart, but it wasn't fair of me to ask him to wait. Watching him bleed on the side of the road had done something to me, and I couldn't ask anyone to love me. I was completely convinced that I was bad luck._

_Those words shattered my sweet, loving Edward's face. It was a double-edged sword what I was asking of him. If he waited, then he was just holding on to false hope. If he let go, then I risked him moving on. It just fucking hurt no matter which way I looked at it._

"_I can't, Bella. I'll never do that. It'll never happen," he stated, frowning up at me. "You just...get better."_

_I nodded, understanding but hoping that he gave it some thought. Leaning down, I kissed his forehead. "I gotta go."_

_Before I reached the door, he called out, "Bella...wait."_

_Spinning, I smiled as he held up a permanent marker._

"_Sign my cast?" he asked, giving me my favorite crooked smile, though the sweet green of his eyes was dulled by tears._

"_Sure," I said, taking the pen from him. Finding an open space close to the top of the thigh, I wrote my final words to him._

_**Thank you for making me feel beautiful. Love always, B. xo**_

~oOo~

"He was right, you know," Dr. Franklin said, handing me a tissue. "Your father's death wasn't your fault."

"I know," I sighed, nodding slowly.

"You never said 'I love you' back to him," he noted.

"I couldn't," I sniffled, hating that my emotions were all over the place. "If I had said the words, I would've never left that hospital room."

The doc smiled softly but only nodded once in understanding. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Shall I give judgment now?" he asked, chuckling when I looked up at him curiously. "You seem to think it's a bad thing to miss Edward. I told you I'd tell you whether or not that was true once I'd heard the story."

"It doesn't matter, Doc," I snickered, shrugging a shoulder and pulling out another cigarette. "Who knows whether I'll see him again."

"True, but still..." he allowed with a shrug of his own shoulder. "According to your file that you think I have memorized," he started, smiling when I snorted into a chuckle, "when you first arrived, you didn't say a word. Not even through your detox did you say anything – not in therapy, not in meetings, not even to the orderlies. It took almost a hundred days for your system to clean out. It couldn't have been easy. In fact, the detox from alcohol is longer and harder than most illegal drugs, did you know that?"

I shrugged. It all hurt like hell as far as I was concerned. It was mentally, physically, and emotionally painful to go through. I threw up, I raged, and I sobbed relentlessly, but I'd done it all on my own without one complaint.

"You felt you deserved the punishment, didn't you?" he asked, almost reading my mind. When I didn't answer, he went on. "You never asked for help, you never once complained, and you never let anyone in on the hell you were going through, because you blamed yourself for not only the accident and Edward's injuries but also for your father's murder and your mother's illness. That silence is what kept you in here this long, because no one could help you, nor could they see where you stood in your progress.

"You also...refused visitors," he stated, raising an eyebrow up at me when my head spun to look at him. "It's totally your prerogative, but it didn't go unnoticed."

"I was a fucking mess, Doc," I explained. "No one needed to see that. And it wasn't like anyone was banging down the door to see me. All my friends went off to school. Phil wasn't exactly father of the year, and Edward... I just couldn't."

"Okay," he conceded. "Anyway, my point is... You took it upon yourself to suffer alone. In fact, from what I can gather, you even got high and drunk alone. Bella, you don't have to be alone to get better. This is what I've been trying to tell you since I first took over your case. It's okay to need someone's shoulder to cry on, to need someone to listen on days it's really bad, and..." He paused, making sure I was listening. "It really is okay to miss someone that you love. This Edward sounds like he was one of the rare good guys. There are only a few of us left in the world, you know," he teased, nudging my shoulder until I cracked a smile.

I was quiet for a moment, but finally said, "Donna asked me if Edward was my goal to get out of here."

"Well... Is he?" he asked, running a thumb along the table's edge. "You've yet to declare one. No one will clear you until you give something as a goal to leave – whether it's going back to school, seeing Edward, or even just being able to cope with daily bullshit without first wanting to drown it in some sort of substance."

"Yeah," I chuckled. "All of that, really. Though, I'm pretty sure my scholarship is null and void by now. And Edward..." I sighed, shaking my head. "I want to apologize to him. I want to know if he's safe and happy and healthy...even if he hates me."

"That sounds like some pretty damn good goals to me," he snickered, picking up his notebook. "Should we make it official?"

I chuckled softly and nodded. "Sure."

"Excellent," he hissed, sounding like Mr. Burns from _The Simpsons_, which only caused me to laugh harder.

"Seriously, dude. Admit it... You're a closet geek, right?" I teased him, standing up when he did.

"I swear on my _Star Wars_ Special Edition DVD collection that I have no idea what you're talking about," he answered, grinning when I laughed.

"Whatever," I snorted, shaking my head.

As we reached the door back into Breckenridge, he stopped me. "My goals are now your goals. Understand? It's my job to make sure that you meet them. So if you're ready...we'll get to work."

He held his hand out to shake on it. I paused for just a moment but took his hand and shook it.

"We have an accord," he said in a terrible British accent.

"Pirates, too?" I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "Oh, I have another goal. I'm outing your geeky-ness before I leave."

He cracked the fuck up, tapping his notebook with one finger. "Duly noted, Bella."

**~oOo~**

**A/N... You'll hear from me at the very end. :) Thanks for reading! Next chapter tomorrow.**


	2. Amends

**A/N...Part 2. Enjoy.**

**~oOo~**

**Definitions: NA – Narcotics Anonymous. AA – Alcoholics Anonymous. "Drug of choice" – whatever addiction the user has, which could range from drugs and alcohol, to porn...to whatever. It's something the user feels they can't live without.**

**~oOo~**

Chapter 2: Amends

One month later...

"I ate a piece of cake today," Donna whispered, like she was confessing a sin.

"Is that why we're walking the hallways?" I asked her, raising an eyebrow up at her until she nodded with a sheepish look on her face. "You think you need to work it off?"

"Maybe," she huffed, shrugging a shoulder. "But it's my birthday."

"Well, then, happy birthday," I told her. "And clearly, you have to know that cake on your birthday doesn't count."

"Huh?"

"Nope, not a single calorie," I said with a grin and a wink.

It wasn't like Donna was overweight. She was maybe a size ten at most, but she was a few inches taller than me, too, so it seemed to fit her. Fuck what the fashion magazines said, because she was a beautiful girl. I think she even had a few orderlies crushing on her, to be honest. But her mom was one of those former Prom Queen/Beauty Pageant/Model-type bitches that was embarrassed that her daughter didn't inherit her size zero physique. In fact, after seeing the movie _Mean Girls_, I was pretty sure I knew what happened when those kids grew up. They just became meaner women.

Donna talked about her constantly – in our room and in group therapy – but I'd actually met Mrs. Donovan on one of her visits to see her daughter. Yeah, I hated her. Instantly. She'd snubbed our room, the staff, me, and even her own daughter. She'd arranged to meet with Donna in one of the therapists' offices from that point on.

"You lie," Donna giggled.

"Maybe," I allowed, "but hell, we've already burned it off by now. Now you can just walk me to Franklin's office."

"You're close to getting out, aren't you?" she asked, and her voice was a mixture of hope, jealousy, and sadness.

"I don't know. It's their call. Nurse Winecroft seems to think so, because Dr. Johnson has said I've improved in group and NA meetings. It's all Franklin's decision at this point, but he says I have to meet with some big wig from the board of this place before I can be cleared to leave," I explained.

From the moment I'd shaken Dr. Franklin's hand, I'd dived into my therapy head first. If I was having a bad day, I took it to him, and he always made time for me. I'd seen girls work the system in order to gain their freedom, but that wasn't what I was doing. Talking in group and NA meetings helped, because it showed me that there wasn't a single one of us that didn't have similar issues. They may have been different topics, but we all handled it the same way. Poorly. It was changing that way of thinking that was the hard part. Because despite the joke about drugs killing your brain cells, it was actually true. Chasing a high changed your chemical makeup so that you could never actually feel real joy again unless it was enhanced by drugs. I was now taking medication in order to correct mine – something I'd refused constantly from the minute I'd arrived at Breckenridge. I'd most likely be on it the rest of my life, but at least the nightmares had slowed down and my internal rage had calmed.

We turned down the hallway that led to the therapists' offices, and I came to a complete standstill, my mouth falling open.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Donna asked.

"Dr. Cullen?" I whispered, my eyes narrowing at the sight of Dr. Franklin and Edward's father standing just outside the office door. They were both smiling, shaking hands.

"Oh, Dr. Tall-Blond-And-Sexy down there?" she chuckled. "Yeah, he's on the board. I met him when my mother had to seek approval to get me in here. He's really sweet...and hot."

"That's Edward's dad."

"No shit?" she squeaked, which caused both men to look our way. "Now that's good genes right there," she muttered.

I snorted, but it caught in my throat as the two doctors made their way to us. Seeing Dr. Cullen was heartbreaking and heart-wrenching all at one time, because he brought with him a feeling of fear, remorse, and utter homesickness for Edward. Carlisle Cullen didn't really resemble his son physically, except for his walk. It was exactly the fucking same – long, sure, determined strides that held confidence and authority.

"Hello, Bella," Dr. Cullen said, his voice just as soothing as I'd remembered.

"Dr. Cullen," I said, barely above a whisper.

"Bella, Dr. Cullen would like to speak with you," Dr. Franklin said.

"I didn't want visitors," I countered, tearing my gaze away from one doctor to the other, but Dr. Cullen answered instead.

"I'm not here on a personal visit, Bella. I'm here to give you an evaluation," he said, giving me a crooked smile that was eerily familiar.

Board member. Final evaluation. My brain needed to catch up. Quickly.

"You're the big wig?" I asked, causing both men and Donna to chuckle.

Carlisle smiled warmly. "I'll explain it all. Dr. Franklin says you prefer to talk outside. You want to lead the way?"

"Okay," I said with a nod, leaving Dr. Frankin with Donna in the corridor. I was pretty sure I heard him wish her a happy birthday before I made it out into the misty, cloudy day.

I led him to the gazebo, lighting a cigarette with shaky hands, but when we sat down at the table, Dr. Cullen spoke first.

"You look...incredible, Bella," he gushed, sounding more like a father and less like a doctor, and the sincerity caused my heart to pound and tears to well up.

"Thank you." I swallowed thickly, letting out a deep breath. "Why are you here?"

"I volunteered to evaluate you. It was one of the conditions of your acceptance into Breckenridge. Technically, I shouldn't do it, because it's a conflict of interest in more ways than one, but I actually think I'm the best judge for you," he explained vaguely.

"Conflict of interest?"

"I'll explain it after we've talked, okay?" he asked, smiling at my nod and flipping my rather large file open. "I can see you started rather rough, but from what's noted here, everyone in charge of you has nothing but gleaming things to say. And Dr. Franklin holds you in high regard."

I chuckled, which caused Carlisle to glance up at me. "I like him. He's been the best in here."

"You only just started working with him this past December," he stated, gazing at the file. "What changed?"

"I did."

I didn't want to say that the trigger for my therapy was Edward, though I was pretty damn sure that it was noted in my file by Dr. Franklin. And that thought only reminded me that one of my declared goals was to see Edward again, if only to apologize.

Dr. Cullen studied my face for a few seconds, only to nod and go back to his questions. We talked about group and NA, and whether I was to continue meetings once I was out, which was a yes. We talked about Phil and the last visit we'd had. And Carlisle told me that my adopted father was doing well and checked in on my progress regularly. Finally, he asked me about my one-on-one sessions with Dr. Franklin – and a few of my previous therapists.

"Did you really shatter her phone?" he chuckled.

"Yes," I huffed, frowning down at my hands. "I'm sorry about that, but she'd ask a question and then not listen to what I was saying. Not that I talked all that much back then. But she was a piss-poor doctor."

"She was. We let her go that very day," Carlisle stated firmly. "I believe she's working as a counselor in the county jail now."

My eyebrows shot up, but I said nothing.

Carlisle flipped through my file again and finally met my gaze after closing it and pushing it away. He was quiet for almost a full minute but eventually reached into the breast pocket of his suit coat, pulling out a plain white envelope.

"I've been monitoring your progress since you arrived here, Bella. I didn't visit you, but I would call in once a week to check on you because I have a vested interest in you. Again, I'll explain why in a moment. But I began to worry when you didn't progress like you should have. Once Dr. Franklin took over your case, even he noted vast improvements almost immediately. By the time you declared your goals, we knew you were ready."

My face felt hot at the thought of Dr. Cullen knowing my goals, but it was what it was. I needed to not only try to face real life and the possibility of school, but I needed to face my past, my lies, and my mistakes with Edward. I also couldn't hide in Breckenridge forever in order to stay clean.

Setting an envelope down onto the table, Dr. Cullen slid it toward me. "Your scholarship for UW has been temporarily reinstated. With glowing recommendations from not only myself, Dr. Franklin, Phil...and a few others, they've given you another shot. It starts this next fall. It's temporary, because you have to prove yourself the first semester. After that, they'll make another assessment."

I opened up the envelope, glancing over the words. The acceptance was for a full ride, but only if I maintained my grades, my attendance, and stayed out of trouble – which meant the first time I was caught with an illegal substance, I was gone.

"The day you leave here, Bella," he continued, "Phil has arranged to set you up in your old home, but eventually, you'll be living on campus, if school is what you choose to do."

I nodded silently, waiting for that next shoe to drop, but it didn't. He just kept going.

"Have you thought about what you're going to school for?" he asked.

"I want to..." I sighed, shaking my head, because it seemed like such a change compared to my old life. "I want to be a counselor. I want to help people like me."

The pride-filled smile that lit up his face was priceless. "Good for you, sweetheart," he praised softly, still smiling a little. "I'm going to clear you, Bella, because I think if anyone deserves a fresh start, it's you. Nothing that happened to you was your fault, but it did cause some heavy repercussions."

"How can you not hate me?" I suddenly blurted out, because his lack of anger worried me. "You should hate me. You should want me kept away... I almost..."

He chuckled, holding up his hand to stop me, but the look in his eye was sad, I noted. "You aren't the only one I know that has problems, Bella. You should sit down with my wife sometime. We got married young, lost our first child, and it sent Esme spiraling into a deep depression. She recognized it in you the very second you stepped foot in our home. No matter what I said to Phil, though, he insisted that it was discipline you needed, not 'coddling,' as he called it." He frowned, and it was a sharp contrast to his soft, kind features. "He's since changed his mind."

I opened my mouth to speak, but he went on.

"I told you that I had a vested interest in you," he went on, looking a little worried. After letting out a deep breath, he said, "It was me that got you in Breckenridge, me that's paying for your treatment, and it's my son that begged me to keep an eye on you."

I froze, blinking up at him.

He smirked, tilting his head at me. "I'm surprised you haven't asked about him."

"Believe me," I sighed, tears welling up again in my eyes, "I really want to. I'm trying to control my impulses." I smiled at Carlisle's soft laugh but went on. "I begged Edward to let me go. And then...there are things I'm not sure I _want_ to know."

"Yes, well...my son." He huffed in a laugh, shaking his head once, but locked gazes with me. "He's one of your goals, Bella. Do you truly mean to see him?"

"I owe him some apologies, Dr. Cullen."

"We're done with your evaluation. Call me Carlisle," he chuckled.

"Fine, Carlisle. I need to clarify some things with him. I wasn't always honest," I explained, grimacing a little. "But then...I'm scared."

"What scares you?"

"These past few months, Edward has been sort of the key to getting better," I told him, glaring at the top of the table. "Talking about him made talking about other things not so difficult." I took a deep breath and let it out, gazing around the garden surrounding us as the rain picked up a little. "I'm scared that he did what I asked, that he forgot about me, but then...I'm scared he hung onto something that wasn't real."

"You think it was all in your head? Your relationship with Edward?" he asked, tilting my face up.

"No, not really. I'm just afraid of what I'll find once I see him again. I mean, I keep running these scenarios in my mind about how it will go, and it ranges from my inability to even speak to him to Edward being so angry with me for ruining everything that he won't listen."

Carlisle smiled. "Hmm, well, I suppose that would be scary."

"All my other goals aren't so frightening. I can face school...I'm looking forward to it, actually. Thank you," I said, holding up the envelope, and he nodded that he'd heard me. "Facing problems without drugs will be hard, but Dr. Franklin said that I could call him, and there will be meetings I can go to. But Edward is the unknown..." My voice trailed off, but Carlisle nodded again in understanding. "He was the one person that made me feel...real. With him, I was perfect just the way I was. So I don't know how I'll feel if I'm not that way to him anymore."

"Yet, you aren't asking me..."

I laughed, shaking my head. "I'm not. It's not right, asking you to give me the scoop on your own son."

He grinned, starting to stand. "Fair enough, Bella."

"Wait, please?" I nearly begged, stopping him. "One more question."

"Go ahead."

"Why are you paying for me in here?" I asked, frowning up at him. "I mean, shouldn't Phil..."

Carlisle held up a hand. "When you see my son, you ask him that question. Okay?"

"Okay," I whispered, following him back to the building.

Just before we went in, he stopped me. "I've spoken with Dr. Franklin multiple times over the last few weeks. I know that when Phil was here, he told you he was moving to California. And I know that your relationship with him is...strained. I want you to know that you aren't alone once you step foot out of this place. It may feel that way, but Esme and I would be happy to help you get settled, get you into school, or just if you need to talk, we'll be there – no matter what. You've been in here ten months. The outside is a lot to deal with by yourself."

I nodded once, my emotions almost overwhelming, because it seemed Dr. Franklin had been paying way more attention to my conversation with Phil than I'd thought.

With a deep breath, I said, "Thank you."

~oOo~

Gazing around my room one more time, I made sure I hadn't forgotten anything. After Carlisle's all-clear, it had taken only two days to process my release.

Donna sat silently on her bed, looking a tad bit lost. We'd been together for the entire ten months I'd been in Breckenridge Mental Health Center. She had only arrived one day earlier than I had. I'd been brought in June fifth, and I was checking out two months shy of a full year later. I'd been sick with grief over my final conversation with Edward, nervous that I was being taken away from everything I'd ever known, and angry at the fucking world. I'd felt thrown away, tossed aside, and guilty about everything I'd ever done, especially the accident with Edward and my father's murder.

Dr. Franklin had been right; I hadn't said a word from the moment I walked through the doors until way after the hundred and some odd days it had taken to detox, because I'd felt utterly alone and figured I'd had no choice but to stay alone.

I knew differently now.

Phil was already signing for my release just down the hall with Dr. Franklin. He'd kept his promise, offering me a place to stay until school started in the fall, but I'd declined him. Nevertheless, he was there to help me get settled back into my old house. He'd even brought with him a new cell phone for me so that I could keep in touch with him. It weighed heavily in the pocket of my jeans.

Carlisle had kept in touch the last few days, telling me that he and Esme had been the ones to keep an eye on my house and that he'd offered to come to pick me up but Phil had insisted on doing it himself. He thought that Phil probably felt he owed it to my mother to continue to take care of me, despite the fact that I was a legal adult. It was why she'd had Phil adopt me in the first place. She'd been dying, and she'd wanted to make sure that someone would be there to watch out for me. When I'd been arrested, he'd been given the right to act on my behalf.

"What will you do first?" Donna asked, breaking me out of my musings.

I smiled and shrugged. "Go home, I guess. Though knowing Phil, he'll want to eat someplace."

"Are you scared?"

"Yes," I answered honestly. Her questioning look made me continue. "We're kind of sheltered in here, so getting out, living alone, and dealing with daily shit really scares me. I don't want to fail, but I'm sure I'll have set-backs."

She nodded, because she understood about set-backs. In the time that we'd been roommates, she'd attempted suicide once and gone through several periods when she'd refuse to eat at all. It's those times that kept her in here, because her mother just didn't want her out until she was completely healed. Everyone tried to tell her that Donna would never be completely healed, but it didn't matter.

"Do me a favor... Eat ice cream for me," she giggled, nudging my shoulder. "And make sure you share it with Edward."

I gave her a pointed look, because she knew that was my biggest fear of all. Just...Edward.

"Okay, okay." She chuckled, hugging me tightly. "I'll miss you. If anyone can make it out there, it's you," she said, pulling back and swiping at her tears. "If I ever get out of here, I'll come see you."

"You'd better," I told her, raising an eyebrow up at her. "Now go. It's lunchtime."

She rolled her eyes but left the room, giving me one last look before we went opposite directions down the corridor.

After endless praise and forced promises that I'd call him if I needed him, I finally shook Dr. Franklin's hand while Phil loaded my things in the car. He also reminded me that he ran a few AA and NA meetings in the Seattle area, so if I wanted a familiar face, I should come to those. When the trunk closed, the doc turned me to face him one more time.

"You have..._so_ many people pulling for you, Bella," he whispered, giving Phil a flickering glance. "More than you know about, okay? Just...never forget you're not alone. Understand?"

"Okay," I said with a nod. "But what if..."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Bella, I have a feeling that your conversation with Edward will go...just fine. And if he doesn't listen, then maybe he wasn't the good guy you thought him to be."

I wanted to argue, defend Edward in some way, but truth be told, Doc was right. I could give Edward all the explanations and apologies that I wanted, but it was up to him what he did with them. And to set myself up for disappointment would be detrimental to my recovery. I needed to face the possibility that Edward could merely be just one of my twelve steps.

The doc waited until I sorted that out silently in my head, and then he nodded. "Yeah, you get it. Now, go home."

The ride was quiet the first few minutes, but then Phil started rambling nervously. He talked about California, his new job, and how he liked it. As Forks drew near, he changed to subjects that were a little harder.

"Look, Bella," he sighed, tearing his gaze away from the road just long enough to make sure I was listening. "The house...it's much the same as when you left it. I didn't change much, and I certainly didn't touch your room, okay?"

"Okay."

"Here's the thing... It's yours to do with as you please. You can keep it, sell it, or rent it out. You'll be heading off to school in the fall, so I can't imagine you'll spend much time in Forks..."

His voice trailed off, but I understood what he was saying. If I couldn't handle the memories of the house, then I didn't need permission to sell it. When my mother married Phil, he had moved in with us, so he had no claim to any of it.

"Also," he said before clearing his throat, "you have a substantial inheritance that is now in your bank account. I made sure that you'd have everything you'd need. All the paperwork is in the kitchen."

"What?" I asked, my eyes narrowing on him.

"Your father was a cop, Bella. When he died, his life insurance and pension went to your mother. When she passed, it all went to you."

"Oh," I murmured, frowning out the window. I wasn't sure what to make of it, because money was the furthest thing from my mind.

The car went quiet again – this time, until we finally pulled into the driveway, and then my breath caught in my throat. Memories upon memories flooded me. My dad teaching me how to ride a bike, my mom planting flowers, and my sixteenth birthday getting my car. My car that no longer existed. My eyes drank in the house, finally landing on the tree by my window – the window that Edward had crawled through countless times just simply to tell me goodnight and kiss me.

Bad memories surfaced, too. That same tree was what I'd used to sneak out of my house to meet my dealer. James had lived a few streets over with his girlfriend. He had been the biggest provider of weed to the Forks High students, though he could get just about anything. The last I'd heard, he'd been arrested for domestic violence and possession right around the time I'd graduated.

But the good out-weighed the bad, because I wanted it to and because I'd tried to focus on the good while in Breckenridge. My mom was the most prominent of them all – hugs after school, warm cookies on Sunday afternoons, cleaning up scrapes after I'd fallen down, and her beautiful laugh when my dad would chase me around the yard, threatening to tickle me.

I remembered the night my mother died, watching her being carried out through the front door, all covered up. The day of her funeral was a strong memory, where I sat almost comatose on my front porch steps with Edward's warm, strong arms wrapped around me, his soft voice telling me that everything would be okay. And I'd believed every single fucking word he'd said.

I hadn't even gotten out of the car yet, but I could feel Phil's eyes on me. "I'm okay. I just...needed a second," I muttered, finally breaking my gaze from the house to meet his.

"I miss her, too," he simply said, nodding once when I hummed in agreement. "When you're ready, we'll get you settled."

Taking a deep breath and letting it out, I opened the car door. "I'm ready."

~oOo~

Phil stayed almost the whole week, just long enough to take me to buy a new car – since mine had been completely totaled – as well as to make sure that my identification was current and that I could cook dinner without burning the house down.

Honestly, I was ready to tread water on my own, but I knew he was afraid for me. I could see it on his face every time he spoke to his job on the phone. I could imagine he was worried that I'd slip, that I'd fall off the wagon, or that I'd stop taking my meds. It was when we had a visitor the fourth day he was there that I think he realized he could leave me.

"I'll get it," I called to him from the kitchen. I'd been cleaning up the lunch dishes. When I yanked open the door, my smile couldn't be contained. "Esme..." I breathed.

"Bella," she said, beaming as she drank in every inch of me. "My goodness, you look radiant, sweetheart."

Grinning, I rushed to her when she opened her arms.

"I heard you'd gotten home," she whispered, chuckling when I smirked at her. I couldn't imagine that Carlisle kept much from her. "Okay, so fine. Carlisle told me, but I couldn't stay away much longer."

I giggled, saying, "Come in."

She greeted Phil, though not as warmly, and he left us in the kitchen alone. I made us both a cup of coffee, and we sat down at the kitchen table.

Esme caught me up on the goings on of Forks. She told me that Alice had opted for UW, because that was where Jasper had been accepted, though at the moment, they were a little rocky. Rose and Emmett went away to the east coast. Emmett was at UConn playing baseball, while Rose attended NYU. They were a mere train ride apart.

We chatted about anything and everything...except Edward. He was a topic carefully avoided by both of us. And I wasn't sure why. On my part, I just didn't want to force his parents into any conversation that would make them uncomfortable, because I'd been responsible for placing Edward in the hospital. However, there was something I needed to say.

"Esme," I started, watching her carefully when she took a sip of coffee, "I need to apologize to you for the night of graduation."

She smiled sadly, nodded, and said, "You were...hurting, Bella. If anyone understands that, it's me. And Edward had asked you to pull over, which you did. Not a lot of people would do that if they had been in the same condition."

I finally couldn't take it anymore. Maybe it was giving into an impulse, or maybe I just felt that comfortable with Esme to ask her, but whatever it was, my heart asked the question that my brain had kept at bay since I'd seen Carlisle in the hallway of Breckenridge.

"How is he?" I blurted out in a mere whisper, wincing at my loss of self control.

A small smile curled the corners of her mouth as she tilted her head at me. "He's at school and doing fine. He healed very well, Bella...physically."

I flinched at the last word she tossed out there, but she reached over and took my hand.

"My husband, in his infinite wisdom," she started wryly with a roll of her stunning green eyes, "thinks that you should take your own steps, but I think you need a hand to hold in order to tug you a little. I'm going tomorrow to visit Edward. Carlisle has to work, and I'd rather not go alone. Would you like to come?"

Once again, my heart answered for me with a slow nod, while my mind was screaming that I wasn't ready to face him. I needed more time. Time to figure out what to say, how to act, what to do in case he hated me. But my heart ached to see him, even if it was just simply to make sure that he was okay.

"Good!" she chirped, patting my hand. "You can follow me there. He doesn't usually like his mom to stick around too long."

I grinned but nodded, standing when she did.

"I'll be by around noon tomorrow. We'll have lunch before we go, okay?" she offered.

"Okay."

She cupped my face, giving a light kiss to my forehead. "It's good to see you, Bella. I'm glad you're finally home. Carlisle and I aren't far, so if you need anything, just call us."

"I will," I vowed, meaning it. And I realized that I would more than likely call them quicker than the man who was watching TV in the living room.

When I shut the door, I turned to see Phil watching me with a scrutinizing gaze. He masked it quickly, holding up his phone. "I think I need to get back, Bells. One of my players injured his throwing arm while pulling a stupid Frat stunt."

I smirked, rolling my eyes. "Sounds like a genius."

"He's not. Trust me," Phil chuckled.

I smiled, and it felt good and real and unforced for the first time around my adopted father. "When will you leave?"

"Well, if I head out in a few hours, then I'll make it through most of Oregon before dark," he replied.

I nodded, my heart clenching at the thought of really being alone in the house for the first time, but I understood. "Okay, well, at least let me help you. I can make you a thermos of coffee for the road, all right?"

His goodbye was short, his packing even shorter, because he was ready to get out of the house that held way too many memories of my mother. It was practically a neon sign on his forehead. He showed me where the spare key to the house was, made me promise to check the back door at night, and then told me to call him if I needed him. I knew I wouldn't, but I promised him anyway. Our relationship, while civil now, was beyond repair. He knew it, and I knew it.

That night, I could barely sleep. The house was too quiet, the air too still, and it was the first time in a very long time I dreamed of Edward Cullen.

~oOo~

Purple. It was everywhere on campus. If it wasn't purple, it was a picture of the mascot – a husky. I was a nervous wreck, despite Esme's calm demeanor at lunch. We'd stopped along the way so that we could eat, but I'd barely touched a thing – something that made Donna spring to mind more than once through the hour that we'd sat there, which only added to my guilt and nerves. It was when we parked and started walking that I realized where exactly she was taking me, and it suddenly became too much to hold in.

"He still plays?" I gasped almost in a squeak, stopping so suddenly that a group of people behind us had to dodge around us in order not to run into me.

"Bella, sweetie, you're white as a sheet," Esme said, guiding me to the closest bench. "Here, sit down."

I could see the field, hear the sound of ball meeting baseball glove and the ting of a metal bat. The smell of popcorn, peanuts, and hotdogs hung heavily in the air, but I simply couldn't wrap my head around any of it.

"Honey, look at me," Esme soothed, tucking my hair behind my ear. When my eyes met hers, she nodded. "Yes, he still plays. He didn't lose anything. His leg healed just fine, and he was able to build his strength back up before camp. Carlisle didn't tell you?"

I shook my head furiously, swiping at tears that just wouldn't stop. Those tears represented relief and probably a touch of exhaustion. I'd beaten myself up more over Edward's losses than my own. The images of him laying on the side of the highway, in the ambulance, and in the hospital bed were the last memories I'd had of him.

She cursed under her breath before cupping my face. "Did you think this entire time that you'd caused him to lose his scholarship?" she asked, her mouth hanging open at my nod. "And no one told you differently?"

I shook my head no. "But I was afraid to ask," I said with a sniffle.

Esme studied my face, wiping my tears away with her thumbs. "Some of my son's journey this past year is his own to explain to you, but I will tell you this, Bella," she said, holding my gaze. "You didn't ruin anything for him. He worked hard to build up his strength again. In fact, he poured himself into getting better. It was what my husband would call a clean break, so it healed with no problems. Once that cast was off, there was no slowing Edward down. He wanted to prove to the coaches that he could still play. And he's ranked pretty high as one of the best outfielders in the country."

The sob that I let loose wracked my whole frame, and Esme pulled me to her shoulder, wrapping her arms around me and rocking me gently. My relief was overwhelming, because I'd wanted Edward to be happy, and despite the accident, he was still able to do what he'd always planned. And that was the best news I'd ever heard.

"Oh, sweetie," she sighed, rubbing my shoulder. "He told me what you said in the hospital. That you wanted him to forget you. That had to be the single hardest thing to do and so very brave of you." She tilted my face up. "But I'm going to let you in on a little secret. My son... He's _very_ stubborn," she said with a wink and a smirk. "He gets it from his mother," she whispered conspiratorially.

I huffed a laugh, sniffling a little.

"He wanted so much to protect you," she went on with a sigh. "He hated Phil...still does, actually. I'm not sure he'll ever forgive him for the way that he treated you. But Edward also knew, after a very long talk with his father, that you were going somewhere to get better, and he came to terms with that. What he doesn't know...is that you're home."

My mouth fell open as I just stared at her. "But I thought... I mean, you knew, so I assumed..."

"Well, once again, Carlisle thought it was better to let you take this step, Bella," she explained with a shrug. "It's been almost a year, sweetie, and you've both been through some changes. But technically, the ball is in your court. We weren't sure how Edward would react had we told him." She leaned in closer like she was about to divulge a great, big secret. "Personally, I think you just needed a little push." When I didn't say anything, she went on. "Now, we can leave, or we can go watch a baseball game, which I think has already started. It's totally up to you."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "No, I wanna go."

After a stop off at the restroom in order for me to splash some cool water on my face, she led me up into the stands. I'd forgotten the feel of it all, because it seemed like forever since I'd watched Edward play. My eyes immediately assessed the field, locking onto the number twenty-five. "Cullen" was clearly printed across his broad shoulders in dark purple edged in gold, the uniform in white with dark purple long sleeves underneath. Long, familiar fingers grabbed the bill of his baseball cap, took it off, only to adjust it back on – it was a habit that made me smile, because he couldn't run his fingers through his hair during a game. And I could see, only for a split second, that his hair was just as crazy as ever.

But there were so many subtle changes. Gone was the slight roundness to his face, replaced by a more masculine, more grownup look to his cheeks and jaw. He seemed larger than life, confident, which I realized came from the look in his eyes. There was a sharpness to them that I recognized from when I used to watch him play, but they also looked harder. And I wondered if that was due to being in the game or from life in general. When the ting of the bat caught my attention, I held my breath when he went into motion. He was graceful, calculating, and he'd caught the last out of that inning.

Edward was still just as beautiful as ever, if not more.

The longer the game went on, the more my courage waned. And as if she could sense it, Esme picked up my hand and held it gently. By the time that it was over and Edward had caught the last pop-fly, I noticed something else had stayed the same.

"Edward!"

"Cullen! Over here," the girls all screamed as the players made their way toward the dugout.

Edward still had fans. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, really. I wanted to laugh, because he looked pained at the sound of it, but I wanted to cry, because he gave them genuine smiles as he walked up to the fence to talk to them.

"Come on, let's tell him we're here. He'll come back out once he's cleaned up," Esme said, not leaving room for argument, because she tugged me up and off the bleachers without shame.

She led me through the crowd and toward the lower part of the fence, where the rest of the girls were scattered about the bleachers, but a familiar head of raven hair came flying up.

"That's enough! Leave him be," Alice ordered, shooing them away like flies.

"Aw," they all groaned, but they started to walk away, except for one.

"Edward, are you at least coming to the after party?" a pretty girl with light brown hair and blonde highlights asked him.

His gaze shot up to her, but he was already shaking his head no. "No, sorry. I've got other plans."

"That's right," Alice smirked, her surprised gaze meeting mine, but she shot me a wink. "He's got places to go and..._people to see_," she said, the last three words accentuated with three smacks to his chest with the back of her hand.

"Alice, why are you hitting me?" he snorted, looking down at her, but then he followed her gaze.

To say time stood still would sound cliché, but it felt like it did. Even the little group of girls stopped to see why their favorite player had suddenly gone slack-jawed and speechless. Ignoring the tension that was suddenly filling the air with a crackling electricity, both Alice and Esme moved simultaneously – Esme, to her son, and Alice, to me.

"Oh God, it's good to see you," Alice gushed in a whisper, hugging me fiercely, and I realized just how much I'd missed my oldest friend. She pulled back, giving me an appraising glance from head to toe, saying, "You look amazing. How long have you been... I mean... When did you get..."

I chuckled, hugging her again. "I've missed you," I laughed, pulling back and glancing up to see that Edward's eyes were still locked on me as he nodded as to whatever his mother was rapidly whispering to him. "I've been home about a week," I stated to them all, even the fan-girls that were eavesdropping.

"Despite the fact that he's stunned stupid, he really did miss you," Alice snorted in a whisper next to my ear, urging me closer.

I stepped closer to the fence, feeling rather short in front of him and nervous under his intense gaze.

"Bella," he breathed, reaching out to take my hand.

"Hey," I said with a smile, squeezing his fingers.

He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to my cheek, and I thought my heart would burst out of my chest. "You are still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he whispered, pulling back to smile at me. "Please tell me you'll be here after I hit the showers."

He was so close that I could practically smell the game on him – sweat, sunshine, clay, and grass were just about to drive me mad, but I nodded. He was even more handsome than I'd remembered, especially when he was this close.

"We'll all wait in the usual spot, son," Esme soothed him, "but then I've got to head home."

He nodded. "Give me fifteen minutes," he stated, holding up a finger. "And don't you dare go anywhere," he ordered, though his eyes lingered on me.

I smiled, shaking my head, and watched him trot off, only to disappear into the locker room.

"Who is _she_?" one of the lingering fan-girls hissed, but when I ignored them, Alice didn't.

"His girlfriend. Now shoo!" she snapped, rolling her eyes at them.

"Alice," I chuckled, shaking my head as we made our way out of the stands. "I'm not sure that's the correct term right now."

We reached an area with some trees and benches, and thank fuck, an ashtray. I immediately lit up a cigarette with shaky hands, because I'd been holding back all damn day with Esme, but this was just a little too nerve-wracking. The acrid smoke instantly soothed me, though I knew that I needed to quit. However, in the grand scheme of my life, it was the least of my addictions.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't still love him," Alice said suddenly as she glared at me, her voice almost sounding like a growl.

"I can't do that, Alice," I sighed, blowing out a lungful of air. "But it's been a long time, and we've been apart longer than we were together."

"Alice... Bella's right," Esme said, sitting down next to me on the bench. "Just let them work things out, okay?"

I studied Alice's disgruntled face, unable to place the emotion she was putting off until I realized something. She was protecting him. She'd done it with the girls at the game, but it went deeper than that. She truly was upset with me.

"You watched over him...while I was gone," I whispered, lighting another cigarette.

She nodded, her eyes filling with tears. "And he watched over me. You wouldn't let us see you, Bella! We felt kinda lost without you."

"You really didn't need to see me in there, Alice," I sighed, looking away from her. "I was a total mess. It wasn't...pleasant. I'm sorry about that, but really, it was better that way."

"Better for who?" she asked, but her voice was joined by a deeper, more velvetier tone.

I glanced up to see Edward had now joined us, his duffel bag in his hand. He was showered and his hair was still damp, but instead of his baseball uniform, he was wearing dark blue jeans and a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His face was filled with a touch of hurt and anger, but he masked it well.

"For me," I answered simply, frowning a little. "It was hard enough to admit I had a problem, but it was even harder to say goodbye to you guys once. It would have been misery to do it once a month or once a week."

Edward's shame-filled gaze fell to the ground, and Alice winced as she realized it wasn't about them in this situation.

I stood up, stubbing out my cigarette. "Look, I owe you both a shit-ton of apologies," I sighed in defeat. "In fact, I don't even know where to start."

"So we're just step number eight of the twelve to you?" Edward asked softly, tilting his head at me.

Someone had been doing research, which pissed me off a little, but it also made me uncomfortable. It made me huff a humorless laugh through my nose, because I honestly hadn't considered them knowing how any of it worked.

"Why don't you all just calm down for a moment," Esme suggested. "Come. You guys can walk me to my car."

"Maybe I should follow you back," I told her, but we both spun when Edward cursed.

"Shit," he hissed, shaking his head as he continued to glare at the ground, but suddenly, he looked up at me. "Bella, don't leave yet. Fuck, I'm sorry. Can you stay a little longer?"

"I don't want to interrupt your plans," I murmured, trying my damnedest not to think of what they might be.

"There aren't any," Alice stated, smirking a little. "He tells the girls that after every game."

I snorted at Edward's embarrassed smile, because it was sweet, crooked, and oh so familiar.

"Except to get something to eat," he added, chuckling a little. "Please come?"

It was those two words that changed my mind. They rocketed me back to the first time he'd asked me out. And from the look on his face, he knew it. His raised eyebrow and smirk was sexy as all hell while he waited for my answer.

"Okay," I conceded, turning to Esme. "Let's walk you to the car."

Edward and Alice lagged behind us, but Esme spoke for my ears only. "Don't you let them drive you crazy."

"Been there," I sang back to her.

She grinned, stopping by her car. "Look, they're right. They were totally lost without you, and my son, he was just...heartbroken. But don't you dare let them make you feel guilty over doing something to better yourself, okay?" She paused, kissed my cheek, and whispered, "Sometimes, what may seem like a selfish act may benefit everyone in the long run."

"Thank you," I whispered, because the last two days with her had been more help than the whole week I'd spent with Phil and probably the last two therapy sessions with Dr. Franklin. She was quickly filling the role of my mother.

"Mmhm," she hummed, giving me a stern look. "Now, I expect a phone call when you do come home, though. I don't care the hour."

"Yes, ma'am," I told her, a little taken aback with the order.

She turned to her son. "I'm assuming you'll come home this weekend?"

He grinned, kissed her cheek, and opened her door for her. "I have laundry to do."

"Of course you do," she chuckled, ruffling his hair. "Then I'll see you Saturday."

Once she was backed out and gone, I turned to Edward and Alice. "Okay, where to?"

"Yes," Alice cheered. "IHOP here we come."

~oOo~

"Where's Jasper?" I asked, but it seemed everyone had a question on the tip of their tongue, because two more inquiries were tossed out onto the table of the restaurant after our waitress had taken our order. Alice and I were on the same side of the booth, while Edward took up the other.

"Why didn't you let us see you?" Edward asked.

And at the same time, Alice blurted out, "If you've been home a week, then why is this the first time you've come here?"

We all cracked the fuck up, but Alice answered me. "Jasper's a long story. You first."

I looked to Edward, his gaze carefully masked but still as warm as I'd remembered it. "The first three months, I was sick. Detox. I also didn't say much, so I wasn't exactly fit for visitors. I'm sorry." Turning to Alice, I answered her question. "Phil picked me up and got me settled back into my house. There was a ton of things to do...my license, getting a car, and basically just testing the waters. I've been away for almost a year."

"Phil," Edward scoffed, rolling his eyes. "How is my old coach?" he sneered.

"Back in California by now, I imagine," I snickered. "He's...not like he used to be, but I'm pretty sure we'll never be BFFs."

Edward chuckled, and it was breathtaking to see.

The waitress dropped off our food and left us once again, but I looked down at my plate.

"Phil apologized to me for...well, everything," I murmured, shrugging a shoulder. "Apparently, he's gotten his own help, but I think moving changed him a lot."

"And Esme?" Alice asked, smiling with us.

I sighed, smiling at her. "Both of Edward's parents have been...a huge help. It was your dad that I had to see before they'd let me out," I explained, my gaze falling to Edward.

I wanted to ask him several questions – things that I didn't want Alice to hear, so I bit my tongue. Or rather, I ate my dinner instead. I also wasn't sure what or if I had the right to ask him. I'd let him go. But I'd missed them both so much that I was willing to wait.

The chirp of a phone went off, and Edward glanced up at Alice as she pulled hers out of her pocket. Sighing deeply, she quickly texted back, setting it down onto the table. Looking between them, I could see some sort of silent communication – Alice's face was filled with frustration, and Edward's with a touch of anger.

"Let me guess," Edward grumbled, pointing his fork to her phone. "He went to the party anyway."

"Yes," Alice whispered, grimacing. "He wants me to come."

Edward huffed a humorless laugh, shaking his head, but he said nothing for about a full minute before pulling out the keys to his car. "Go. At least you'll make sure he gets home safe. Bella and I will walk back to her car."

Alice looked like she was about to cry, and I wasn't sure if it was Edward's gruff demeanor that was the problem.

"You're leaving?" I asked, turning to her.

Her phone chirped again, and she nodded, ignoring it and hugging me instead. "Jasper needs me. Edward will explain it to you..." She paused for just a moment, giving him a glare. "And no matter what he says, it doesn't change anything. I still love Jasper."

"Okay," I said, smiling when she kissed my cheek.

"I'm so fucking glad you're back," she sighed. "Call me. Maybe I'll come home to Forks with Edward next weekend. We'll hang out."

"That would be good. You can stay with me," I told her, but I was worried about her, because my friend had gone from happy and hyper to what seemed like scared and sad all in the blink of an eye.

Alice tossed money down onto the table, gathered her things, and left us in the booth alone. My eyes landed on Edward for an explanation.

His brow furrowed, but he took a deep breath and said, "When we first got to school, Jasper decided to pledge one of the fraternities. And he started partying. A lot."

I grimaced, almost seeing where this was going.

"His drug of choice is beer. Lots of it," he added, shaking his head. "But I'm not completely convinced that he's not doing other stuff."

"_Drug of choice_," I repeated, tilting my head at him. "Interesting way to put it, Edward."

Edward froze, his eyes locking with mine, but he went on with his story. "Alice thinks I hate him. I don't. I'm disappointed in him."

"You had no problem dealing with me," I pointed out.

"No, never," he whispered, his eyes intense as he met my gaze. "But the difference between you and Jasper is that you..." He pointed again with his fork. "You didn't get...belligerent."

"Violent, you mean."

"Not yet, but he does turn into a giant ass," he said with a frown. "Alice can handle him most times, but let's just say she's had to call me more times than I can count. Luckily, he doesn't remember how he is..."

"He knows," I said knowingly. "He remembers everything. He just chooses to ignore it. If he ignores it, then he can ignore the guilt. It never happened."

"She's begged him to quit," Edward went on. "But it doesn't last long."

"So you attend NA meetings to learn how to deal with him?" I asked raising an eyebrow at him. His choice of words since he'd come out of the locker room were my clues – first it was "step eight of twelve," and just now it was "drug of choice."

"No, that started for me," he said, his cheeks tinging pink, and I smiled. "I needed to talk about what happened with you with people that could explain it to me. Alice chose to come with me."

I nodded, my eyes on my plate and not him. "I'm sorry."

"Are you better?" he asked.

"I'm an addict, Edward. That will always be true." I sighed and looked out the window. "I was a damaged person, and using made things better. Now that I know that, I can address my problems instead of covering them up."

"Was it hard?"

"Yes," I chuckled, shrugging a shoulder. "The hard part was learning that I didn't have to do shit alone. I tried. I didn't speak the first few months. I took my detox as punishment."

"For what?"

"For you," I told him honestly. "I thought I'd ruined everything for you with the accident, but I'm glad to see that you still kept your scholarship. You still play really well."

Edward's face ran the gamut of emotions – shock, sadness, and eventually, embarrassment. Finally, he slapped a wad of cash down onto the table. "Let's get out of here."

Once we were outside, Edward took my hand, linking our fingers together. "Sorry about the walk, but I wasn't ready to give you up yet," he said with a sweet grin on his face.

"I've been living in a twelve by twelve room for ten months. A walk is just fine," I chuckled, squeezing his hand.

We were quiet for a few blocks, and I could see that Edward was keeping pace with me. The comfort that he'd always brought with him – that calm, nothing bothered him demeanor – was there, and it was perfect and scary and made me feel things I hadn't allowed to surface in so damn long that I was suddenly nervous.

I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and tugged my hand from his in order to light a cigarette. My fingers shook so badly that I couldn't get the lighter to work, so large, warm hands enveloped mine and flicked the flame into life.

"Sorry, I smoke when I'm nervous," I snorted, blowing out a long breath.

"Why are you nervous?" he asked, frowning a bit.

I exhaled again and started to walk. "There are things I need to tell you, things I need to apologize for, and things I want to ask, but..."

Edward tugged me to a stop and turned me to face him. "You ask me whatever you want, Bella," he said forcefully. "And I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me, but I really don't want apologies."

"Why?"

"Why what?" He chuckled. "Why no apologies?" he asked, and I nodded. "Because you don't owe me any." He looked away from me, running hand through his hair nervously. "I was well aware of what I was getting into with you back then."

My eyes narrowed on him as I took another hit of my cigarette. "What do you mean...well aware?"

He groaned, but he met my gaze. "People talk, you know? When I first started at Forks, I thought you were the prettiest thing I'd ever seen. That hasn't changed." He huffed a laugh, shaking his head. "But you were this loner. I mean you were there, but you really weren't. In class, you were smart, funny, and easy to talk to, but still closed off. I asked around...about you."

"So you knew," I surmised in a whisper, dropping my cigarette butt, only to light another one. "About my dad, my...extracurricular activities...everything?"

"Yes," he replied, looking needlessly guilty. "But none of it mattered to me, especially after our first night out."

I smiled, shaking my head. "And here all this time, I thought I was pretty good at keeping secrets."

"You were," he sighed, looking pained. "I wanted so badly for you to trust me...and then Phil had to fuck up everything!"

"Edward," I said, stopping in front of him. "I _did_ trust you...more than I trusted anyone in my whole life. You need to know that. Phil was just...hurting from my mother's death."

"Yeah, well, he didn't have to take it out on you...on us."

"No...no, he didn't, but it was only a matter of time for me to have found another reason to use," I told him. "It could have been anything..."

"I know," he sighed, running another hand through his hair. "But I needed someone to blame, someone to be mad at...and I just couldn't be mad at you. And fuck, I missed you...and I was mad at myself, because I couldn't help you, because I felt selfish for wanting to keep you, and I needed to blame anyone," he ranted, closing his eyes. "But I never blamed you. I begged my dad to keep tabs on you because I needed to know you were okay. I also begged him to take care of your treatment because I just didn't trust Phil to do it."

My eyebrows shot up, because he'd voluntarily answered two of my questions.

"Yeah, I blamed Phil, too," I told him. "But it was you that helped me. You did more than I could ever explain to you, but it was you that started helping me get better."

I threw away my cigarette and took his hand. We were almost to my car, so when we reached it, I leaned against it, looking up at him.

"How?" he simply asked.

I smiled sadly and took a deep breath. "I fought therapy every step of the way. I stayed clean the entire time, but I refused to talk about my past. It hurt. A lot."

Edward reached up to touch my face, tucking my hair behind my ear, but he stayed quiet. His eyes were so warm, such a soft, comforting green that I couldn't help but tell him.

"I was having a particularly bad day," I said with a grimace. "It was like the first week of February, and I couldn't get you out of my head until I realized why."

So I told him. Everything. As I leaned against my car, I told him about missing him to the point of madness on the anniversary of him asking me out, how everything came spilling out of me, because talking about him made everything else seem okay. I told him about Dr. Franklin, about Hershey's chocolate bars, about rainy days in the gazebo, about seeing Phil for the first time after months of hating him, and I told Edward that eventually, he was one of my goals.

I told him about my scholarship for next year – which earned me the biggest, happiest of smiles – and I told him about my house and that I thought I'd have to sell it, because I hated rumbling around in it all by myself. But when I got to Esme bringing me to see him, that's when my emotions took over.

"I'm sorry about the accident. Your getting hurt haunted me," I sobbed, not realizing I was crying until Edward wiped away my tears. "I'm sorry for not telling you everything sooner. I'm sorry I left you to figure everything out by yourself, but it really would've _killed_ me to see you and let you go over and over." I sniffled, looking down at my feet. "And it may have been selfish or maybe I was a coward, but I just didn't want to know if your life was moving on without me. I understood it, but I just didn't want to know about it."

Edward chuckled softly, his feet stepping closer, but he tilted my head up with his fingers under my chin. "When I said that I'd wait for you, I meant it. There is no one for me but you."

I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his waist in a hug that knocked the wind out of him, but he recuperated immediately and hugged me back fiercely, burying his nose in my hair.

"Baby, give me your keys," he whispered, and I felt the brush of his lips against my temple.

Pulling back, I handed him my car keys. He opened the passenger side door, sat down, and then pulled me into his lap. Once there, I fell into my favorite spot – the crook of his neck and shoulder. Edward gave the best, safest feeling, the most comforting hugs I'd ever felt. And God, I'd missed them.

We said nothing for a few minutes, but I played with his fingers.

"I'll always be...this," I said, sitting up a little. "I'll probably always be on medication, always crave, always have to over-think things. I can set goals, but really, I have to take everything by the day...sometimes even by the hour."

"I know," he said with a smile, and it was crooked and happy and all things I'd truly missed about him. "I'm okay with that. You're not alone, Bella."

"I know," I said, mimicking him with my own smile, which caused him to chuckle. "You may have to remind me."

"Gladly," he laughed, pressing his forehead to mine. "I'd invite you to stay with me tonight, but I have a feeling my mother would kick my ass."

"She might," I giggled. "She's become quite protective of me. Your dad's no better."

"I'm afraid that may be my fault," he snickered, looking embarrassed again. "When I told them all about you from my hospital bed, when I told them that I loved you and nothing could change it and that nothing was to ever happen to you, they finally understood. In order to calm _me_ down, they looked after you."

I grinned, shaking my head at him. "I never stopped loving you, either, Edward," I whispered, fascinated as his eyes darkened in such a familiar way that my stomach flip flopped, "but I need to take this slowly. Please understand that. I need to make sure I don't trade one addiction for another. They warn against new relationships until we've been clean for a full year."

"This isn't new," he argued softly, but he wasn't mad. I could see that he was okay with it. His eyes were still dark, but his smile was relaxed and still so sweet.

"Ah, but it is," I giggled, kissing his lips, much to his surprise, because his breath caught for a second. "I'm not the same, and I'm sure you aren't either, so can we just...take this slow?"

"Baby, we can take this however you want us to. As long as you still love me, I'm so very good with it," he crooned, kissing me one more time. "Can I call you? Even better, can I see you when I come home this weekend?"

"I'd be devastated if you didn't," I laughed, standing up out of the car. "The tree is still standing. Feel free to come in that way," I teased.

He grinned, happy and shameless. "Nah, I'll use the door."

Giggling, I hugged him again, and he guided me to the driver's side of the car. "Give me your phone, Bella," he said, smirking at the dèja vu moment as he programmed his phone number in. "After you call my mom, call me when you get home. Okay?"

"Okay," I promised, closing my eyes when he leaned in to kiss my forehead.

"I'm glad you're back," he whispered, cupping my face. "I've missed you."

I smiled up at him, tears welling in my eyes at just how overwhelming it was to see him again, which was another reason to take things slow. "Thank you for waiting for me."

He smiled, kissed my lips chastely, and said, "I love you. Where else was I going to go?"

"You could've gone anywhere...with anyone," I told him, but leaned into his touch when he wiped away my happy tears as he shook his head no.

"I didn't want to," he stated with a shrug. "You'll always be the most interesting girl in the room, Bella."

I giggled, rolling my eyes, and sighed at his sexy smile. It seemed I wasn't the only one that remembered the little things. "I'm not that interesting."

He laughed, leaning to kiss my cheek. "Go home. And call me."

"See you next weekend," I said, finally pulling out of the parking space, because otherwise, I'd stay, and I wanted to do things right this time.

With one last wave, I pulled out, already looking forward to seeing him again. What had started as a nerve-wracking day had ended up being the best day ever. What Edward and I had together had survived, and I just hoped that it would continue to survive. I wasn't sure there weren't more tough roads ahead, but I was glad to know I wasn't as alone as I'd once thought.

**~oOo~**

**A/N...Thanks for reading! :) Final part will post tomorrow. See you then. **


	3. One Day at a Time

**A/N... And finally, part 3... This comes with a lemon warning and a foul language warning.**

**~oOo~**

**Definitions: NA – Narcotics Anonymous. AA – Alcoholics Anonymous. "Drug of choice" – whatever addiction the user has, which could range from drugs and alcohol, to porn...to whatever. It's something the user feels they can't live without.**

**~oOo~**

Chapter 3: One Day at a Time

Eight months later...

I walked down the hallway and into the office, where Virginia smiled up at me. The smell of Breckenridge would probably always smell the same – cleaners, disinfectants, and fresh paint. The latter was due to the constant renovations of rooms once the occupants had vacated.

"Go on in. He's clear for now," she told me, waving me on.

Opening Dr. Franklin's office door, I leaned in the doorway until he looked up at me.

"It's a gazebo kind of day, don't you think?" I asked him.

"It's November, Bella," he countered, but grabbed his coat, scarf, and hat anyway, a smile on his face. "It's damned cold out there."

"Come on, wuss. You'll live," I chuckled, leading the way out to the gardens.

We sat down in the gazebo, and I lit a cigarette, blowing out a long puff of smoke.

"How's Donna?" I asked, glancing over at him.

He sighed but smiled softly. "She's good. She knew you'd ask about her. Her mother checked her out around June. She told me to tell you that they were moving to New York to be closer to family. Remind me, she left a forwarding address for you."

"Oh, okay," I said, a little disappointed that I wasn't going to see my friend, but the fact that she was out made me very happy for her. I took another long drag on my cigarette, feeling a touch lightheaded, because it had been awhile since my last one.

"I thought you were quitting that," he said, tilting his head at me.

"The gum tastes like shit, and the patches make me itch," I said with a grin when he laughed. "And...this is the first one I've had today, so consider yourself lucky."

"You look good, Bella," he chuckled. "Here...for old times' sake," he said, tossing a Hershey bar to my lap. "What brings you back to the scene of the crime? Certainly it's not to see little ole me..." he said, batting his eyelashes dramatically.

I smiled, shrugging, but took a hit of my cigarette. "It's a long story."

"I've got time. I'm done with my patients today," he stated, leaning back against the table and crossing one leg over the other. "I haven't seen you since my last NA meeting, so start there. Catch me up."

Grinning, I nodded. "Quitter," I teased him, but it was true. "Did you marry that poor, poor girl?"

"Yes, I did," he beamed proudly, holding up his left hand to show off a pretty gold ring. "One ring to rule them all..."

"You are such a dork," I laughed, shaking my head at him and taking another hit on my cigarette.

The first and last NA meeting I'd attended that he had conducted was indeed the last time I'd seen him. His sweet little girlfriend had found out she was pregnant, so he'd had to drop all extracurricular activities, except his position at Breckenridge. But it had also been one of the hardest meetings I'd gone to, because I'd realized just what a small world it was – or at least _my_ world was fucking small. I wasn't quite sure which.

"Tell me about that night," Doc chuckled, nudging my shoulder. "You were pretty rattled when you got there. You didn't speak at the meeting, either."

~oOo~

_I didn't last the week between seeing Edward and Alice again before I needed a meeting. Despite Esme's and Carlisle's constant checking on me, Edward's phone calls, and Alice's texting, I felt alone inside my old house. However, Phil didn't call at all, not that I'd expected him to, because it wasn't like I was itching to gossip with him._

_The weekend when Edward was supposed to come home got closer every day, but instead of being excited about it, I worried. A lot. I worried that he wouldn't want to take things slow, that I'd fail him in some way, or that he'd discover that I wasn't exactly the same girl that he'd fallen in love with._

_Because I wasn't that same girl. My biggest fear was that he wouldn't like the new me, the clean me._

_And rumbling around my house alone didn't help. It looked the same, smelled the same, and felt the same as it had when my mother was still alive, as when I was still using. In fact, even though Phil had cleaned the place up, gotten rid of my mother's old hospital bed, her medications, and the alcohol, I still stumbled upon my old stash in the loose floorboard of my bedroom. It took _all I had_ to bring myself to even touch it, much less empty it all into the toilet to get rid of it._

_That night took two candy bars and a really long conversation on the phone with Edward to settle me down, and he had no idea just what chatting aimlessly for hours did for me._

_As Friday loomed closer, my nerves wore thin, so I gave in to the list of meetings that Dr. Franklin had given me. He'd marked the ones that he ran himself, so I picked the soonest and closest one, which still happened to be in Seattle, but at least it was Wednesday night. I was damn sure I wasn't going to last until Friday._

_Esme offered to take me, but I needed to do it on my own. And the long drive actually cleared my head a little. Okay, so it didn't really. It gave me the opportunity to scrutinize every single word that had been said by me or Edward the last time I was in Seattle. Had I cried too much? Said too much? Hell, _hugged_ too much? Had he really waited an entire year for me? Did he really want to take on the monumental task of just...me?_

_Then there was Alice. She'd seemed okay the next time I'd talked to her, giving me some watered down version of what had transpired between her and Jasper the night of Edward's baseball game. But I knew it must've been hurting her. I had a feeling that she wasn't divulging details to me because she was sheltering me._

_When I arrived at the church that the meeting was being held, I noticed that I was one of the first few cars there. I actually couldn't wait to see the doc, because he always tended to put things into perspective for me. Dr. Franklin had said that he always arrived early, just in case someone needed to talk privately, but I saw that I wasn't the only one that knew this. Two people that I'd recognize anywhere were up front with the doc, already deep in conversation._

"_Did he hit you?" the doc asked Alice, his face calm, but I knew the guy well enough to know that he was analyzing her every expression for the truth behind her answers._

"_No," she sighed, shaking her head. "But the things he says..."_

"_Jasper has to want to quit. Not for you, but for himself. It'll never work any other way," Dr. Franklin told her, and it was something he'd said to me over and over._

_Edward looked beyond pissed at the conversation, but he stayed quiet, stirring his cup of coffee, until Dr. Franklin turned his attention on him. _

"_What about you?"_

_Edward smiled, shrugging a shoulder. "I guess you know Bella's home."_

_Doc grinned. "Yeah, I kinda know something about that. Did you see her?"_

"_Yeah," Edward sighed, and I wanted to laugh at the sweet, dreamy expression that came over his face, but Alice and the doc did it for me._

"_Did you tell her the truth?" Doc asked, tilting his head._

"_Yeah, I did. She took it amazingly well, actually," Edward replied, taking a sip of coffee. "I thought she'd be mad at me knowing everything about her past, but she wasn't."_

"_No, it's me she'll be mad at," Alice groaned._

"_You didn't tell her?" Doc asked, grimacing at her nod. "But it was you that told Edward everything."_

"_I know..."_

_And I was pissed about that. It felt like a betrayal on my best friend's part to have told Edward everything about me back then. She'd sworn to me that she'd keep my problems a secret. I was conflicted over being mad at her...or grateful, because she'd told the one person that now mattered the most. Obviously, nothing she'd said to him had scared him away, so my slight feelings of betrayal fell away just as quickly as they'd come._

_I let the door slam behind me, reaping some sort of satisfaction when the three of them just about jumped clean out of their skin at the sound._

"_Bella," Edward gasped, his mouth hanging open._

"_What are you doing here?" Alice asked, and I could tell by the look on her face that she hoped to God and all that was holy that I hadn't heard their conversation._

"_Seeing him," I stated, pointing to the doc._

"_Bella," Dr. Franklin greeted, shaking my hand and then giving my shoulder a squeeze. "How are you?"_

_I huffed a laugh through my nose but ignored the question. "So much for anonymity, right?" I snarked, raising an eyebrow at him._

"_It's still anonymous, Bella," he corrected, rolling his eyes. "Edward and Alice have been attending these meetings for quite a while now."_

"_It's my fault, Bella," Edward suddenly stepped forward. "I asked my dad which meeting to go to. He told me this one. When I found out where Rick worked, I hounded him."_

_My eyes narrowed onto the doc._

"_I never broke confidentiality," Dr. Franklin vowed. "And they never asked me to."_

_I only had one question. "How long?"_

"_Since January," Edward answered softly._

_I shook my head and sighed, because I couldn't fault Edward for coming to meetings, and I most certainly knew there was more to Alice's story than she was saying, so I merely looked up at Edward and pointed a finger at him._

"_Now I know where you get it from," I stated, rolling my eyes. "Your parents are shameless and sneaky. And they spoil you rotten. Carlisle sent you to the doc here on purpose. If you'd have asked, they'd have probably kicked my roommate out at Breckenridge and checked your ass in."_

_Edward laughed, shrugging a shoulder. "Maybe. I didn't think of it."_

_I spun my gaze to Dr. Franklin. "And you...outside."_

_I rounded on the doc the second we stepped out a side door. "Is that how you knew?" I asked him, pointing back toward the church. "Is that how you knew Edward was a good guy? How you seemed to know that he'd listen when I finally saw him again?"_

"_Yes, but I couldn't tell him or you, Bella," he defended calmly. "He's busted his ass to learn everything he can about addiction and depression. And you know I can't tell you what's been said in meetings."_

"_I know," I sighed, not knowing whether I wanted to hit Edward or kiss him senseless. Repeatedly. The latter was quickly winning out._

"_You really think his parents did it on purpose?" he chuckled._

"_Oh, I'm damn sure of it," I said with a smirk. "He was the reason that you got a weekly phone call from the good Dr. Cullen to check on me, why my bill was paid, and why Breckenridge accepted me in the first place." I snickered at Dr. Franklin's unabashed smile. "And...his mother is another story altogether. If it weren't for her, I don't know if I'd have worked up the courage to see Edward yet. So yeah, they spoil him."_

"_They only want to be able to help you," he stated firmly. "I can't fault any of them for it. At all."_

_I nodded but didn't say anything, because he was completely and totally right._

"_Yet you're here to see me?" he asked._

"_Yeah, I just... It's been a strange week, you know?"_

"_I can imagine...going home, seeing your friends, facing daily problems," he mused, rubbing his chin. "Any temptations?"_

"_Once," I sighed, "but I got through it."_

"_Good girl," he praised, placing a hand on my shoulder._

"_And Edward and I... We're going to try to continue our relationship, but...I'm scared," I admitted._

"_It's okay to be scared. Relationships are scary enough, but this just adds to it. With you two, I'd say communication is the key. You've already told me that you couldn't scare him off, and now you know that he knew about your past all along, so I'd be willing to bet on that guy in there. Just a hunch," he said with a grin and a shrug._

"_Okay," I sighed, trying to relax myself.  
_

"_Come on. This may be my last meeting, because my girlfriend needs me to quit. We're having a baby."_

_I grinned, elbowing him lightly. "Way to go, Doc!"_

"_Thank you," he chuckled, his face turning a little pink. "Anyway, you know the rules... It's your first meeting here, so you don't have to talk, but I think you probably could get away with it. It's up to you."_

"_We'll see," I murmured, allowing him to lead me back inside._

_The meeting was fine, and I didn't talk, but the feel of Edward and Alice on either side of me was comforting. Although, I knew poor Alice was nervous._

_When the meeting broke apart, she turned me. "You heard me," she guessed, and I nodded, which caused her to wince. "I'm sorry, Bella."_

"_It's my fault, baby," Edward whispered in my ear from behind me. "I begged her to tell me about you back then."_

_I smiled, rolling my eyes. "I'm well aware he won't take no for an answer, Alice. I'm not mad. I was, but I'm not anymore."_

_Alice laughed, and Edward pressed a kiss to the back of my head, but I turned to face the two of them._

"_However," I started, holding up a finger, "you can't treat me like a china doll. I need you two to be able to listen when I need to talk, and you can't shelter me. I need to trust that I can speak honestly without freaking you out, and you have to understand I'm not going crack just because you talk about drinking or drugs."_

"_Fair enough, Bella," Edward said, his face filled with concern but complete sincerity._

"_So...I want to know about Jasper."_

~oOo~

"Well, that explained the look of panic on their faces when you left," Dr. Franklin chuckled, taking a piece of chocolate that I'd just broken off. "Did they tell you?"

"Yeah," I groaned sadly, popping a piece of candy in my mouth. "We went to a restaurant, and they told me everything. I mean, I knew Jasper smoked weed in high school, but I didn't think anything of it, because I had my own issues, and Alice seemed so happy. But I guess things went a little haywire once they got to UW.

"Jasper started drinking," I continued after lighting another cigarette. "And he couldn't just stop at one or two; it was drink-until-you-pass-out every time he did it. Edward was convinced that Jasper had moved on from weed and alcohol to something harder, but he couldn't prove it. Alice, though..." I huffed a humorless laugh. "She was miserable, because sober Jasper is as sweet and kind and calm as they come, but drunk Jasper? Holy shit! It's like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde.

"Apparently, it got so bad that Alice had to call Edward a number of times in order to get Jasper under control. I'm not sure that he'd hit her, but he damn sure said shit to her to hurt her...probably worse than if he'd just...I don't know...punched her."

I took a hit off of my cigarette, letting the smoke out into the chilly air.

"Did it help? Talking about it?" he asked.

"I think it helped Alice," I answered with a shrug. "She was at least able to hear the addict's side of the story, but Edward was always quick to point out that I was never violent or mean."

"Doesn't matter."

"That's what I told them," I sighed, smiling up at him. "And I know it helped me, believe it or not, because I was able to give them honesty and slowly build back our friendship. With Edward, it helped show how much I'd changed, something that worried me. The love was there, but the foundation was shaky after being apart for almost a year. And his first weekend home was kind of a big test in my mind."

"How'd that go?"

I grinned and then broke into a laugh. "That might've been the most fun, super exhausting, and most relaxing two and a half days of my life, because both Alice and Edward came over. Even Edward's parents showed up for dinner on one of those nights."

"Really?"

"Yeah," I snickered, shaking my head. "And it all started Friday afternoon when Edward and Alice bailed out of school early."

~oOo~

_The plan was set. I'd invited Alice to stay with me the weekend, while Edward would stay with his parents. I'd even extended the invitation to Jasper, but I'm not sure that Alice even told him. I think she just needed the break from him, in all honesty._

_The two of them were to get out of class and head to Forks Friday night and then go back late Sunday night. We were just going to hang out a few hours the first night, eat some pizza, and then Edward was going on to his parents' home, leaving Alice with me. The rest of the weekend was up in the air. We were just going to play it by ear._

_I was straightening the house, doing a few loads of laundry when they showed up early, pizza already in hand._

"_You losers so skipped class, didn't you?" I teased them when I opened the door._

"_Shut up," Alice gushed, rushing in to envelope me in a big hug, only to whisper in my ear. "He was driving me crazy. I finally just loaded his ass up in the car."_

_Laughing, I turned my attention to Edward. "Hey."_

"_Hey, yourself," he crooned, handing the pizza box off to Alice so that he could hug me. "I'm glad it's the fucking weekend," he murmured before dropping a heavy kiss to my lips._

_I could see his restraint. He was holding back and had been since we'd talked the night of his baseball game. I'm not sure I could love him more for respecting my wishes for taking things slow, but sometimes, I just wanted him to kiss the ever loving shit out of me. I missed those kisses something awful. It was a conflicting feeling._

"_Well, get in here, then," I said, trying to step aside to allow him to walk by. I ended up squeaking when his hug yanked me completely off my feet. "Edward," I laughed, squirming in his arms, but he was strong as hell._

"_What?" he asked innocently, blinking his long eyelashes at me and wearing a deceptive smirk on his face._

"_Cut it out, you two. I'm starving. I didn't eat lunch!" Alice bossed from the kitchen table._

_She grabbed plates while I got sodas from the fridge. When we made it back to the table, she huffed, gave the house a frown, and said, "This place is like a fucking time capsule. Nothing's changed."_

"_I know," I sighed, shrugging a shoulder as I sat down next to Edward. "Phil said he didn't do much. That was an understatement. He removed all the medical stuff, but that's about it. I'm thinking I'll sell it when I start school."_

"_Are you sure?" Edward asked, taking a drink from his soda._

"_No," I laughed, shaking my head. "I'm not sure at all. I hate living here, really, but it's paid for."_

_Edward chuckled, kissed my temple, and went back to his folded slice of pizza._

_Alice, however, was eyeballing the house like an owl stalking a mouse. "You won't sell it if it looks like this."_

"_Hey," I whined, rolling my eyes and feeling slightly offended._

"_Here we go..." Edward muttered._

"_No, I'm just saying that it needs...a facelift," Alice argued with a grin._

"_Alice watches way too much HGTV," Edward whispered dramatically in my ear._

_My laugh caused me to choke, but I recovered quickly. "You want to make over my house?"_

"_My aunt is a realtor, and she says if the house looks fresher, it sells quicker and for more money," Alice stated haughtily, taking a bite of her pizza._

"_The outside looks okay," Edward mused, looking out the kitchen window._

"_That's because Phil painted that when he moved in," I explained, looking over at him. "So it's only been like five years."_

"_All it would take would be some paint, maybe some new furniture, and a few new rugs," Alice suggested. "You could even clean out the master bedroom and use that now."_

"_I like my room," I stated firmly with a frown, not expounding on that as I grabbed another slice of pizza._

_Of all the rooms in the house, my room held the best memories for me. They started when I was small with my parents, and they ended with the handsome thing sitting next to me crawling through my window night after night. My mother had died in her room, the living room had so many memories of tears and arguments and sadness that I rarely even hung out in there, and the kitchen was where I'd sit and do homework, chat with my mom, or do school projects with my dad._

"_Yeah, but it would be bigger...and it's downstairs," Alice continued._

"_I like my room, Alice," I countered again, giving her a pointed look to drop it._

"_Then keep your room," Edward urged, cutting Alice off. And I saw the look on his face; he completely understood it, because he knew how I felt about that room. Not that Alice didn't, but he had shown up with Phil the night my mother had died – they'd come straight from the game. Edward had noticed then that I wouldn't go anywhere near my mother's bedroom._

"_Hmm," Alice hummed, giving it some thought. "Guest room? Den? Office?" she chirped, grinning when Edward and I chuckled at her._

"_Whatever," I sang back._

"_Then let's do it," she urged, practically bouncing in her seat._

"_Now?" I asked._

"_This weekend?" Edward groaned, but his sweet face already showed that he was along for the ride, no matter what._

"_It's that or your mother will have you doing yard work, Edward," Alice giggled._

_Edward's nose wrinkled as he glanced around the house. "Okay, what color?"_

_Alice cheered, and I just shook my head, because we were in for a busy few days. She immediately went into planning mode – measuring, plotting on what needed throwing away, and colors._

_When I walked Edward to the door a few hours later, he asked, "You can tell her no; you know that, right?"_

"_Impossible. How do you think my bedroom is purple? She did that when we were like fifteen or sixteen. Besides, maybe it'll make staying here easier," I chuckled, leaning against the porch rail. "You don't have to do it, though. We'll be all right."_

_He smiled, mirroring my stance against the rail. "I'll be here in the morning, Bella. Hanging with you two all day is _infinitely_ better than pulling weeds for my mom, okay? Painting, moving furniture, whatever. I'll even raid our garage to see what supplies might be in there."_

"_Thank you," I told him, standing up on my toes to kiss his lips. I was trying to keep to the same chaste kisses as the ones before, but the moan that Edward let loose caused my heart to sputter._

_His arm snaked around my waist to hold me close as he pressed his forehead to mine. "Fuck, I really want to kiss you. Just...really fucking kiss you. I've missed you so much, baby. You have no idea." His words were a breathy whisper but filled with want and sadness and love._

_My breath caught in my throat as I stared into deep, beautiful green. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I closed my eyes._

"_I'm sorry," he whispered with a grimace, starting to let me go. "It's too soon, right? It is. It's too soon. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm an idiot. I can wait, I promise."_

_Edward's honest, sweet rambling was adorable, and I couldn't help but giggle. But fuck, I'd missed that face – that completely truthful, utterly sincere expression that was filled with want. I'd forgotten the power of it. He always made me feel like the best thing since sliced bread when he looked at me that way._

"_I love you," I chuckled, "and you're not an idiot."_

_He grinned, but it was sheepish and apologetic. "Love you, too. I can wait."_

"_I think when I said 'take it slow,' I meant crawling in windows every night or the intense 'have to be together every waking minute' slow. I'm pretty sure kisses...are okay," I told him. "Does that make sense?"_

"_Yes, but I never want to push you," he countered, his arm tightening around my waist again._

"_Then trust me to tell you when it's too much," I said, running my fingers through his hair._

_He simply said, "Okay," before immediately claiming my mouth._

_And dear God, it was everything I remembered...and more. It was that first kiss on Emmett's back porch swing, it was lazy make-out sessions in my bedroom night after night, and it was filled with longing and regret, with love and adoration. We kissed like we needed each other in order to breathe._

_But it wasn't that feeling of being drugged. There wasn't a need to keep going, to keep him close for fear of losing him. His kisses were addictive, yes, but they were addictive because of how precious they were, what they meant, not because I needed him to make me feel real anymore. Lips swept over lips, tongues caressed deeply, tasting and claiming, and the combination of a deep moan and a light whimper echoed around us._

_Edward slowed the kiss down, pulling back from me with one last soft kiss to my lips. "Baby, we have to stop or I will do something we'll probably both regret."_

_I smiled at him, kissing him softly once more before backing away. He didn't let me get far but linked our fingers together so he could pull me in to kiss my forehead._

"_I'll see you in the morning," he vowed softly._

"_'Kay," I whispered back._

_He showed up the next day looking like sex on two legs, though completely oblivious. Wearing tattered old jeans and an old Batman t-shirt, he arrived with not only a bunch of painting supplies but also breakfast for us courtesy of his mother, who told him she'd be along later in the day to help us._

_Once we turned on the radio and Alice got back from the hardware store, she put us to work. And it moved quickly. I taped the edges, Edward moved and covered furniture as well as painted the high parts, and Alice rolled up the rugs. There were sword fights with brushes and rollers, and paint was in everyone's hair. There were even hand prints on everyone's clothes. I was quite proud of my artwork on Edward's ass, which had happened when he'd stolen a rather heated kiss in the kitchen. The whole weekend was filled with laughter, teasing, singing, and catching up. Jasper was barely mentioned, and neither was my time away. _

_Instead of buying all new furniture, which was what Alice wanted to do, I suggested buying slip-covers, and I was backed up by Esme once she joined us. It took all of Saturday and Sunday morning to get it all done. It took a few trips by Esme and Alice to Port Angeles for supplies, two coats of paint, three iPod playlists, and more stolen kisses with Edward than I could count to get it all done. That Sunday night, we invited Carlisle and Esme over for dinner, and for the first time since my dad died, I felt like I had a real family._

_Saying goodbye to Edward, though, was hard. Not excruciating, but really difficult, because I'd grown used to his and Alice's company, and now I had to wait another week to see them again. As much as I wanted to attend the meetings that he and Alice went to, Carlisle suggested something closer. Port Angeles had plenty of meetings at all times of the day, and I could get there quicker. But until school was out for them, I had to resolve myself to only seeing them on the weekends. And with Edward – weekends that didn't have away games._

"_I love you," Edward said, cupping my face as we stood by his car. "I'll be here Friday."_

"_Love you, too. But don't skip class on my account," I chuckled._

"_I'll try not to." He smirked, kissing me softly. "I'll be here the entire summer, though."_

"_I know. I can't wait."_

"_Um, Bella?" he started nervously. "My last game is at the end of May. Will you come? There's a party after, but we don't have to attend it. We can hang out in my dorm or something. I just want you there..."_

_Grinning, I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I'll be there. Not sure about the party, but the game is a must-see. Actually, your mom has volunteered me for just about all your home games."_

_He laughed and nodded. "She told me she liked having the company when my dad has to work. She's been watching me play since T-Ball, so I can imagine you make it more interesting."_

"_Oh, I bet you were so cute," I teased him, pinching his cheek and laughing when he rolled his eyes at me. "But if the last game is important, then I'm there for sure."_

"_Cool," he said with a grin, but it fell quickly into a serious expression. "Thank you for this weekend."_

"_What are you thanking me for? You painted my house, Edward."_

"_Just...being with you again... It means so much," he stated, his face taking on an expression that I'd never seen – sad, but sweet and grateful. It gave me a glimpse of the heartbreak I'd left him with._

"_You were always with me," I told him, shrugging a shoulder and trying like hell not to cry, but I could feel the tears forming against my will. "You need to know that. I'm sorry if that when I left, I gave you the impression that I didn't love you. It hurt to say it then."_

"_Hey," he whispered, tilting my head up. "No more apologies. You've made your amends with me. I was never, _ever_ mad at you. I missed you like crazy and I was a little lost, but never mad. It took me awhile to understand just how hard it must've been to even have that last conversation. So don't you dare apologize."_

"_How long?"_

_He grimaced, looking away. "Months."_

_I could imagine that he was confused for a long time. I'd told him to let me go, but he couldn't. Not to mention he was dealing with his injuries, for which I'd been responsible._

_I nodded, but we both looked up when Alice showed up at the car all packed and ready to go. "Call me?" I asked of both of them._

"_As soon as I walk in my dorm room," he vowed, and Alice nodded._

_With hugs and kisses goodbye, I let them go for another week. But it was the start of a routine until the end of their school year._

~oOo~

"How'd the house look?" Dr. Franklin chuckled.

"Gorgeous," I huffed, shaking my head. "It really didn't look like the same house. And that helped me through the rest of the summer. For real. It didn't look like my parents' house. I could've kissed Alice for that."

"So the weekend was a success – in more ways than one."

"Yeah, it was." I nodded, lighting another cigarette. "There wasn't that uncomfortable tension around anymore. I guess they saw that I was the same, but different – hopefully, better. Alice and I talked like we used to, but she was still pretty tight-lipped about Jasper. She'd only talk about the good, never the bad, and I knew there was more to it. Edward and I... That was like putting on a pair of old, comfortable sneakers. We always just...fit, but this time, there was more talking, because we really didn't have a choice. He was at school, I was looking for a part time job and going to meetings, and we spoke on the phone just about every day." I grinned, shaking my head. "He'd text me random love notes. I love those."

The doc laughed, his head falling back. "Yeah, my wife does, too."

We were quiet for a moment, but the doc broke the silence with a question I was expecting.

"Did Edward ever go too far? Did you ever have to stop him?"

"Nope. Not one time. He let me lead. He was always a gentleman, even in high school when it wasn't cool to be that way, but it was just the way he was. I credit his mother, really – maybe both of his parents – but he was respectful of all boundaries," I explained, smiling a little. "Sometimes, he was too respectful, but maybe he knew me better than I knew myself."

"He didn't want to hurt you."

"No, never. Not at all," I agreed.

"So how about that last game?" Dr. Franklin prompted. "Did you attend the party?"

"That..." I huffed a humorless laugh, shaking my head. "That was a fucked up night. Let me just tell you... Everything that _could_ go wrong _did_ go wrong. The only good thing was that Edward's team won their game."

"What the hell happened?"

"Jasper," I stated, rolling my eyes up to Doc. "And a girl named Lucy."

~oOo~

_Once again, I found myself surrounded by the smells of the game – grass, hotdogs, popcorn. The sounds were even better, because it was full stands, cheering, and all around chaos. My knee bounced excitedly, because the bases were loaded, the score was tied, and it was the last inning with two outs already on the scoreboard._

_And Edward was up to bat._

_My poor thumbnail was mutilated as I chewed the shit out of it nervously. And Esme and Carlisle were no better as they sat beside me. Edward's dad was sitting on the edge of the bleacher seat, Esme had my free hand clasped in both of hers, squeezing the shit out of it, and I was about to drool myself into a dehydrated state with just how gorgeous my boyfriend was._

_White pants, a dark purple jersey, black long-sleeved shirt underneath, black baseball cap with a purple W pulled down low over his sharp eyes, along with the batting helmet. Just simply gorgeous. And the whole game rested on his strong, broad shoulders._

_Per Edward's request, I was wearing one of his jerseys, so the name Cullen and the number twenty-five were splashed in purple across my back in his too-big shirt. It wasn't the only game I'd attended since that first one, but it was the first time he'd asked me to wear his shirt. It caused glares from his fan-girls and a few nods of approval from the men sitting around me. And at that moment, it was causing a stir from the people sitting with me._

"_Your boyfriend better hit this shit," a man behind me begged, patting my shoulder._

"_Your boy has an amazing average, especially against this pitcher. Knock it out of the park, Cullen!" another voice added to the mix of what was now just pure noise._

_Edward took a few practice swings with a couple of bats, only to drop one down to the grass. He stepped up to the plate, got into position, and then glared down the pitcher, who was taking his cues from the catcher. Edward's face was fierce, his eyes sharp, like a hawk's, while he lifted his bat above his shoulder._

_The first pitch went wild, earning the first strike. Edward shook it off and stepped back up to the plate. The second pitch was outside, and he let it fly right by. One strike, one ball. The third pitch was fucking perfect – right down the middle, just low enough that Edward's swing caught it hard and fast. The ting of the bat was loud, sharp_,_ and the ball was just...gone._

_The stands exploded, because Edward had not only hit a grand slam, but he'd won their final game of the season. And he'd just earned his seventh home run. Edward's trip around the bases was relaxed, almost smug, and I couldn't help but smile like a fool when he pointed toward me and his parents once he made it around third._

_Instead of meeting us at the fence, we waited for him in the usual spot. He was practically assaulted when he emerged from the locker room in his street clothes – jeans, a dark blue button down shirt, and his hair still damp. But he thanked them graciously as he made his way to us, immediately scooping me up in a hug because he hadn't been able to come home the last weekend due to an away game._

"_God, I missed you," he gushed, burying his face in my neck._

"_Congratulations," I whispered against his cheek, but he simply shrugged off the win._

"_Can we just...hang out in my room?" he asked, begging me with his eyes for me to understand. "We can go to the... I mean, if you want, but..."_

"_No, no...that's great. Your room sounds better, actually," I told him, and he set me back down on my feet._

_After hugs and congrats from his parents, Edward took my hand and guided me through campus. It was going to be the first time I'd seen his room. I was excited, but nervous, because my self-control with him was waning. I knew it wasn't the right time, but the more we talked, the more intimate our relationship felt, and therefore it was all we could do not to show each other how we felt...physically._

"_My name looks fan-fucking-tastic on you, by the way," he whispered, kissing the side of my head as we walked across a courtyard._

_I giggled. "Your fans don't agree with you, baby," I told him, laughing harder when he merely rolled his eyes._

"_They don't know me. They see me around school, watch me play. That's the end of it," he grumped, waving to a group of guys that called his name. "They see what they want to see."_

"_They see a hot baseball player," I snorted, rolling my eyes. "At least you're not mean."_

"_No... Why would I be?" he scoffed, holding the door for his building open for me._

"_Some guys would take advantage," I murmured, shrugging a shoulder._

"_I'm not 'some guy.'" He looked a bit pissed at this conversation as we walked up the stairs to the third floor. "I'm just...me. I just want to play, not hook up with every girl on campus like some of my teammates. That shit's ridiculous."_

_His little rant made me smile, because he was exactly the same guy I'd known and loved in high school. I adored the fact that he hadn't changed. Not one bit._

_Edward's name was called out, more congratulations were thrown at him, and he waved to them all, thanking them. His dorm was co-ed, but he'd told me that his roommate, Pete, was already gone for the year – something about a family emergency – so he had the room to himself._

_As soon as the door closed behind us, Edward pulled me in for a searing kiss – something that had become more and more heated in the last two month that I'd been back. They started sweet, soft, and oh-so-mind-scrambling, only to turn into heated, handsy, and filled with want and need._

_We pulled apart, our foreheads touching as we breathed heavily._

"_My name looks really good," he panted, grinning when I giggled._

"_Then I'm keeping this shirt if that's how you feel about it," I laughed, backing away to give us just a little space._

"_It's all yours," he chuckled, kicking his duffel bag out of the way at the same time I gave a look around the room._

_It was your basic dorm room, small, with two beds on either side, though it looked like Edward was taking advantage of his missing roommate, because his stuff had spread out onto the other bed. There was a desk underneath the window that overlooked the courtyard we'd just walked through and a small TV stand at the end of the room. Edward's walls were covered with baseball posters, which made me smile, and his desk held two pictures of me – one I specifically remember him taking with his cell phone one night in my bedroom and the other of the two of us that Alice had taken at my house while we were painting. But it was the paperweight on his desk that my eyes fell to – or at least, that was what he was using it for. A large chunk of plaster sat on top of a few papers, and it was unmistakable what it was._

"_Why?" I gasped, spinning around with the piece of his cast in my hand. "Why would you save this?"_

_I held up the only section of the cast that he'd saved, where my last message to him was clearly printed out: **Thank you for making me feel beautiful. Love always, B. xo**_

"_It was the last thing you said to me," he defended softly, frowning at the item in my hand. "And it was as close to you telling me you loved me before you left, Bella. I knew that you did and that you needed to go, but...I needed something to hold onto." He huffed an embarrassed laugh, shaking his head. "My dad thought I was crazy. He was the one to cut my cast off, and I asked him to save that one section. But he did it anyway...even cut it so that it was just the plaster and not the smelly shit inside from having it on for however many weeks," he explained, stepping closer so that he could cup my face. "I knew you blamed yourself for the accident, and that gave me the incentive I needed to get back into baseball, baby. I wanted to prove to you that you did nothing wrong, that nothing had changed the way I felt about you."_

_Tears were flowing down my face by the time he finished speaking, so he carefully took the section of cast and set it down on his desk before scooping me up and sitting down on his bed with me across his lap._

_I kissed him senseless. I kissed him because even if I could've found the right words, they would've come out in hiccuping sobs and they probably wouldn't have made a bit of sense. As it was, my sniffles against his cheek made him laugh softly._

"_Don't cry," he begged, wiping my tears away. "Please?"_

"_Did it help?" I asked, pointing to the plaster._

"_Yes." He nodded slowly, kissing me one more time. "Every time I looked at it."_

_We were just about to kiss again, but his door suddenly flew open and a petite girl stood in the doorway._

"_Edward, are you in here?" she asked, but when she caught sight of him – and more specifically, me on his lap – her cheeks burned a deep red. "Shit, sorry," she mumbled, fidgeting a little._

"_Lucy, what do you need?" Edward asked, his voice calm but a touch frustrated. However, he helped me to my feet so that he could stand up._

"_Well, I was going to ask you for your Sociology notes, but I was on my way from the library and saw something you needed to see," Lucy explained, and I noticed that she wouldn't meet his gaze._

_Edward snatched a spiral notebook up from his desk at the same time he asked, "What did I need to see?"_

"_Alice," she said with a grimace, taking his notes. "She and Jasper are having it out in front of the library."_

"_Ah, fuck," he hissed, running a hand through his hair. "Was he drunk?"_

"_Isn't he always?" she countered, her gaze flickering to me._

"_Oh damn, sorry. Lucy, this is my girlfriend, Bella. Bella, this is Lucy," he introduced, but snatched his phone and wallet up out of his duffel bag._

"_Nice to meet you," I told her with a smile, but she merely nodded back, which told me that I made her uncomfortable._

_She was a pretty girl, with deep red hair and a spattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose. The fact that she was comfortable enough to just walk into Edward's room bothered me a bit, but at the word "girlfriend," Lucy's cheeks turned pink again as her eyes locked onto his back. However, Edward didn't notice, because his attention turned to me._

"_I need to get over there, baby," he said. "He's gotten worse lately."_

"_I'll come with you," I stated, and quickly added, "for Alice."_

"_You sure?" he verified, nodding when I did. "Okay." He sighed, linking our fingers together. "Come on." _

_As we left the dorm and Lucy behind, I asked, "Who is she to you?"_

_Edward grimaced, gazing down at me, and sighed. "Just a friend. I swear. She wanted more, but I couldn't give it to her, Bella."_

"_Did you try?" I asked, my heart clenching that I could've really lost him the past year._

"_No." His statement was so firm that he stopped me, his hands on my shoulders, and crouched a little to look me directly in the eye. "I didn't want to try. I told you, baby... There's no one for me but you. I can't think of anyone else that way."_

"_And if I'd never come back?"_

_He sighed, shaking his head, and kissed my lips. "Then I would've asked my dad to check me into Breckenridge as your roommate. I'm sure he considered it more than once."_

_I huffed a laugh, rolling my eyes. "Does she want you?"_

"_I've only ever been honest with her, I promise. She's a nice girl, but we're just friends. I can't help the way she feels. I think of her like I think of Alice...hell, not even that close." He stood up and ran a hand through his hair. "She's very shy, so I helped her in class. In turn, she helped me study, and as you can see, we shared notes. That's it. Please tell me you believe me, baby. Please? It's always been you. Just you. No one else."_

_The pain written all over his face at the possibility that I didn't trust him really just hurt to see. And I wondered – just for a brief moment – if he'd been any other guy, would he have taken advantage of the situation? Would anyone else have moved on? Would they have written me off after the first several months? I was damn certain that the answer would've been yes. But not Edward, and at that moment, I knew just how lucky a girl I really, truly was._

"_I believe you," I murmured, kissing him and grabbing his hand. "Come on... We'd better get to Alice."_

_I hadn't seen Jasper in about a year at this point. Alice preferred one on one time when she came to my house on the weekends, and I never asked why, though I assumed she needed to get away from school. I also never quite understood what role Edward played in all of it...until that night. I trusted Alice and Edward to the ends of the earth and back, because they argued and teased like siblings. They also had leaned on each other when I left, so I kind of understood that part, but not why Alice needed him against her own boyfriend. Until we made it to the front steps of the library._

"_Give me my fucking keys, Alice! I'm not fucking kidding!" Jasper yelled, trying to get his hands on her, but he was too wasted and she was too fast._

"_Not happening, Jasper. Just...let's go back to your room. You can sleep this shit off, okay?" she tried to reason with him, which was useless. He was past the point of being reasoned with._

_Edward and I ran across the grass to them just as Jasper almost got hold of Alice's arm. Edward lunged at our friend, strong arms wrapping around Jasper's chest._

"_Jasper, stop!" Edward snapped. "You don't want to do this."_

"_Aww, hell, here we go again," Jasper groaned, shirking out of Edward's grip, simply because Edward allowed it. "Bitch, you called your boyfriend again? Well, ain't that sweet?"_

"_I swear, baby, I didn't call him," Alice argued._

"_She didn't have to, Jazz," Edward scoffed, rolling his eyes and gesturing around the front of the library. "Look around you, dude. The whole campus is watching you act like an ass."_

_Keeping an eye on the guys, I walked to Alice, whispering, "You okay?"_

_She nodded, though tears were in her eyes, and from the bruises forming on her arms, Jasper had already touched her. He'd probably just grabbed her too hard, but it was enough to leave a mark._

"_He wants to drive, Bella. To some fucking party," she hissed, shaking her head._

"_Bella?" Jasper drawled, narrowing his eyes on me. "Is that you, darlin'?" he asked, which made Edward nervous for some reason. "Well, shit! We should celebrate! I'd heard you were back, but...you know...I've been busy."_

"_Hmm, I see that, Jazz" I mumbled, eyeballing him._

_He looked like shit – deep purple bruises under his eyes, shaky hands, his nervous shift from one foot to the other, and his constant sniffing. Edward was right; Jasper had moved on from weed and beer. He was on something ever so much heavier now. My guess was coke. If his grades were slipping, he'd need to stay up to work. Coke did just that...but only temporarily, and then you needed more. Always more._

"_Come with me, Bells. There's a party around the corner. We'll celebrate your...freedom," he said calmly, until he looked to Alice. Then he yelled, "Bitch, give me my fucking keys!"_

"_No," I stated, turning to Alice. "Give me his keys." With a shaky hand, Alice held out Jasper's keys, and I took them._

_Jasper sneered and took a step forward, only to be stopped by Edward._

"_Man, you're my friend, but I swear in front of God and all these people around us that I will end you where you stand if you lay one finger on Bella. I'm not fucking kidding, Jazz." Edward's voice, though calm, was filled with pure truthful malice. "You want to party? Do it. But you will do it without those keys."_

"_Jazz, I'm going to give you a choice," I stated calmly, channeling my inner Dr. Franklin, because he was the best example of calm I could think of. "I'll drive you to your party, but you'll have to find a ride home. Or..." I paused, looking over at Alice, because this would send her over the edge. "Or we can call the police and press charges for assault. The proof is in the bruises you've left on her. Your choice, Jasper."_

"_Shut up, Bella," Alice hissed, but when I glared at her, she shrank back._

"_Not a chance, Alice," I told her softly. "This ends now. Do you know why he yells at you?" I asked, and she shook her head no. "Because he can. He knows you love him, and he relies on it, leans on it like a crutch, because he knows you'll forgive him. Every-fucking-time. It gives him the feeling that there are no consequences for his actions. My mother did the same thing to me."_

"_Bella," Edward sighed, grimacing. "You're not taking him alone," he told me._

_I nodded but looked back to Jasper. "Pick, Jazz!" I snapped, getting ready to throw the keys as far as I could. "But I _will not_ let you make the same mistake I did. I could have killed myself, Edward, or someone else. I won't allow you do it. I'm sorry."_

_Jasper shifted on his feet, his angry, hazy eyes on me, which caused Edward to step forward a bit. Finally, Jasper bit out, "Fuck you! All of you!" He pointed a finger at Alice. "Bitch, stay away from me."_

_With that said, Jasper stalked away. He chose neither option. And it was a few months before I saw him again._

~oOo~

"You didn't call the police?" Dr. Franklin asked, breaking off another piece of chocolate.

"No," I sighed, my nose wrinkling. "In hindsight, I should have, but Alice was a fucking mess by the time he walked away. Edward and I stayed with her all night in his room, because she couldn't be left alone."

"What happened to Jasper?"

"We didn't see him for the longest time – well into the summer. He came home to Forks just like Alice and Edward, but we didn't hear from him. Alice would get the occasional phone call from him, but they'd just end up fighting," I told him, shaking my head. "I felt just awful."

"Why?"

"Well, she moved into my house for the summer. I put it on the market to sell, and she didn't really want to stay at her parents' house with all the stuff going on with Jasper, but while she was having the worst time, Edward and I were...just..."

"Blossoming?" he offered.

"Yeah, we were getting closer and closer all the time, especially since school was out. We had time to hang out and just...be. Edward even attended a few meetings with me, and we'd even moved our relationship back into the bedroom. It was the best and worst summer at the same time. Sometimes, though, Alice's issues would trigger a bad day for me, so Edward would have to ease me down from it, though my cravings were pretty much under control."

"Good for you," he praised. "But why do I feel a 'but' coming on?"

"Because there's a huge 'but,'" I laughed humorlessly. "I guess Jasper failed out of UW when he left – at least, that's what I've heard. So Alice was pretty bummed when it came time for all of us to go. While Edward wanted to rent an apartment together, I decided that I needed to keep the space we had. I asked him for one year in the dorms." I chuckled, looking over at the doc. "You'd have thought I had kicked a puppy when I asked him, but Edward understood it, and he made me promise plenty of visits. He also agreed that Alice and I would make good roommates, which was another reason I asked for a year. I wanted to keep an eye on her."

"And Jasper?"

"Got arrested. The first night we moved into the dorms. He came to see Alice, wasted as all hell, and they caught him leaving the parking lot all pissed off that she wouldn't come out," I sighed, grimacing a bit. "DUI, possession of a controlled substance, and resisting arrest. He called Edward to bail him out."

"Oh, damn," Doc groaned. "Did he?"

"At first, Edward didn't want to, but Alice begged him, even promised that she'd pay him back," I groaned. "Edward..." I sighed. "I love him, but he can't tell any woman he cares about no. At all. Me included."

Doc laughed a little. "So he posted bail."

"He posted bail," I sighed. "And Jasper ran. Never showed up for court."

"Oh fuck," Dr. Franklin breathed, sitting forward. "How long?"

"Until just last week," I told him. "They wanted to send him to county jail, and everyone seemed okay with it...except me." I turned to face him, seeing a familiar form walking across the gardens toward us just over Dr. Franklin's shoulder. "I begged Carlisle – Dr. Cullen – to send him here."

"And?" Dr. Franklin asked.

"He's here, and he's in the men's side of the building. But I'm here to ask a favor of you. I'd really like you to work with him. Can you request his case or anything?" I asked, sounding more like I was begging. Before he could answer, I rambled on. "He's just like I was – angry, independent, hard-headed...and now silent. He's sobered up a bit and feeling completely miserable and guilty for what he's done, but he needs someone like you. Someone that can help him. Someone that can stay calm when he gets pissed."

Before he could answer, heavy footsteps trudged up the gazebo steps. I smiled up at Edward, who looked like he'd been run over by an emotional Mack truck. But his eyes held a warmth for me that never seemed to go out, no matter what was going on in our lives.

"How is he?" I asked as he sat down beside me, leaning into the soft kiss to my temple.

"He's checked in, hating every last one of us, and yet, he's begging Alice not to leave him. He's also thrilled that he's not in jail," he huffed, shaking his head, but he held out his hand. "Hey, Rick," he sighed, and they shook hands firmly.

"Edward," Doc greeted, nodding once, but he turned his attention to me. "I can't make promises about his recovery, Bella, you know that, but I will request his case. I'm sure Dr. Cullen will back me up on it." He looked to Edward. "Is your father here?"

"Yeah, he's inside," Edward told him, jerking a thumb toward the main building. "I'm pretty sure you don't have to request anything. I think I overheard them assigning Jasper to you. Just...a heads up."

Dr. Franklin grinned. "Sweet! Less paperwork."

Edward and I chuckled, but I stood and hugged him.

"Thank you," I whispered, pulling back.

"Oh, no, Bella. Thank you," the doc stated, giving my shoulder a squeeze. "I have no doubt in my mind that you'll be one of my best success stories. And you call me when you're ready to intern. I want you here."

"Okay," I giggled, sitting back down next to Edward, who wrapped an arm around me.

Dr. Franklin left us with a quick wave and walked back inside. I gazed around the gazebo, snuggling into Edward's side. He seemed content to just sit with me, so I was taking advantage. As every word I'd ever uttered in that garden came back to me, my body gave an involuntary shudder.

"Cold, baby?" Edward asked, holding me closer.

"No, just...thinking."

"This is the famous gazebo, huh?" he asked with a slight chuckle.

"Yeah," I sighed contentedly, gazing up at him. "All my dirty secrets came out right here," I laughed, kissing his lips.

"You smoked," he pointed out, raising an eyebrow, and despite how it was supposed to be menacing, it really just came across as all sorts of sexy.

"Only two...okay, maybe three," I defended.

"Well, that's better than yesterday, I guess," he said with a shrug, but smiled anyway.

"See?" I sang, giggling when he rolled his eyes.

"Come here, baby," he snickered, curling me back to his side. "I can understand why you like it out here. It's quiet. Smells better."

I nodded, sighing deeply. I tried to think of my last conversation out here with Dr. Franklin, but it seemed forever ago. Though, really, Carlisle was my final session. I'd come into Breckenridge a mess, left a whole lot better, but it was the man pressing kisses to the top of my head that was there through it all, whether he knew it or not. Every tear shed, every bad day, every angry rant, Edward was there, lifting me, holding me so that I wouldn't fall any farther than I already had. And then when the memory of him pushed me through to the other side, the reality of him was waiting to take over. And he was the best example of patience and love I'd ever seen.

He never pushed me – not with meetings, or cravings, or with all the time and space I required, or even when Alice needed me. But when I needed him for any of those things, he was there. I knew I drove him crazy, that he would get frustrated, but he'd merely step back, only to come back to me again and again. And when I'd decided that we'd "taken things slow" long enough, I thought my heart would explode with the intensity of the love he showed me. Our first time was special, but nothing beat the night we truly came back together.

~oOo~

"_How is she?" Edward asked over the phone._

"_She'll be okay. She's finally asleep," I sighed, folding my pajama-clad legs underneath me in the middle of my bed. I glanced out the window into the rainy summer night. "What happened with you?"_

"_Aw, hell, Bella," he groaned, and I could practically see his hand clawing at his hair. "He's miserable without her, he knows he's an ass around her, but to deal with being apart, he just...drinks all the fucking more. And that just causes him to get pissed all over again. It's an endless cycle."_

"_I get that," I sighed, grimacing a bit. "Being numb is better than hurting. And Jasper's hurting himself and Alice, so numb is definitely better."_

"_Was that how you felt when Phil..."_

"_Yeah," I said, interrupting him, because he didn't need to finish that question. "I felt like I was drowning in just...shit."_

_Edward chuckled at the way I'd put it, but he knew what I meant. The fact that we could talk calmly about Phil and his forced separation on us just before graduation well over a year prior was just proof of how much we'd grown._

"_Though he probably saved me from major embarrassment. I can't hit a baseball, Edward," I giggled, shaking my head at his laugh. "Little kid setting or not."_

_Edward laughed again. "You were doing just fine. I thought I was a damn good teacher."_

"_Your teaching skills were great. It's the student that was hopeless," I countered with a grin, remembering the amazing way that it had felt having his body wrapped around me, his hands over mine on the bat, and his sweet words of encouragement in my ear as he tried to teach me how to hit in a batting cage._

_Alice, Edward, and I were hanging out in Port Angeles for the day. It was mid-summer, a Friday afternoon, and the three of us just wanted out of Forks for a while. We'd shopped, eaten, and were deciding on whether to see a movie or not, but when Edward had seen the batting cages, he'd lit up like fireworks on the Fourth of July. Alice and I had rolled our eyes but gone anyway. Besides, he put up with way more bullshit, considering he was with two girls ninety percent of the time._

_Edward and I tried to keep Alice's spirits up, and most of the time it worked. We knew that seeing the two of us together was hard on her, so we kept our touches to chaste kisses and hand holding in front her when we could. We'd wait until we were alone or when Alice would go to bed before we practically attacked one another. We had yet to consummate our relationship again. It was either too soon, or something would interrupt, or I wasn't quite ready. But as the summer slipped by and as Edward and I grew closer and closer, I found that I really just...wanted him. And I'd been close to telling him just that inside that batting cage, but the sound of Alice's phone changed everything, as did the fight that ensued not long after she'd answered it._

_Alice missed Jasper but had finally admitted to us that she could no longer handle him, so she took his "stay away" command seriously. That was something that really pissed Jasper off – most likely at himself, but he took it out on her. Repeatedly. He'd call, begging and pleading, but when she'd deny him, he'd turn foul. And that was what had happened that night, only this time when he'd hung up with her while we were in the batting cage, he'd turned around and called Edward, who dropped us off at my house before going to him._

"_Well, I'm sorry we were interrupted, baby," he sighed. "I'm pretty sure I could've had you hitting like Sosa before the night was over."_

_Giggling, I rolled my eyes. "I seriously doubt it, but I do miss you. I didn't get my goodnight kiss or anything," I huffed dramatically, smiling at his sexy chuckle._

_The sound went straight through my heart down to my girly parts, because even though Edward was gorgeous and sexy and all things delicious, that laugh, his smile made him absolutely perfect to me._

"_You want a kiss, Bella?" he snickered._

"_I want more than that," I muttered to myself, picking at my blanket nervously, but it was the God's honest truth. We'd come so close time and time again, but I loved him way beyond reason, way beyond what I'd felt in high school, and it was all I could do not to beg him to let me show him._

"_Really?" he gasped._

_I paused for just a moment but knew I meant it. "Yeah."_

"_I'll be right there," he stated, the call ending abruptly._

_I listened for the sound of the front door but squeaked in surprise when my bedroom window opened and Edward's large frame pulled itself through. He was soaked, dark-eyed, and beautiful._

"_Okay, so your last broken leg was my fault. I won't be responsible for this one," I teased him, coming to stand in front of him with my arms crossed._

_He flashed a quick grin, but it fell away quickly. "I didn't want to wake Alice," he barely breathed, but his heavy lidded eyes gave him away. "I was coming to kiss you..."_

"_Like old times?" I finished for him with a smirk, gesturing to the window._

"_Yes," he whispered with a nod, swallowing nervously._

_The air felt charged, electric when I stepped closer to him. His chest expanded rapidly with his heavy breathing, and his clothes clung to him like a second skin due to the rain. And he was giving me that look that made me want to moan aloud – the one that screamed at me that I meant everything in the world to him. The look that said the whole universe could come crashing down around him and he'd still be lost to me._

"_Did you mean it?" he asked, not touching me yet._

"_I am so sure," I answered him, and it seemed the tension just snapped like a rubber band that had been stretched too far, because we both moved at the same time._

_Lips connected, fingers flew at clothing, and moans echoed softly through my room, covered up by rumbling thunder. Edward's skin was cold from the rain, his hands wet as he guided me backwards toward my bed. Off came my tank top and down went my pajama pants. His clothes, jeans, and sneakers all fell to the floor in wet slaps, and quicker than I expected, I found myself wrapped in skin, blankets, and just...Edward. All the while, our kisses never stopped._

"_Oh, God, please...please tell me you're sure," Edward begged, "because baby, I really, really want you."_

"_We've waited long enough." I cupped his face, only to brush his damp hair from his forehead. "I was going to tell you earlier, but..." I stopped, kissing him once as he nodded._

"_It's so not about me," he countered with a shake of his head as he touched my face with tentative fingers. "But I'd be lying if I said I haven't missed this."_

_He was only being honest, because his body had betrayed him more times than I could count. Kisses always led to touching, and touching ultimately led to grinding. It was torture sometimes, but we'd held back and he'd had to pull away when things got to be too much. I probably relied on his control more than I should have, more than was fair to him. But I didn't want to hold back anymore._

"_Please?" I simply said, nipping light kisses on his lips. "I love you. Please, Edward."_

"_Fuck, I love you, too," he groaned, and I knew he'd just...given in._

_He kissed me with a fire more intense than I'd ever felt from him, whispering about love and waiting and need against every inch of my skin. His hands touched me everywhere at the same time his lips worshiped my breasts, stomach, and neck, reminding me of just how beautiful he thought I was – even more so now. Details of what he wanted to do to me were murmured against my navel, my thighs, my sex, all while he carried them out to the letter. He encouraged me to move against him, smiling against my flesh when my whole body arched up against my will, hips rolling against his face._

_Edward drank from me, all the while soothing my nerves, my self consciousness, and my sudden sharp, but blindingly euphoric orgasm._

_Holding me close and dropping sweet kisses to my face as my body settled down, he murmured, "It's been so long, Bella. I may not... I mean... You'll feel too good. And I've been celibate for over a year," he finally ground out his admission, wincing in embarrassment, but to me, his waiting meant so much more than I could possibly find the words to explain._

"_Don't care," I whispered against his lips. "I just want to be with you again. I need to feel you, Edward."_

_I knew once we started making love on a regular basis, his stamina would build back up. I didn't care about that at all. I wanted to feel the same connection with him on a physical level that we had on an emotional one._

_Lifting himself up and settling into the cradle of my thighs, Edward pressed his forehead to mine, our eyes locking for support, for any sign of stopping, and just because I needed to see the beautiful green slowly disappear into black, heated want. But it was the love, the pounding heartbeat I could feel against my own, and the soft touches of his fingertips on my face that made a tear leak from my eye the very second he entered me. All of it was overwhelming, earth-shattering, and so very, very right._

_Edward held himself still, muttering words of love, of not lasting, of how good I felt. He told me that I was so beautiful, that I was his and he was mine as he started to move. It was everything that our first time wasn't, which had been awkward and a touch silly, because we'd both been nervous and new. This time, we learned new erogenous zones, familiarized ourselves with old ones, and cemented our feelings with each thrust, kiss, and touch._

_There was no going back. I could feel it in my heart, see it written all over his face as we both got close to the edge. Our love had survived the test of time, separation, and outside interference. We'd passed – with flying colors. And it was that thought that caused me to cling to him when we both climaxed, gasping softly of love, forever, and always._

~oOo~

Smiling at the memory, I slipped my hand up Edward's chest, holding his jaw as I kissed the other side.

He hummed softly, leaning into it. "I suppose we should get back in there," he murmured, pulling me back to look in my eyes, but he jerked his chin slightly toward Breckenridge. "Mom will be expecting us soon. And I'm sure she'll need you for Thanksgiving dinner."

"Ah, true," I sighed, standing up and offering him my hand. "She shouldn't have to do it all alone tomorrow. She's all but threatened me with the mashed potatoes," I told him, smiling at his laugh.

"Now that your house has sold, you're _so_ staying in my room," he grumbled, giving me a wicked grin.

"If we must," I sighed dramatically, but I squeaked when his fingers dug into my sides.

"How was your talk with the doc?" he asked, swinging our hands only to bring the back of mine to his lips.

"Good," I said truthfully. "If anyone can help Jasper, it's him. We caught up a bit. He got married."

"Yeah?" Edward chuckled, but stopped when I did, because I wanted to look back at the gardens, the gazebo, despite the fact that fall had stripped it of its color.

I was quiet, drinking it all in and remembering every word I'd said. It had dispelled all the poison inside of me, given me the tools to sort shit out in a better way, and it had helped me realize that there was a difference between depending on someone and needing them. I needed Edward in my life because he made me smile, made me feel what real, true love was supposed to feel like, and made my life complete. I needed his strong shoulder to cry on every now and then, his hand to hold when I was scared, and his kisses to make me feel beautiful. But I didn't depend on him to make my decisions, to take away all the scary stuff, or to gloss over the things that I needed to face. No, I could do those things on my own now, but I didn't have to.

"Does it bother you to be here?" Edward asked, pressing a kiss to the side of my head.

"No. No, it doesn't," I said, shaking my head.

"Here with me? Does it feel strange?" he clarified, but I still shook my head.

"Nah, you were always with me," I murmured, my brow furrowed. "The first thing I told Dr. Franklin about you was that I wasn't good enough for you. I felt like I would hurt you, like I had my dad. That it was wrong to miss you, because I felt that you were just another addiction."

Warm, strong arms wrapped around me and more kisses were dropped to my head. Edward didn't argue, because he knew to let me just say some things to get them off my chest.

"And now?" he whispered, but I could feel his smile against my temple.

"And now," I sighed contentedly, turning in his arms in order to see his handsome face. "Now I get it. Bad things happen, and sometimes the human mind can't take it. And sometimes..." I leaned in to kiss his lips softly. "Sometimes, really good things come along that make up for all the bad, and those are the things we have to cling to."

He grinned, all crooked and sweet and embarrassed, but filled with love and understanding. "That's my girl," he praised proudly, dropping a heated kiss to my mouth, but we both broke apart when the door opened.

Alice stood there, smirking at us. "Let's go," she urged. "Carlisle and I don't want to hear it when Esme's pissed we're not helping her."

Edward and I laughed, following her inside, but I could see that a weight had been lifted from her heart and mind. Jasper was somewhere safe, no longer able to drown himself in his poor choices. There was a glimmer of hope shining in her eyes, and that alone told me that we would all be okay, that _I_ would be okay, because I had an amazing support group.

With one last glimpse out the door before it closed, I realized that I'd learned so much. I wasn't bad luck; I never had been. It wasn't dangerous for me to love someone, to miss them. I wasn't a user or a drunk. In fact, I'd been clean and sober for almost a year and a half, with only the occasional bad day. And I was most certainly not alone anymore.

**~oOo~**

**A/N... First, I need to thank JenRar, GooberLou, and Inkedupmom for holding my hands through this one. Love you all so much. I also need to thank Bethany for all her hard work on the gorgeous banner, which you can see on Facebook (find me under Deb Drotuno Rotuno) and/or Twitter (Drotuno). **

**It comes from experience that an addict can forget their own troubles long enough to focus on someone else in order to help them. I've seen it happen, and I was extremely proud. Addiction can happen to ANYONE, and I'm not so sure it's not hereditary. Honestly. BUT... If you're interested in NA or AA meetings, you can Google them for locations in your area. I've found that most local ones have their own site. At least, that holds true for central Florida. For support for those of us that know someone with addiction problems there is Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. **

**I've considered a futuretake on this story, but I think that would depend on demand, really. I have to say that considering this is her journey, it would most likely stay in Bella's view. I'm not sure. You tell me.**

**I've got another project coming out soon – hopefully in the next week or two – that JenRar and I co-wrote together. And yes, I'm still working on Fate Interrupted, but I needed to step away from it for a while lest I do something silly or rash to it. Like pull it completely and start all over.**

**Thank you again for reading. Hope to see you again soon. Click the review button if you wish, but this fic holds no pressure. :) Later...Mooches. **


	4. Learning to Live a New Life

**A/N... Some asked for a future take for several reasons, but mainly it was to find out about Jasper. Some wanted to know if Edward went pro. And others merely wanted to know if Bella stayed clean. The answers are in this chapter. **

**Sometimes, it's not about the addiction itself, but what drives a person to drink or use. **

**Please see me at the bottom for some really important announcements...**

**~oOo~**

Epilogue: Learning to live a new life

Three and a half years later...

"Why does one city need two baseball teams?" Alice huffed before taking a long sip of her soda.

I grinned because she understood nothing about baseball, other than what she watched on the field. "It's not just L.A., Alice," I told her. "New York has two, Chicago has two..."

"Whatever," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. "I'm just glad one of those fool cities didn't draft Edward. I couldn't live with you if you two were that far apart from each other. And if you say phone sex, I'll die! I just...can't look at him that way."

Giggling, I threw a piece of popcorn at her, only to give a glance around Safeco Field. Edward really had worked hard to get where he was. He was a Seattle Mariner. His dream had come true. He'd signed for more money than was conceivable, yet you still wouldn't know it, because he was exactly the same Edward I'd fallen in love with in high school. He was humble, happy to be where he was, and working his ass off his rookie year. For Edward, it would always be about the game – not the girls, the money, the limos, or the parties. He simply loved to play.

Alice and I were early, so the game hadn't started yet, and the empty seats around us proved just that. Edward had wanted to give us a luxury suite, but I wouldn't have it. I wanted to be closer to him, to be able to see his face when he was out on the field or up to bat. Since I couldn't be in both places at the same time, he put us near home plate, saying he liked hearing my cheers. I honestly thought he was full of shit, because I was no louder than anyone else that was cheering for him, but I let him think what he wanted.

However, he still made me wear one of his uniform shirts, which had now become a good luck charm for him. It had started that last game of his first UW season – the year I'd come home from Breckenridge. They'd let him keep his college number, so there I was with Cullen on my back, along with the number twenty-five, but this time, it was in navy blue edged in aqua. No more purple.

"What would you have done?" Alice asked suddenly, breaking me out of my own thoughts. "Had he gotten drafted to say...New York or Florida or some shit?"

"I would've earned a lot of air miles." I laughed, nudging her with my shoulder. "And made lots of long distance _phone calls_," I said, leaning on the last two words just to get a reaction out of her.

"Eew! Stop it!" she gasped teasingly. "No! Seriously."

"I don't know," I sighed, gazing over at her and shrugging one shoulder. "Maybe transferred schools for my Masters degree? I'm sure we would've figured it out."

We both looked up when Edward's parents joined us, taking their usual seats next to me.

"How is he?" I asked Carlisle.

"That shoulder looks good," he said proudly. "I sat in with the team doctor just to see, but it looks fine. Edward told me to tell you to stop worrying."

I smiled. They were, for all intents and purposes, my surrogate parents now. They cared for me without question, and I loved them madly. Esme was my biggest supporter, able to give me advice on more of a personal level, because she'd been down her own rough roads. Carlisle was shamelessly proud of everything I'd accomplished. He was just as happy with my BA degree as he was of his son's draft into professional baseball. An A in English Lit from me was just as good as a homerun by Edward to him. It was as if the Cullens had officially adopted me at the age of eighteen and never looked back. In fact, if they were asked, we were all their kids – me, Alice, and Jasper – just as much as Edward was.

"That'll never happen. Did you tell him that back?" I asked.

Esme chuckled, kissing my cheek.

"As a matter of fact, I did," she laughed, patting my leg.

I wasn't sure how not to worry about Edward, especially when he got hurt. He'd suffered through not only the broken leg from our accident but a few other injuries that had scared the shit out of me more than one time at UW in order to get here. However, the last time he was injured had freaked me out so badly that I'd almost lost it right there in the locker room.

~oOo~

"_Oh, he's gonna steal...he's gonna steal!" the guy next to me chanted over and over._

"_If you're going, baby...go!" I whispered against my destroyed thumbnail, trying to keep an eye on the pitcher as well as Edward, who was slowly sneaking off of second toward third._

_We knew scouts were watching him, because the draft in June was only a few months away. It was his last college year playing, and he'd only gotten better in the last few years. Edward tried to block all that shit out – all the hype, the media, and the stats. He'd practice, he'd work out, he'd play, but off the field, he was just the average, super-sweet, unbelievably gorgeous boyfriend, friend, and son. He was just...normal. But on the field, he was different – instinctual, brazen, and really fucking talented._

_As soon as the pitcher moved, my man was in motion, but the catcher saw it coming and reacted accordingly. It seemed to happen all at once but in slow motion at the same time. Edward lunged for the base, sliding on his stomach, his hands out in front of him, but the third baseman stepped forward at the same time to catch the ball that the catcher threw their way. Edward's shoulder connected with the baseman's shin, and they both went down in a heap, clay flying up in a red, dusty cloud._

_The stands became eerily quiet, because neither guy moved for a moment, and I held my breath._

"_Breathe, sweetie," Esme reminded me, her arm snaking around my shoulders, but it was hard when both dugouts seemed to move all at once, like bees coming out of a shaken hive._

_The umpire called Edward safe, but I didn't give a shit, especially when I could see the team doc looming over the most important person in my life. The third baseman stood up and dusted himself off, which earned a few half-hearted cheers, but Edward was still down. I could see him nod, watched him lift his arm and rotate it, but it was the wince of pain that started my tears._

_It seemed to take forever for Esme and me to navigate the stands and even longer for someone to let us in to see him. By the time they did, I was in what Esme was concerned was a full-on panic attack. She tried to get to me to relax, but she was also on the phone with Carlisle at the same time. When we walked into the little office just outside the locker room, my breathing was ragged._

_I'd been clean and sober for almost four years, but for the first time in a really long time, I was scared. Shitless, actually. I wanted a drink, something, anything in order to be calm for Edward, but I knew it wouldn't happen, so the first thing he saw as he sat on the edge of the table was his girlfriend freaking the hell out._

"_Hey, hey," he whispered with a furrowed brow, shaking his head. "Baby, I'm okay," he half-soothed, half-chuckled. "C'mere." He waved me forward._

_His left arm lay limply in his lap, his shoulder looking misshapen due to the large bag of ice being held on with a copious amount of Ace bandage. They'd removed his shirts, and he'd turned his cap around. But his right arm was held out for me._

_I walked slowly to him, afraid to touch him, but he wouldn't have it. Grasping my hand, he pulled me closer._

"_They think it's just a bruise, Bella," he explained softly, playing with my ponytail. "We didn't hit that hard. I promise. They're sending me for x-rays."_

"_'Kay," I sniffled, eying his shoulder. "I wanna come with you."_

"_Okay," he chuckled, kissing away tears that didn't seem to want to stop. "Don't cry, baby. I hate it when you cry. I know it looks bad, but it's not."_

_I knew what it was. I knew _exactly_ what was freaking me out. Flashes of Edward after our accident, glimpses of plaster casts, hospital beds, and ambulances were all I could think of. I vowed to myself that this time, I'd be there for him, that I'd take care of him – and I knew I would drive him crazy the first few days at home. _

_Edward and the team doc were right. No bones were broken, but he did have a lot of swelling and a shit-ton of bruising. He was ordered pain meds – which he promptly refused – and anti-inflammatory meds. He was also given a few days rest, at least until the swelling went down._

_He was released into my care by not only the docs but his parents, too. I brought him home to the apartment we'd gotten together my second year of college – his third. It wasn't far from campus, and it wasn't huge, but it was ours. We loved every inch of the place. Hell, we'd _made love _on every inch of the place._

_For the next three days, I mother henned him to death. At first, he ate it up, but eventually, I was smothering him. I fed him, gave him his meds, flew into action for Tylenol every time he winced in pain, and generally just crawled right underneath his skin like a rash. When I skipped class the second day in a row, he stopped me._

"_Bella, you have to go to class," he told me, wearing a sweet smile as he sat up against our headboard. "I can survive a few hours without you. I promise, sweetheart."_

"_You can't cook, Edward," I argued as I shook out his medicine. "And I can't get back here, make you lunch, and then be back for my next class."_

"_Then I'll order pizza...or Chinese. I'll save you some for when you get home," he countered with a smirk._

"_You'll need a shower..."_

"_I'll wait until you get back, baby. Your baths are definitely a highlight," he teased with a sexy, crooked smirk, running a hand through his hair._

"_One more day, Edward," I sighed, not even listening._

"_I'm not an invalid," he huffed, shaking his head. "Go to class."_

"_I _have_ to take care of you!" I suddenly yelled, and he flinched, because rarely did we argue. We teased, we debated, we talked stuff out, but we never fought. It was something we'd promised each other we'd never do, especially after watching what Alice and Jasper had gone through. "I'm not going anywhere. I have to do this, Edward. So just...take your medicine, and I'll get your breakfast."_

_I stormed off to the kitchen, making more noise than was necessary with the pan for the eggs. When I reached for the fridge, warm, strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me back._

"_Isabella, you have to go to class. Not for me. For yourself. Your scholarship won't allow too many missed classes. You know this," Edward breathed into my ear._

"_You don't understand," I argued weakly, shaking my head, but the tears started again. "I have to do this. I need to. I wasn't there for you the last time."_

_I found myself quickly spun and set up onto the counter, despite how he'd been told not to overuse his shoulder. Fierce green eyes locked with mine. He looked heartbroken and a touch angry._

"_Is that was this is about?" he asked, waving a hand around. "You think you owe me? You think you have something to make up for?"_

_My gaze fell to my hands in my lap as I nodded. "I wasn't there."_

"_No, you weren't," he said softly, but he lifted my face with two fingers under my chin. "But you've already made up for it, baby. Don't do this to yourself. None of it is your fault."_

_Edward stepped between my legs, and suddenly, I was hyper-aware of the fact that he was shirtless and I was only wearing one of his gym t-shirts. Gentle, yet calloused thumbs wiped away my tears._

"_I want to care for you," I whispered, frowning at him. He needed to understand that I wanted him to have everything he ever wanted._

"_You do." Leaning forward, he pressed a heavy kiss to my forehead. "Every day. And I get this – I really do – but Bella, you don't owe me anything. You've more than made up for whatever wrongs you think you did."_

"_But—"_

"_No buts," he chuckled, kissing my lips to shut me up. "You...here," he said, pointing to our apartment. "That's one. Every class, every sober day, every laugh...those more than make up for it. You really need to believe me."_

"_I love you," I sighed, my brow wrinkling at just how tense I'd been, but the pressure left me in a whoosh._

"_Oh, and every time you say that," he said with a silly as hell grin. "Oh yeah. That definitely works."_

_I giggle-sniffled and nodded._

"_I love you, too. More than I can explain. Go to class," he ordered softly one more time with his lips against my forehead. "I promise, I'll wallow in my own muck all day until you clean me up this afternoon. Hell, I may never wash my own hair again..."_

_Laughing, I wrapped my arms around him, carefully pressing a kiss to his bruised shoulder. "I'm sorry I freaked out."_

"_I'm sorry I didn't see it before now," he countered, raising a sexy ass eyebrow at me. "Class."_

"_Okay, okay," I sighed, slipping down to the floor. "I'm going." Just before I disappeared into our bathroom, I turned back to him. "Get Chinese...two—"_

"_Extra eggrolls, I know," he finished for me wryly._

"_I think I need a meeting," I sighed, grimacing a bit._

_He nodded, smiling a little. "Come get me. You'll eat, and then I'll go with you." He shot me a wink. "Now...go!" he barked dramatically, pointing toward the bathroom._

_I laughed, yelling, "So bossy!"_

~oOo~

"Ladies and gentleman, please rise for the National Anthem," a voice announced over the PA system.

We stood, and my eyes immediately sought out Edward. Angels were lined up on one side of the field, Mariners on the other. It was easy to spot the wild mess of dark hair with bronze highlights. He always removed his hat for the anthem, but that was the only time his hair was visible at a game. He'd recently gotten it cut, so it stuck up even more than usual. Personally, I just thought the shit went into shock every time he got it trimmed.

But it was what he did just before the start of every game that I waited for. When the song was over, he'd turn toward where I was sitting, press his hand flat over his heart, only to kiss his index and middle fingers, giving a slight wave. That was all mine. And I loved it. The crowd ate it up, because they didn't know that simple action was meant only for one person – not the crowd, or the cameras, or even his screaming fan-girls, which had only increased exponentially. Edward Cullen drew girls to baseball like David Beckham drew them to soccer – sexy ass ads and all. No, that vow and kiss were mine. It was Edward's way of telling me he loved me before every game...and it stemmed from his draft day.

"Sorry I'm late," Jasper said, falling down into his seat on the other side of Alice. "What did I miss?" He dropped a heavy kiss to the top of her head.

"Nothing, just the anthem," I told him as I eyed the two of them. Their relationship was deeper, more connected now than it used to be. They communicated with simple facial expressions or touches more than words.

"Now, why are we all here? Why did I take a half day off of work?" he teased, raising an eyebrow at me. "It's not like we haven't seen Ed play before. We could've met afterward."

I felt my cheeks grow warm, but I simply shrugged. "Edward wanted all of us to go out from here after his game. That's all," I lied smoothly, immediately changing the subject because all would be revealed later. "How was work?" I asked him.

He grinned, looking like the sweet guy I'd met in high school, the one that Alice had lost her mind over. It was happy, content, and oh-so-calm – a stark contrast to the way he was when I'd first returned from Breckenridge. Where his face used to be gaunt and pale, it now held a nose and cheeks kissed by the sun, and where his eyes used to be filled with pain and self-loathing, they were now a bright, sparkling blue.

"It was good. Busy. We had a foal born today. Perfect timing for a ninth birthday party," he chuckled, shaking his head. "Half the kids were disgusted, and the other half wanted to take it home."

We all laughed, but we knew that Jasper had finally found his calling. He'd been born in Texas, having moved to Forks with his mother when he was in his early teens. Horses came second nature to him, and what had started as a suggestion by Dr. Franklin in order to relax had turned into a passion, which had turned into a full time job. Jasper was now the assistant manager for a horse ranch on the outskirts of the city that taught kids how to ride and gave horseback riding tours into the state park. His boss attended AA meetings regularly, so he completely understood what a second chance truly meant. Jasper was flourishing, but he'd had a rougher time than I'd had getting sober and staying that way.

His road had been long, winding, and had sent Alice home from visiting him in tears more times than not. There was more than one thing to overcome with Jasper – things we had no clue about back then. Not only did he have it rough at home with his mother, who blamed him for his father's infidelity, but he'd delved into a world of drugs we'd had no inkling how to deal with. Honestly, Breckenridge and Dr. Franklin had saved his life, because apparently, after Edward bailed him out of jail, Jasper got lost in the world of heroin while in hiding.

His detox had taken longer and required medical supervision – and Methadone.

Looking at him now, all healthy, happy, and completely in love with Alice, you'd never know just how close Jasper had come to killing himself the first year I'd started at UW. We'd checked him in the week of Thanksgiving, but it wasn't until well into the new year that I'd gone to visit him.

~oOo~

"_I don't know if I can keep doing this," Alice sighed as we pulled into Breckenridge's parking lot. Her eyes carried a deep seated sadness, because Jasper was fighting therapy and help every step of the way._

_I winced, letting out a slow breath. I understood both sides, which usually pissed Alice off to no end for mere minutes before she'd back off and just accept it._

"_You're gonna say this is the reason you didn't let Edward and me visit, aren't you?" she asked, scowling over at me._

_I sighed and nodded. "This was the worst part for me, Alice. I carried so much hate and guilt and hurt. __At that point, I believed__ everything was my fault. And I __was so homesick__ for you, Edward, and just _home_ that to see you would've killed me. Letting you go would've been worse, because I would've begged you to take me with you."_

_I never regretted denying visitors, but looking back on it, I wished I had at least told them why they were being kept away. Nevertheless, Alice and Edward had accepted me back with loving, open arms, never asking for the apologies that I spat at them on a regular basis, especially since they were going through it again with Jasper._

_Suddenly, I really missed Edward coming with us. He was playing at an away game. Bringing him to Breckenridge was a Catch-22, though. Alice and I needed him, relied on him for his quiet, calm strength and his ability to distract us from the bad things. He was so good at it. Jasper, however, saw him as a threat. Not that he truly believed that Alice and Edward were up to anything, because he knew Edward loved me, but Edward had played defense against Jasper to his own girlfriend. That bugged the shit out of Jasper, and he'd said so more than once – sometimes angrily and sometimes apologetically._

"_We should go," I told her softly, glancing at the clock. "Doc wanted us here at noon."_

_She nodded, taking a deep breath and letting it out. She finally opened the door to the car. She'd been a wreck for a week, because Dr. Franklin had called her to set this session up with us. Jasper absolutely under no circumstances wanted to see his mother, but he would see Alice. The doc wanted Jasper to see me a full year after I'd finally let everything out, a little less than two years clean. He also wanted to see how Jasper interacted with Alice, because apparently, he'd clam up for days after she'd visit. Doc was doing everything in his power to get through to my friend but running into dead ends left and right._

_Getting a nod from Virginia, we walked on into the doc's office. He smiled sweetly as he glanced up from his desk._

"_Bella, Alice," he greeted, standing up and walking to us._

_I hugged him, because he'd become more than my therapist. He was a friend. "How's Katie?" I asked him._

"_Getting bigger and more beautiful like her mother every day," he chuckled, gesturing to a plethora of pictures on his wall of a sweet, chubby, happy baby girl. "There's teeth and babbling and crawling and lots of pink...things I have no idea how to handle."_

_Alice and I chuckled. He was always so knowledgeable, so to see him as just a regular confused _daddy_ was kind of adorable. Dr. Franklin looked exactly the same, though, all dark hair, wire-rimmed glasses, and handsome smile. He, to me, represented the calm in the storm._

"_Have a seat, ladies," he directed, waving a hand at the chairs in front of his desk. "I wanted to talk to you before Jasper's brought in." He sat down in his own chair, leaning his elbows on his desk. "He's given me permission to discuss some things with Alice. However, he doesn't know you'll be here, Bella."_

"_Will that be a problem?" I asked._

"_We're going to find out, but I'd like you to be open with him. You were right about him the day he was brought in. He's very stubborn, and he's quiet like you were, but I think he's holding back for other reasons. I think he feels it's a weakness to let things out."_

"_This is a _manly_ thing?" Alice asked with a roll of her eyes, sounding like her patience was already thin._

"_Maybe," Dr. Franklin allowed with a chuckle. "It's not easy admitting that you need help, especially for a man. Society's role for us is to be in charge, calm. We aren't supposed to complain or cry. But it's also not easy holding it all in. Jasper's been slowly cracking, but not enough, in my opinion. I'd really like to see his reaction to you, Bella. I think he'll benefit from seeing you just...open up. You carry a strength that I don't even think you acknowledge."_

"_Fine, but I want my gazebo," I snickered, reaching into the candy jar on his desk and stealing a Hershey bar._

"_Deal, but no smoking," he ordered, pointing a finger at me._

"_I quit," I snarked back, rolling my eyes._

"_Good girl," he praised, looking up when Jasper walked through the door._

_Damn, the tension was thick. Jasper's blue eyes were dark, circles clearly showing his lack of sleep underneath them, but he was thicker, healthier than he'd been the last time I'd seen him. Even his color was better. His hair was shorter but still the wavy blond that he'd always had._

_His gaze immediately sought out Alice, and it was incredible to watch his demeanor relax instantly. It was like he could breathe better with her around. And that I totally got, because Edward did the same thing for me._

"_Alice," he sighed, making no move to touch her, though his hands fisted at his sides. When his eyes __found mine, he cracked a nervous smile. "Bella, how are you? How's Edward?"_

"_I'm great, and Edward's good. He wanted to come, but he had a game," I answered, deciding to ignore the tension by walking to him for a hug, which caused him to stiffen slightly, but he hugged back anyway. "You look amazing, Jazz," I told him with a smile._

_He smiled shyly, but it didn't reach his eyes. However, they hardened when the looked to Dr. Franklin. "Why are they here?"_

"_The girls wanted to see you," he stated smoothly, wearing a smirk that rivaled Edward's, "and I wanted to catch up with Bella. I'm killing two birds with one stone."_

"_Okay," Jasper agreed softly._

"_I can't deal with these four walls, Doc," I huffed teasingly, waving a hand around, "so let's go."_

_Alice stayed uncomfortably quiet as we all walked out to my old gazebo. She'd told me and Edward that it was hard to see Jasper. Memories of things he'd said and done while drunk sometimes overshadowed the good times. I really got that, honestly. It's so much easier to believe the bad than it is the good, especially when it's thrown at you on a daily basis, even more when it comes from someone you love and trust._

_Doc started with Jasper, asking him how he was feeling..._what_ he was feeling, but the only answers were shrugs. When Dr. Franklin raised an eyebrow at me, I smiled and __nodded. Yeah, Jasper and I were more alike than I had even thought. I opened my candy, broke off a few pieces and tossed the rest toward my friend across the table._

"_No, thanks," he muttered._

"_Eat it. At least a piece," I told him. "You'll be surprised just how much it takes the edge off."_

_Jasper's sharp gaze snapped up to mine, and I could tell he wanted to be pissed, but it fell away as I held his gaze while munching away at my chocolate. I may not have understood the heroin part of his addictions, but I damn well understood the alcohol and cocaine. I also knew what it was like to be blamed by a parent for something that really wasn't your fault – and believing it._

_When Jasper slowly broke off a piece of the candy bar, Dr. Franklin switched the conversation over to me._

"_So Bella, tell me what's new. I haven't seen you since before the holidays," he stated, fighting his smile when Jasper went for a second and third piece._

"_Personal? School? What do you want to know?" I asked him._

"_School first, and then I want to hear how Edward's doing," he said, leaning on his elbows._

_I __nodded and__ started telling him about school – how the dorms were, what it was like living with __Alice as__ my roommate, and how I was entering into my last semester. My scholarship was evaluated with flying colors, because I fluctuated between a 3.8 and a 4.0 GPA. My attendance was fine, even with the flu I'd caught for a week, __which had been excused._

"_What about parties, temptations?" the doc queried, tilting his head at me._

"_Temptations are every day," I said with a shrug. "Parties, not so much. I never really used around people. But a bad day, a grade that could've been better, a disagreement with Edward or Alice...that usually tempts me more than anything." Before he could ask, I told him how I handled it. "I'll usually go to a meeting, or if that's not possible, then I have to stop myself. Edward's really good at reading my moods, though, so he usually knows when I need to get away from things."_

"_How is he?"_

"_Fine...great, actually."_

"_What do you hear from Phil?" Doc asked, wearing an expression that I knew well. He was trying to push my buttons, but it didn't work._

"_I don't," I snorted, rolling my eyes. "I mean, I do, but not on any regular basis. He calls on holidays to check on me. It's always...awkward. The Cullens are my family now. Them and Alice."_

"_Does it bother you to talk to him?"_

"_No," I sighed, shaking my head. "It usually brings back memories, but I've had to let go of my past. I sold my parents' house; this summer, I'm moving in with Edward, and when I go home to Forks, it's to Carlisle and Esme's home. I've accepted that things change. I'll never have a relationship with Phil. Even though he's apologized for everything, he's caused way too much hurt. Everything he did to me and Edward, everything he accused me of, and all the things he said to me behind my dying mother's back are too deep to repair."_

"_Do you hate him?" Jasper suddenly asked, causing all of us to look over at him._

"_Yeah, probably a little. Not enough to give a shit, but it's there," I told him. "He's...a poison I had to release. He calls me out of obligation. I don't call him." I locked eyes with Jasper. "Just because I've forgiven him doesn't mean I have to continue the relationship. I'm grateful for some of the things he did when I got out of here, but some people have to be removed from your life in order to move on. Despite Phil's new understanding about addictions, it doesn't mean he won't always treat me like the little untrustworthy drug-whore – his words, not mine – that once lived under his roof, who he still secretly blames for the loss of his wife. My dad's death and my mother's drinking were not my fault. I can only accept responsibility for the things I did. I did drink, I did use drugs, and I almost killed myself twice and Edward once. I'm not that stupid anymore, but I feel that way around him. I can't allow that. I've come too far."_

_I could almost see the wheels turning in Jasper's head about his mother. Yes, he used. Yes, he drank. But he did those things to cover his hurt, his anger. And I'm sure Jasper's guilt was thick and sour, because he took it all out on the one person that just tried to love him through it all. Alice._

_My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I smiled when I saw that it was Edward. Standing up from the table, I dropped a heavy kiss to Alice's head, turning my gaze to Dr. Franklin._

"_You have my permission to tell him everything," I said, "but I'm going to take this and leave you guys to it."_

"_Tell Edward hello," Dr. Franklin snorted._

_Grinning, I nodded and walked away from them, answering my phone. "Hey, baby," I sang, grinning even wider when my favorite deep chuckle met my ear._

~oOo~

Gazing over at Alice and Jasper now, I wished I could say it went perfectly from that point on, but it hadn't. Jasper had eventually opened up, worked really hard with Dr. Franklin, and tried his best to sever ties with his mother. For the most part, Mrs. Whitlock left Jasper alone...until he finally was released from Breckenridge six months after we'd put him in there. God, he tried so fucking hard, too. He went to meetings – sometimes with me. He and Alice weren't back together yet, but they were trying.

One damn visit from his mom, and he was on a drinking binge like I'd never seen. Luckily, he just kept it to alcohol, and he'd stayed away from Alice this time, because he'd sworn he would never hurt her again. And he hadn't. After a long, nasty hangover, he'd checked himself back in under Dr. Franklin's care. It took two months the second time around to change him completely. And I mean..._completely._ He busted his ass and had us change his phone number and move him, all while he was away. He utterly disappeared from his mother's life. In fact, once he checked out the last time, he took a restraining order out on her. He didn't want her within a hundred feet of him. He took away her power over him, and he'd been a better man ever since. The week he'd gotten the job at the ranch was the same week he'd begged Alice to not only to take him completely back but to move in with him. She left the dorms a month later.

"Aw, yeah...here we go!" Jasper cheered, rubbing his hands together. "Come on, Edward! Knock that shit into next week."

Giggling at Jasper and my own poor attention span tonight, I turned my mind back to the field. There was a runner on second, two outs, and no score yet. But it was only the third inning. My thumbnail immediately shot to my mouth, despite Esme's protestations. However, she opted to hold my free hand.

"Come on, baby..." I whispered, chanting it over and over, my eyes never leaving the sight at home plate.

Edward readied himself, glared down the pitcher, and dug his cleats into the clay. Oh, he was still so damned beautiful, only all his features had outgrown his teen look. He was pushing mid-twenties now, and he carried it with masculinity, grace, and a calm demeanor. In uniform, on baseball cards and posters, and standing in front of the media, he was sexy, knowledgeable about his career, and soft spoken. His teammates, his coaches, and his fans called him humble and quiet. And he was, because Edward still believed that people saw what they wanted to see. Off the field, he was just...my Edward – all sweet, silly, and caring. He was no different than the boy that had begged me to sneak out of my house that February of our senior year at Forks High – the one that had kissed me senseless on a back porch swing. His love for me never wavered, and it kept me strong and built me up. Every damn day.

The pitcher wound up and threw. Edward swung hard, tipping it up and back toward us. I had to smile when a few fans scrambled over it. Foul ball. Everyone got into place again, the pitcher sending another ball down the line at what I was sure was mach speed. Edward let that one slip by, frowning when the ump called it a strike. Two strikes, two outs.

"He's pissed," Alice giggled.

"Don't worry about it, Edward," I breathed against my thumb.

Edward's fierce eyes shot to his coach. He adjusted his batting helmet and nodded brusquely once to whatever signal he was getting but focused back on the pitcher. The next pitch was high, and Edward let it go, nodding almost imperceptibly when it was called "ball" by the ump.

The next pitch was straight down the line, and the crack of the wooden bat caused me to jump, but we all stood up when we realized what he'd done. Edward tore off for first base as his hit skimmed over the grass, aiming for the far corner of right field. He slid into second at the same time his teammate stepped over home plate. He'd helped put the first run on the scoreboard.

As much as I wanted him to score, he didn't. The next batter struck out, ending the inning, but at least the Mariners were in the lead. In fact, that run stayed on the board as the only score until well into the seventh inning.

At the top of the eighth inning, Edward was back up to bat. A few practice swings only caused his fans to cheer louder.

"C'mon, Edward!"

"You can do it, Edward!"

"I love you, Edward Cullen!"

The last one made me chuckle and roll my eyes, which in turn caused Esme to snicker softly.

"He hates that, doesn't he?" she asked.

"He...ignores it, for the most part," I started, shrugging a shoulder. "It's hard, though, because he appreciates their support, but he hates it when it bleeds over into _our_ time."

Carlisle's nose wrinkled, but he joined in on the conversation. "I suppose it's all a part of the price of fame. You guys handle it okay."

"I guess," I sighed, taking a sip of my soda. "I mean... They don't really know him. They don't know he can mess up a kitchen quicker than I can clean it. The poor thing can burn toast, for God's sake." Edward's parents laughed, and I couldn't help but join them. "They see that," I said, pointing to Edward on deck to bat. "They don't know he smears the mirror after a hot shower or that he leaves his shoes lying around wherever he takes them off."

Carlisle and Esme laughed again, shaking their heads, because...well, it was Edward. We loved him endlessly – smudged mirrors and all.

Gazing over at Edward as he stepped up to plate, I sighed, because what his fans also didn't know was that he would hum to me after a nightmare until I'd fall back to sleep, all the while running his fingers through my hair. That despite his lack of cooking skills, he would still try to help me in the kitchen by chopping veggies. And the man knew me better than I knew myself, because he could tell when I was stressed out, when something was bugging me, and when he needed to step in and take over.

"Has it bothered you often?" Carlisle asked.

I shrugged, wrinkling my nose, because we hadn't really told his parents about some things – actually, we hadn't told _anyone_ a couple of things. "It was pretty rough just before the draft. Edward tried his best to protect me from it, but it kind of boiled over the night of his graduation last year."

"Boiled over" was putting it mildly. The media hounded him. They wanted to know if he was paying attention to the league's stats. Which team did he want to be drafted by more? Baltimore or Kansas City? Tampa was looking close. New York was making trades. We even knew Seattle was interested, but that was too much to hope for. On and on it went. Until Edward was stressed the hell out.

~oOo~

"_Cullen, is it true that you signed with Under Armor? When will the ads air?" _

"_Edward, if you aren't drafted, what will you do?"_

"_How do you feel now that college is over?"_

_All these questions flew at us as we were just trying to get from the auditorium to his car. Camera flashes, microphones, and cell phones were in our faces, but Edward ignored them, just merely waving a hand at them._

"_Is your girlfriend going to go with you?"_

_I winced, because he hated when they brought me in on it. He was an extremely handsome man, so they played on it. It was widely known that we'd been high school sweethearts, so they played on that, too. The opinions varied. Some loved that he was a committed man, that he seemed to dote on me, which was all true. We called them the Romantics. Some hated me because of a jealousy thing. They wanted him single, free, and promiscuous. We called them the Crazies._

_Edward's jaw tensed, his eyes darkened, and his hand gripped down on mine just a little tighter. The cameras went off again when he faced them slowly._

"_Guys, not tonight, okay?" he asked them with a barely-there control on his temper. "I just want to celebrate with my family, and we're running late as it is."_

_It was as polite as he could get at the moment. Opening my car door, he made sure I was in, rolling his eyes just before closing me inside. He ignored more questions on his way around the the driver's side, finally falling in with a sigh._

"_Sorry, baby," he muttered, cranking the car, and that was the last thing he said as he maneuvered through the streets of Seattle. We were supposed to meet Alice, Jasper, and his parents for dinner after the graduation ceremony._

_His hands gripped the steering wheel of the Volvo, his face tense and angry. Once we made it to the restaurant, Edward made no move to get out of the car._

"_You okay?" I asked him, reaching over to turn his face my way._

"_Maybe it's not worth it," he murmured with a deep sigh and a hand clawing at his hair. "Maybe I should just...walk away. I can't let them at you, Bella. And I hate that shit back there."_

_Smiling a little, I turned in my seat to look at him, picking up his hand. "Do you want it, Edward?"_

_He grimaced, because the answer was all over his face. Edward had wanted to play ball since he could pick up a plastic toy bat – at least that's what he and his parents all said._

"_I don't like my privacy invaded. I don't like _your_ privacy invaded. I'm not what they think I am."_

"_No, you're better," I countered with a giggle. "And messy in the kitchen."_

_He cracked a smile. "I'll buy a new toaster tomorrow. I promise."_

"_Is it worse because the draft is in less than a month?" I asked, ignoring the toaster promise._

"_Yeah, I guess," he groaned, shaking his head._

"_And it'll probably cool down after?"_

"_Probably," he said softly, gazing up at me._

"_Then, do you want it? Because this has nothing whatsoever to do with me, Edward," I told him firmly. "I don't like it, but I can live with it as long as it's what you want. Look at me," I ordered in a whisper, cupping his face when his eyes drifted downward. "You've certainly been there for me, baby. I can absolutely return the favor. Without even blinking."_

"_And that's my point, Bella. You shouldn't have to. Marcus says they'll eventually discover your past, that someone will talk. Fuck, I'll lose my mind..."_

"_Stop," I interrupted him, rolling my eyes at the sound of his new agent's name. I wasn't sure if I liked the guy on a personal level, but Marcus was definitely all business and had done an amazing job preparing Edward for his future. "Do you have any idea how many pro-athletes' wives, celebrities, and rock stars go to rehab? Hell, I'm merely ahead of the game."_

_Edward frowned, rolling his eyes at me. "Don't do that. Don't make light of it. They could tear you up, and you know it. You've busted your ass to get to this point. I don't want them fucking with you."_

"_You're kinda sexy when you're all pissed and protective," I teased him, which worked like a charm, because his cheeks tinged pink and he huffed a laugh._

_He tried to glare at me but failed miserably._

"_So... Do you want it?" I asked again with a chuckle._

"_Yes, but I don't want to hurt you," he whispered, trailing his fingers along my cheek. "And I don't know what I'll do if I'm drafted across the country."_

_My heart sputtered, because we had been avoiding that particular elephant in the room for a while now. We had yet to discuss a possible separation until I'd at least finished my last year at UW. And it was completely possible for him to end up in Baltimore, Tampa, or some other city. They all had been watching the last few games. They'd all been wooing him._

"_I only have a year left," I answered feebly, knowing he was my rock, but I refused to hold him back. Not when he'd been there from the beginning, waited through my rehab, and loved me so completely. I refused to do it._

"_And then you have to go for your Master's."_

"_Yes, which I can do at another school, baby. You know that. I can even do my internship somewhere else."_

"_But Breckenridge is a sure thing," he argued, frowning just a bit. "You'd drop that?"_

"_What I want to do is irrelevant, Edward," I stated, shrugging a shoulder. "My job can be done anywhere. You, on the other hand, can't do your job just anywhere. You have to go where they send you. I'm willing to stick through that; aren't you?"_

"_You know I am," he snapped, frowning. "I'm just..."_

"_Confused," I offered, and he nodded sharply. "And it doesn't help that we don't know anything until draft day, right? We're in limbo."_

"_Exactly," he groaned, rubbing his face with both hands. "But being away from you or taking you away from everything and everyone... I hate that it's me you'll be doing it for, Bella."_

"_I don't," I said softly. "To me, you're worth it. Whatever it is." I grasped either side of his face, forcing him to look at me. "You've _earned_ this, baby. If you want it, then celebrate it. I'm not going anywhere. We'll deal with a possible separation when the time comes, but know I'm in this with you. Okay?"_

"_Okay," he whispered._

_Leaning in, I kissed him softly. "They don't know us, Edward. You've said that before at school. So whatever they find out shouldn't affect what's inside this car right now. I'm not ashamed of my past. I've been clean longer than I used. But I am so very proud of you."_

_I knew why he was afraid. Not only could the media spin my past into something nasty, but being apart had been hard on both of us back when Phil separated us. And we'd already lost a year when I was checked into Breckenridge. Edward worried not only about my everyday safety but for my emotional strength. He was my sounding board when things were bad. He saw them coming more times than I did. As much as I'd hate it, I was pretty sure I'd be okay. At least that was what I was telling myself._

"_Thank you," he breathed, capturing my mouth with his own._

_He kissed me until I forgot where we were and what we were supposed to be doing – something that happened more often than not. Edward could kiss me until I was senseless._

"_Mm," he moaned, dragging his tongue along his bottom lip as he stared at me heatedly. "Get over here." He started to pull me into his lap, but I cracked the fuck up._

"_No!" I laughed, kissing him again quickly. "As much as I would love to desecrate this poor car...again...we're late for dinner. You know...graduation, family. We're in a parking lot."_

_He grinned, all silly-sweet and deadly sexy. "They'll never miss us."_

_Giggling, I shoved him lightly. "It's your party, Edward. Yours and Alice's. Come on."_

_He shot a wink my way, frowning again when he looked in the rearview mirror. "Dammit, they followed us."_

"_We'll live," I told him, turning around to eye the small group on the corner of the lot. Turning back to Edward, I kissed him one more time. "Who you are to them is not who you are to me. Try to remember that, baby," I encouraged him. "They happen to know you because of a game. I know you because you're the most important thing in the world to me. Give them the player, leave the real Edward for me."_

"_I love you," he whispered, relaxing a bit. "You know that, right?"_

"_You tell me all the time," I said. "I think it's starting to sink in."_

"_Good," he chuckled. "Stay there. I'll come to you."_

~oOo~

"I didn't know he came so close to quitting," Alice said sadly.

I glanced over and saw that she and Jasper had been listening to that story, and I nodded slowly. "That wasn't the last time, either. It was a roller coaster leading up to draft day."

"He's always been so...strong," Jasper murmured. "I can't imagine him giving up."

"I'm not sure that would've been giving up," Carlisle mused, rubbing his chin. "That was throwing himself in front of a train in order to protect who he loves."

Nodding, I completely agreed with Carlisle. Edward, despite how stressed out he was about the media, started handling them differently around that time. He was quiet, reserved, and gracious, but he hardly gave them time. And he most certainly didn't allow them even a chance to get at me, not that they didn't try.

There was also a change between me and Edward. Our relationship became more, almost desperate, because we had no idea what the future had for us. We wanted so badly to make plans, but it was impossible. And the "what if" scenarios drove us mad. I attended more than my share of NA meetings that month.

Luckily, around that time, some major things happened all at once. First, the Seattle Mariners started showing interest in Edward. True interest. But we were still afraid to hope. Their centerfielder had just had been arrested on all sorts of drugs and domestic violence charges, and their backup wasn't so great. They needed someone like Edward – talented, clean cut, polite, spotless record, and perfectly healthy. He was a public relations dream come true, really. And we hoped that they wanted it badly enough to jockey into position to draft Edward right from the start.

The second thing that happened was that a player out of Texas was getting all sorts of media attention – a second baseman that was just as talented on the field as he was up to bat. Tommy Gomez, though, talked the talk. And the media ate it up. He was the opposite of Edward in that respect.

Tommy was the shiny new toy. Huge debates broke out on ESPN about who was better, Tommy or Edward. Which player would be taken first? Which team needed a second baseman, which a centerfielder?

Funniest part of the whole thing? Marcus was Tommy's agent, too.

A cheer from the crowd drew my attention back to the present. At the bottom of the ninth inning, the score was still one to nothing, Seattle. Edward was in the outfield. There were two outs and a man on second base. One more out would end the game. The pitcher threw two straight across the plate, getting two strikes, but the third and fourth pitches were called foul when the batter touched them both. However, the fifth pitch connected with the bat with a solid crack, the ball flying high and fast.

Edward caught it with hardly any effort, ending the game.

I leaned over the railing, watching four little boys rush to the end of the steps. They stood next to me, breathless and excited, all with baseballs in their hands. They weren't alone; there were also a few girls waiting with baseball jerseys. Some of the players would stop before making their way into the locker room in order to sign stuff for the fans. Edward was always one of them. He liked the kids. The excited little boys that memorized every stat, every play of the game, and knew every player by heart. He connected with them because he was that little boy once.

A couple of players approached our end of the stands, and Edward was with them. He signed quickly, passing baseballs, caps, and programs to his teammates as he worked down the line. As he got closer, he glanced up at all of us.

"Hey, meet me at the exit. We'll leave from there, okay?" Edward asked, still signing, still posing for pictures.

"Sure, son," Carlisle chuckled.

We all started to stand up. Jasper told him he'd had a good game, Alice gave him a fist bump, and his mother blew him kisses.

"Bella, wait!" Edward called, and I turned around. "I have something for you."

He scribbled furiously on a few more programs and caps but handed over the ball that was tucked neatly away in his glove that he'd been keeping under his arm. It was the ball he'd caught to end the game, but on it, he'd written something in permanent marker.

_**To the most interesting girl in the room... Marry me. Love you, Edward**_

Giggling, I gazed down at him, gripping the ball to hide it from everyone. "I've already answered that, Cullen!" I yelled as he walked toward the dugout.

He glanced over his shoulder, grinning like the cat that ate the canary, and shot me a sexy ass wink, only to disappear down into the locker room.

I looked at the ball, shaking my head. I giggled again, because I couldn't help it, stashing the ball inside my bag and making my way up the steps to where everyone else was waiting for me.

"What was that about?" Alice asked, eying me curiously.

"Just...Edward being...Edward," I sighed contentedly, unable to wipe the smile off my face as we fought the crowd, because that was most definitely not the first time he'd asked me.

The first time was about a year ago, and I'd said yes then.

~oOo~

_I awoke with a start, not quite awake enough to remember where I was for a split second, but it came tumbling over me quickly. Everything changed today. We would know Edward's future, our future._

_Draft day._

_We'd spent the night at his parents' home in Forks, because he wanted to be there when whatever team called him. He also wanted to be away from the media and Seattle. He wanted to be somewhere comfortable. It was the first Tuesday in June – a month after I'd finished my junior year at UW and he'd graduated. _

_However, the sun wasn't even out yet. A glance over at the clock told me that it was only five o'clock in the morning, but the bed I was currently snuggled in was empty on Edward's side. It wasn't hard to find him. He was standing in the full length window_,_ looking out over the dark backyard. He was wearing only a pair of sweatpants, his hair sticking up in a silhouette against the moonlit sky, which was giving his skin an almost bluish tint to it._

_Pushing back the covers, I slipped out of bed and walked to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He didn't jump, just merely rubbed my arms, finally linking our hands together._

"_You okay?" I whispered, pressing a kiss to the middle of his strong back._

"_I feel selfish for wanting this," he replied, keeping his voice soft. "And I feel even more selfish for wanting to drag you through it."_

_He was nervous. I knew that. It was radiating out of him from every pore. He'd been quiet on the drive over the day before with Jasper and Alice, quiet as we all ate dinner together with his parents, and had held me tight during the night. It was hard on him. He'd wanted to play pro ball his whole life, but he didn't want to leave me. And I didn't want him to go, but I wanted him to do what he loved to do, what it seemed like he was born to do._

"_You're not dragging me anywhere, Edward," I breathed against the skin of his shoulder. "If anything, I'm _tagging_ along. I'm holding you back."_

_I found myself pulled from behind him, my back pressed against the cold glass. Fierce, dark eyes glared at me._

"_No. Never," he stated, his voice almost a growl as he planted his hands on either side of my head. "I want you there every step..."_

"_Then I'm there." Reaching up to cup his face, I trailed my fingers through his stubble. "We don't know what today holds, but I promise you that this won't be like the last time we were apart. We'll talk, we'll text, we'll email. I swear. Once I'm done with school..."_

"_You'll come to me?" he asked, or really, finished for me._

"_Yes, of course."_

"_No matter where?"_

"_To infinity and beyond... Damn, I've been talking way too much with Dr. Franklin," I muttered, rolling my eyes, but Edward chuckled._

"_Nice, Buzz," he teased, and I merely smiled and shrugged, because we could be silly like that. Pressing his forehead to mine, he let out a slow breath. "My first day at Forks High, I saw you in the parking lot," he started, shaking his head slightly against mine, only to brush his lips lightly across my mouth. "I was convinced you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen."_

"_Edward..."_

"_I also thought you looked so very lonely, sad," he continued, closing his eyes. "At first, I thought it was because no one really spoke to you. That bothered me more than anything. And no one would tell me why. The guys talked about Lauren and Jessica...even Rose, but they didn't talk about you. They'd agree you were pretty, but they'd say no more. And then, I lucked the fuck out and got you as my lab partner."_

_I snorted, rolling my eyes._

"_You only spoke when spoken to, but you were smart and easy to talk to," he said, smiling down at me. "I never had the courage to ask you out, though. I kept thinking you'd eventually show up to one of Emmett's parties or a trip to Port Angeles for the movies, and I'd make my move then, but you never did."_

_I giggled up at him. "Make your move?"_

"_Hush," he laughed, kissing me to shut me up. "It was Alice that busted me. She caught me staring at the lunch table. I'd been ignoring girls since I'd arrived, but no one interested me. Just you. At first, she wouldn't say a word, just that you were shy, but I knew she was lying, because she looked at you like she wanted to jump in front of oncoming traffic to save you, even from me. It took me ages to get her to tell me about you, your dad, Phil, and your mom," he groaned, running a hand though his hair and pulling back a little._

"_And it never bothered you?"_

"_Never. Not once. I hurt _for_ you."_

_Tears welled up in my eyes at the pure honesty coming from him, and I looked away. "Why are you telling me this?"_

_He fell to his knees in front of me, grasping me by the waist. "I love you. I've always loved you. And you're so strong, Bella. I know we can do this, no matter where I end up, but I want...I need..."_

"_What, Edward?" I asked, now a little scared at the frantic way he was speaking. His shaking hands weren't helping, either._

"_Marry me."_

_The words came out in almost a whisper, but they were so damned important, it was like he'd yelled them. My mouth fell open, and my whole soul screamed yes. But before I could say anything, he went on._

"_I don't have a ring, and I don't know where the fuck I'm about to be sent...but I don't want any doubts between us. We'll wait, we'll do what it takes with your school and my placement, but I just want to know that I'm yours and you're mine and that we're on the same page no matter what the hell happens today."_

_He waited on his knees, staring up at me like a lost puppy._

_Sniffling a little, I swiped at my tears. "Yes."_

"_Yeah?" he asked, his whole face lighting up._

"_Yes! But..."_

"_There's a but? Damn, baby, you're killing me," he groaned, his forehead hitting my stomach, but I could tell he was overabundantly happy, despite whatever my condition was._

"_Hey," I chuckled, holding his face away so that I could look at him. "It's absolutely a yes. I just think it needs to be later. After I at least finish one more year of school. And you saw what happened to that football player that announced out of high school that he was getting married. They ate him alive, Edward."_

_Grimacing, he nodded. "I know. Marcus warned me. He said that the poor girl was hounded left and right. They painted her as this..."_

"_Gold digging baby momma," I snorted, rolling my eyes._

_He cracked the fuck up but sobered quickly. "Yeah, I guess... I don't want that for you."_

"_I don't want that for _you_," I countered, because I knew he lost his mind over the media when it came to me. "You'll be busy enough, hounded enough, and you've got all these obligations to fulfill. You don't need to worry what they're saying about me your first pro year, baby. Think about it."_

"_So we're keeping it quiet?" he asked, looking just as excited as when I'd said yes. Nothing fazed him, I was convinced._

_Giggling, I nodded. "I guess. But my answer is yes, baby."_

_His sexy, sweet_,_ crooked smile curled up on his handsome face. "I kinda like that only we'll know. It reminds me of sneaking through your window."_

_Oh, God, I loved him like crazy. I loved that he was nervous and worried. I loved that he wanted to protect me and keep me away from it all. And I adored that he always found some sort of silver lining at the end of the day, no matter what we were going through._

_I fell to my knees in front of him, grabbing his face. "I love you," I gushed, my mouth meeting his, because I wanted to consume him._

_Wrapping an arm around my waist, he pulled me flush to him. His hands gripped my t-shirt, mine shot to his hair and his shoulder. Tongues tangled and tasted, lips suckled and slid together, and Edward's sweatpants hid nothing of what he was feeling. The desperation was back, only this time, it was unavoidable. We'd declared ourselves to each other, made some sort of plan, and we were going to be fine, no matter what they threw at us later during the draft._

_Edward gathered up my t-shirt, tugging it swiftly off over my head, and lowered me gently down onto the soft rug in front of the window. There was no making it to the bed. I pushed, tugged, and finally used my feet to shove his sweatpants down, and we found ourselves skin on skin, with only the moon as our light._

"_Say it again," he whispered against my neck as his hand struggled to move my underwear down._

"_Yes," I said, grinning against his jaw._

"_Again," he chuckled, giving my nipple a long_,_ suckling kiss._

_Giggling, I lifted my butt so that he could finally tug my underwear the rest of the way off. "Yes!"_

_He smiled wickedly, nipping his teeth along my stomach. "Again."_

"_C'mere," I whispered, pulling at his shoulders until he braced his elbows on either side of my head and his hips were cradled between my legs. "Yes," I said, brushing my lips across his. "Always yes."_

"_I love you," he said breathlessly. "And your graduation day? I'm putting a ring on this finger," he murmured, kissing my left palm when I cupped his face. "And I'm telling the fucking world. I don't care what anyone says. But you're right, Bella. It'll be crazy this coming year. I don't want you dealing with anything other than school."_

_I nodded, more tears leaking from my eyes as I stared up at him, because he would always take care of me, whether I needed it or not, and I was happy, so happy that he wanted me and was willing to meet halfway. He was beautiful and a little calmer now that we'd truly talked. But he was hard against my stomach and his eyes were heated and dark as they gazed down at me._

_Lifting my head, I kissed him slowly, whispering, "Please, Edward," against his lips._

_Reaching down, he lined himself up at my entrance, only to hook my leg in the crook of his arm when he finally sank deep within me. His forehead pressed to mine, his mouth hanging open as a sweet, heart stopping moan rumbled out of him._

"_Again," he ordered through gritted teeth, starting a rhythm that was slow, deep, and delicious._

_My head fell back, arching my neck, and his lips trailed up a fiery path to my ear._

"_Again, baby," he rumbled ever so softly in my ear._

_I stopped thinking, only to let myself feel. My eyes rolled back into my head as my mouth fell open. His hips swiveled, his lips suckled at the sensitive spot just below my ear, and his cock hit me in just the right places._

_I was lost to him, and I always would be. I'd told him yes from the beginning. And I'd always tell him..._

"_Yes..."_

~oOo~

Our worry and nerves had all been for nothing. Tommy Gomez had been drafted first by Tampa. Seattle had traded in order to draft Edward second. He had been nervous when he answered the phone, but as we all held our breath watching him talk, he'd smiled this shockingly brilliant smile. He'd pressed his hand over his heart, kissing his fingers only to gently touch them to my lips. When he hung up, he'd gestured to the TV, where ESPN was announcing that Edward Cullen had just been drafted to the Seattle Mariners. He was staying home. The Cullen house had exploded in celebration.

I stepped out of the ladies room, having changed Edward's jersey for a sweater from my bag. Leaning against the wall was my favorite sight. Edward, freshly showered, duffel bag on his shoulder, and a sweet smile on his face. He was dressed casually, black jeans and a white thermal shirt with the sleeves pushed up.

"I like my name on you better," he chuckled, walking to me.

"Where is everyone?" I asked in a giggle, ignoring his silly comment and glancing around.

"I sent them on to save us a table," he said, taking my bag from me and slinging it over his shoulder with his own. "Come on. We'll meet them there."

"Okay," I said with a nod, kissing his cheek. "Good game, baby."

"Eh," he scoffed, shrugging a shoulder. "We didn't lose. I guess that's a plus." He grinned, squeezing my hand. "Did you like your gift?"

Laughing, I nodded. "Yes. That's so going on the mantle of the new house," I told him, because we were currently bidding on a house not far from school, Breckenridge, and the stadium. I couldn't wait to get it.

"Absolutely," he agreed, kissing my temple.

We passed security and fellow teammates as we made our way out to his car. He let me in the passenger side, dropped our bags into his trunk, and then fell into the driver's seat.

"I'm glad you liked it, because I have more for you," he whispered, holding out a small blue box.

My mouth fell open, but I didn't reach out for it, merely locked gazes with him.

"I wanted to do this for your graduation, but I had to fly out the next day for a game. And then a photo thing and some other shit got in the way, so I thought if I could get everyone to _this_ game, I could do this properly," he rambled, finally letting out a deep breath. "We're telling everyone tonight. You should have a ring. I told you that you'd have it for graduation."

"When did you do this?" I whispered, my fingers shaking as I reached for the little white ribbon.

"Months ago. When I was in New York for that interview thing."

I grinned. Anything that wasn't baseball or me had no importance. It was "thing" or "bullshit" or "whatchamacallit." It was the most adorable thing, and his agent hated it.

"But today is better," he said softly. "Do you know why?" When I shook my head no, he went on to explain. "Five years ago today... You went away to Breckenridge. You left, trying to find a way to get better. And you did. You came back clean and happy, and so smart, and even more beautiful than when I first met you. And scared. I want today to represent this, not how scared you were to come back home."

Tears leaked from my eyes and down my cheeks. "Thank you. It seems you're always waiting for me."

"It's always been worth it, Bella. Always," he stated firmly. "Now...open it."

I swiped at my face, sniffling a little as I opened a box to see the prettiest ring I'd ever laid eyes on. It was white gold or platinum, with a large square diamond in the middle that was surrounded by little ones on each side.

"Oh, Edward, it's beautiful," I gushed.

He took the ring out of the box and slipped it on my finger, only to give both a long, slow kiss. His eyes never broke from mine. They were bright green, sincere, and overflowing with love and adoration.

"I'm glad we waited," he admitted softly, kissing the ring again.

I hummed in agreement, leaning in to kiss his lips. It had been a weird year. Yes, we still lived together. Yes, he'd stayed in Washington. But just like I'd suspected, he'd been busier than a damned bee with practices, home games, away games, interviews, and photo shoots. And I'd been just as crazy. I was preparing for my BA, applying for my Masters, and interviewing for my internship at Breckenridge. My past required extra interviews, letters of recommendation, and a more intense screening. Had we added the engagement to all of that, we'd have just killed ourselves, because the media was no different than before.

However, now we could relax a bit. Edward was playing really well, several of his advertising contracts would be up soon – which he wasn't going to renew – and his season was just about halfway through. UW had accepted me for my Masters, and I was going to start at Breckenridge in just a few weeks, working with Dr. Franklin. Things would start to calm down soon. Unfortunately, announcing our engagement would stir things up, but the Romantics would get what they were pleading for on the internet and the Crazies would just have to learn to deal.

"I never forgot my promise, Bella," he whispered, playing with the ring, only to lock gazes with me again.

I smiled, tears welling up in my eyes, because he'd never forgotten anything he'd ever vowed to me. Ever. He'd been there through it all. He'd promised me he'd love me no matter what secrets I was keeping from him when we first started dating. He'd vowed to make me see just how beautiful I was to him – inside and out. He'd sworn that he'd wait for me while I went off to make myself a better person. And last year, he'd promised to keep our engagement a secret simply to give ourselves that extra time, just one less stressful thing. He'd promised me a ring and love and declarations to the world, no matter what.

He'd fulfilled every last one of those promises. He'd done it all without question, with a simple crooked smile on his face, and with more love than he knew what to do with most days. And I simply adored him for it. I loved him more now than I ever had.

"I never thought you'd forgotten, Edward," I whispered, leaning into his hands when he brushed my tears away. "Never."

"Good, because I didn't," he huffed dramatically. "You ready to go tell them? Everyone?"

I grinned, nodded, and kissed him solidly on the lips. "Yes," I chuckled against his mouth.

"Again." He grinned widely, snickering at my laughter.

"Yes! Let's go!"

He smiled again, cranked the car, and backed out of his parking space. With a wicked smile my way, he said, "Yeah, let's tell 'em all," before pulling out of the stadium and driving toward the city.

**~oOo~**

**A/N...Any mistakes concerning the baseball draft are mine. Honestly, I know more about the NFL draft than baseball. The only thing I knew was that eligible players are called at home, whereas football players can attend to an actual event. **

**I need to thank JenRar for beta'ing this brilliantly. And huge thank yous to GooberLou and inkedupmom for pre-reading it. And thank you to all three for keeping better track of my timeline than I did! LOL :)**

**ANNOUNCEMENTS: As I'm sure you're aware, there are things happening with this website that are shaking up the fandom. I need you to know that if things change, if my stories are deleted, then you can find me on my blog. Okay? www(dot)drotuno(dot)blogspot(dot)com **

**However...I'm not stopping posting on here until they make me. So... with that being said...**

**Starting Sunday the 3rd, my beta JenRar and I will be posting a fic that we co-wrote together. _Coming Home_ will start on each of our profiles, but you'll be directed to a joint profile... I'm gonna give you a head start. www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net /u/ 4021263 /Sarges_Girls There is also more description behind the story on that profile. But here's the summary:**

_**School teacher Bella sends a care package and letter to Army sergeant Edward, who is stationed in Afghanistan. They begin a relationship through letters, phone calls, and video chats. There's love, there's language, and there's adult situations, plus a strong, independent Bella and the Edward we all know and love.**_

**It will post quickly. So those of you that are interested, then you can put me on author alert and Jen... www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net /u/ 1669516/JenRar … Also check out her post NM story _La Vita Sospesa. _Amazing canon fic! :)**

**Okay, Baseball-ward is officially completed. I do hope that you enjoyed Bella's journey. It was hard to write, but cathartic in a way. For those waiting for _Fate Interrupted_ to update...patience, please. As you can see...I'm swamped, but I haven't given up on Fate-ward. :)**

**Until next time... Mooches! :)**


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